Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Online dating...

Page 9 of 9 [ 139 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Previous topic | Next topic

minervx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,155
Location: United States

06 Mar 2013, 8:39 am

Basically, your post to Palebelo was a bundle of sweeping generalizations, prejudiced assumptions and ad hominem attacks.

By the time I read "Do you post on NT forums as well", I realize that no amount of logic can temper your bitterness or even deep seated hatred toward 95%+ of the population.



Tyri0n
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)

06 Mar 2013, 11:51 am

nessa238 wrote:
minervx wrote:
The fact that some of the members on here are decrying people who are making a strong effort to improve socially as "NT Wannabe" is unfortunate. Perhaps it helps some people here feel better for not trying. But in the end, regardless of who you were, you either have the traits worthy of diagnosis or you don't.

Pabalebo is spot on and I have no doubt in a few years that he'll dramatically improve socially while other people here will be in the same exact position they were years ago.


No, I'd never decry anyone from trying to improve themselves; my problem is with people who try and emulate a mindset that is usually ruthless and intolerant and conformist in the extreme. Individuality is looked down on and mocked as maintaining the status quo is what Nts are all about.

The OP sounds very NT-like, which he should see as a compliment if he values being NT so much.

I mix with NTs and I push myself outside my comfort boundaries on a regular basis so I am certainly not standing still.

I seem to just have a different philosophy and set of ethics to the average NT one

I suspect the competitiveness of the OP's sport stands him in good stead in terms of developing an NT mindset which is 'win at all costs' usually

Also he may well have been nearer the NT end of the ASD spectrum than many in the first place hence it's less of a struggle to
adapt if you already effectively have a foot in both camps


Nessa, you're just not being realistic. I'm sorry, but I'm a collectivist, and a Marxist utilitarian, so the whole individualism thing just doesn't make sense to me. I think getting along with others is much more important than "being right" since I don't believe in absolute right and wrong. Maybe the OP is similar. Anyway, attacking people for what are actually fundamental philosophical differences makes very little sense. Then, it's you who is being intolerant towards other people's belief systems.

You are being more "conformist and intolerant" than you accuse NT's of being by attacking the OP's philosophy of life. Except instead of expecting everyone to conform to the majority, you insist that everyone conform to you, as if you're the absolute center of the universe. Which is much worse in my opinion.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

06 Mar 2013, 12:53 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
minervx wrote:
The fact that some of the members on here are decrying people who are making a strong effort to improve socially as "NT Wannabe" is unfortunate. Perhaps it helps some people here feel better for not trying. But in the end, regardless of who you were, you either have the traits worthy of diagnosis or you don't.

Pabalebo is spot on and I have no doubt in a few years that he'll dramatically improve socially while other people here will be in the same exact position they were years ago.


No, I'd never decry anyone from trying to improve themselves; my problem is with people who try and emulate a mindset that is usually ruthless and intolerant and conformist in the extreme. Individuality is looked down on and mocked as maintaining the status quo is what Nts are all about.

The OP sounds very NT-like, which he should see as a compliment if he values being NT so much.

I mix with NTs and I push myself outside my comfort boundaries on a regular basis so I am certainly not standing still.

I seem to just have a different philosophy and set of ethics to the average NT one

I suspect the competitiveness of the OP's sport stands him in good stead in terms of developing an NT mindset which is 'win at all costs' usually

Also he may well have been nearer the NT end of the ASD spectrum than many in the first place hence it's less of a struggle to
adapt if you already effectively have a foot in both camps


Nessa, you're just not being realistic. I'm sorry, but I'm a collectivist, and a Marxist utilitarian, so the whole individualism thing just doesn't make sense to me. I think getting along with others is much more important than "being right" since I don't believe in absolute right and wrong. Maybe the OP is similar. Anyway, attacking people for what are actually fundamental philosophical differences makes very little sense. Then, it's you who is being intolerant towards other people's belief systems.

You are being more "conformist and intolerant" than you accuse NT's of being by attacking the OP's philosophy of life. Except instead of expecting everyone to conform to the majority, you insist that everyone conform to you, as if you're the absolute center of the universe. Which is much worse in my opinion.



I said people can do what they like and explained what I personally don't like about a lot of NT behaviour

I am not telling anyone else what to do

On the contrary you are trying to make me conform to how you think people should act

Everyone's free to think as they please as regards their opinions of NTs - including me

Have a love-in with every NT on the planet - that's up to you, just don't expect me to join you



Pabalebo
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 410
Location: Poughkeespie NY

08 Mar 2013, 2:33 am

Well thank you, that makes me feel better :)

And I wasn't born anywhere CLOSE to being an NT... every bit of social skill I have was worked extremely hard for and earned. I f*****g BIT other kids on the playground as a way of saying "hi" until I was 7. I was in special ed until 10th grade, and retained special ed services until I graduated high school. I had a grand total of ZERO friends until 8th grade. Yeah, sounds pretty NT to me...

Also, I do like to think my sport has helped me a great deal. Running and cross country have done more for me than anyone... coaches, teammates, even my own parents... will ever have any idea of. And it makes me extremely happy that you think my posting style resembles that of an NT. That's true progress right there, since my posting style is also the way I talk. :D

And I don't believe that NTs live an "inauthentic lifestyle"... I think they live more of an authentic lifestyle than anyone here. They aren't afraid to show their true emotions the way we are, or at least the way I am. The majority of NTs know that they will be accepted by someone no matter WHAT they do, and this thinking factors into their everyday lives. To say that all NTs are shallow people simply because they know how to work the system and do things that don't come naturally to us is extremely ignorant, and represents an extremely defensive attitude that will never get any Aspie anywhere.

And as far as my date goes, I haven't set one yet. I'm actually taking my time getting to know this girl. We are a people that must consider all social interaction as a science, and science requires experimentation with different things. I've tried coming on really strong, now I'm trying the opposite. The next time I talk to her, I probably will ask her out. And yes, I will probably post here about it, whether I'm successful or not.


_________________
Not my chair, not my problem, that's what I say.


Pabalebo
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 410
Location: Poughkeespie NY

08 Mar 2013, 2:37 am

Tyri0n wrote:
I'm a collectivist, and a Marxist utilitarian, so the whole individualism thing just doesn't make sense to me. I think getting along with others is much more important than "being right" since I don't believe in absolute right and wrong. Maybe the OP is similar.


Actually, quite the opposite. I'm a hard-line libertarian that believes strongly in individual rights. I think everyone should have the right to live out their own life for themselves, and to learn from their own mistakes, the way I have.


_________________
Not my chair, not my problem, that's what I say.


Pabalebo
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 410
Location: Poughkeespie NY

08 Mar 2013, 2:45 am

nessa238 wrote:
Do you post on NT forums as well as this one?


Two things:

1.) What the actual f**k is an "NT forum"? I'm pretty sure no one has dedicated a website to being normal...

2.) I am a member of exactly two internet forums... this one, and one dedicated to meteorology, the science that I've been in love with since 3rd grade, and which I also suspect there are a lot of people on the autism spectrum involved with.


_________________
Not my chair, not my problem, that's what I say.


Pabalebo
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 410
Location: Poughkeespie NY

08 Mar 2013, 2:57 am

nessa238 wrote:
NTs have PLENTY of problems caused by the way they think and act - far more than we do in reality!


Name some. Really. I'm interested to hear another perspective of how they are more ill-equipped to deal with the world than we are. And don't just give me something along the lines of "they're a**holes"... because sometimes, that's what it takes to deal with the world, and we Aspies don't always have it in us to be the level of a**hole required by real life.

I'm not saying having ASD is all bad. There are certain things we are better at for sure. But it's important to recognize the things that NTs are better at, and to try to emulate those things, and not to begrudge NTs for having those traits, in order to become the best humans that we can be. Maybe minervx is right though... maybe nothing CAN temper your bitterness... and if that's the case, I have nothing but pity for you, Nessa.


_________________
Not my chair, not my problem, that's what I say.


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

08 Mar 2013, 8:40 am

Pabalebo wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
NTs have PLENTY of problems caused by the way they think and act - far more than we do in reality!


Name some. Really. I'm interested to hear another perspective of how they are more ill-equipped to deal with the world than we are. And don't just give me something along the lines of "they're a**holes"... because sometimes, that's what it takes to deal with the world, and we Aspies don't always have it in us to be the level of as*hole required by real life.

I'm not saying having ASD is all bad. There are certain things we are better at for sure. But it's important to recognize the things that NTs are better at, and to try to emulate those things, and not to begrudge NTs for having those traits, in order to become the best humans that we can be. Maybe minervx is right though... maybe nothing CAN temper your bitterness... and if that's the case, I have nothing but pity for you, Nessa.


Hmmm

Well a look at any newspaper will show you plenty of NT behaviour that I for one am very glad not to be a fan of:-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html

Lying comes to most NT's naturally ie they prefer not to tell or face the truth a lot of the time. They prefer the version of the truth their peer group believes at any one time, not absolute truth.

Their friendships are based predominantly on the social status of their friends and they are not good at dealing with
a friend with depression as NT's expect people to be happy and lively all the time - they are exceedingly good at jettisoning friends if they cease to play their stereotypical 'always up for a laugh' role correctly

NT's are conformist and do not like difference and will often bully those who are different

You seem to pride yourself on having 'gone native' amongst the NT's which is your choice but I do not want to be like them
as I see no benefits to being like them and couldn't even be like them if I tried - I don't have it in me

They go with what the group thinks more than what they themselves think and this can lead to being morally weak as they are rarely prepared to defend a principle

I'm interested to know what you see as the advantages of being NT

Also, by 'NT site' I meant non autism-specific sites; just an average discussion site in other words

I would say your meteorological site isn't NT as it's going to have a fair number of aspies on it as it's a popular specialist subject among aspies

So I'm wondering why you aren't on more general discussion sites where more of your beloved NTs are likely to be hanging out - that surprises me a lot



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

08 Mar 2013, 8:54 am

Pabalebo wrote:
Well thank you, that makes me feel better :)

And I wasn't born anywhere CLOSE to being an NT... every bit of social skill I have was worked extremely hard for and earned. I f***ing BIT other kids on the playground as a way of saying "hi" until I was 7. I was in special ed until 10th grade, and retained special ed services until I graduated high school. I had a grand total of ZERO friends until 8th grade. Yeah, sounds pretty NT to me...

Also, I do like to think my sport has helped me a great deal. Running and cross country have done more for me than anyone... coaches, teammates, even my own parents... will ever have any idea of. And it makes me extremely happy that you think my posting style resembles that of an NT. That's true progress right there, since my posting style is also the way I talk. :D

And I don't believe that NTs live an "inauthentic lifestyle"... I think they live more of an authentic lifestyle than anyone here. They aren't afraid to show their true emotions the way we are, or at least the way I am. The majority of NTs know that they will be accepted by someone no matter WHAT they do, and this thinking factors into their everyday lives. To say that all NTs are shallow people simply because they know how to work the system and do things that don't come naturally to us is extremely ignorant, and represents an extremely defensive attitude that will never get any Aspie anywhere.

And as far as my date goes, I haven't set one yet. I'm actually taking my time getting to know this girl. We are a people that must consider all social interaction as a science, and science requires experimentation with different things. I've tried coming on really strong, now I'm trying the opposite. The next time I talk to her, I probably will ask her out. And yes, I will probably post here about it, whether I'm successful or not.


"I f***ing BIT other kids on the playground as a way of saying "hi" until I was 7."

This is certainly not typical autistic behaviour - it demonstrates you were generally disturbed in some way. It indicates early conduct disorder of some sort or that your parents weren't setting proper boundaries as regards acceptable behaviour.



Pabalebo
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 410
Location: Poughkeespie NY

15 Mar 2013, 12:52 am

nessa238 wrote:
Pabalebo wrote:
Well thank you, that makes me feel better :)

And I wasn't born anywhere CLOSE to being an NT... every bit of social skill I have was worked extremely hard for and earned. I f***ing BIT other kids on the playground as a way of saying "hi" until I was 7. I was in special ed until 10th grade, and retained special ed services until I graduated high school. I had a grand total of ZERO friends until 8th grade. Yeah, sounds pretty NT to me...

Also, I do like to think my sport has helped me a great deal. Running and cross country have done more for me than anyone... coaches, teammates, even my own parents... will ever have any idea of. And it makes me extremely happy that you think my posting style resembles that of an NT. That's true progress right there, since my posting style is also the way I talk. :D

And I don't believe that NTs live an "inauthentic lifestyle"... I think they live more of an authentic lifestyle than anyone here. They aren't afraid to show their true emotions the way we are, or at least the way I am. The majority of NTs know that they will be accepted by someone no matter WHAT they do, and this thinking factors into their everyday lives. To say that all NTs are shallow people simply because they know how to work the system and do things that don't come naturally to us is extremely ignorant, and represents an extremely defensive attitude that will never get any Aspie anywhere.

And as far as my date goes, I haven't set one yet. I'm actually taking my time getting to know this girl. We are a people that must consider all social interaction as a science, and science requires experimentation with different things. I've tried coming on really strong, now I'm trying the opposite. The next time I talk to her, I probably will ask her out. And yes, I will probably post here about it, whether I'm successful or not.


"I f***ing BIT other kids on the playground as a way of saying "hi" until I was 7."

This is certainly not typical autistic behaviour - it demonstrates you were generally disturbed in some way. It indicates early conduct disorder of some sort or that your parents weren't setting proper boundaries as regards acceptable behaviour.


Well... if I didn't think so before, now I'm POSITIVE you don't know what you're talking about. My parents set nothing but boundaries. This has everything to do with me, and little to nothing to do with my parents. I've always been quite an independent thinker, for better or for worse. I legitimately thought that biting other kids was an acceptable way to interact, and what most people did to greet an acquaintance... I actually remember both doing it and my thought process behind it quite vividly. My parents are certainly not perfect, like every human being, but they've always acted in what they have believed to be my best interest.

Anyway... defense of my parents is not the point. The point is, until about age 17-18, I was never anything CLOSE to NT, regardless of whether the behavior was caused by autism or something else. Every bit of social skill I have was worked extremely hard for, and agonized over for hours, days, weeks, even years. To attempt to nullify that work by saying all NTs are, by default, shallow/stupid/insert negative adjective here... is extremely insulting to me, as well as the 95%+ of the world population that I aspire to be a part of, and am well on my way to being a part of.


_________________
Not my chair, not my problem, that's what I say.


Pabalebo
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 410
Location: Poughkeespie NY

15 Mar 2013, 1:01 am

nessa238 wrote:
Hmmm

Well a look at any newspaper will show you plenty of NT behaviour that I for one am very glad not to be a fan of:-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html

Lying comes to most NT's naturally ie they prefer not to tell or face the truth a lot of the time. They prefer the version of the truth their peer group believes at any one time, not absolute truth.

Their friendships are based predominantly on the social status of their friends and they are not good at dealing with
a friend with depression as NT's expect people to be happy and lively all the time - they are exceedingly good at jettisoning friends if they cease to play their stereotypical 'always up for a laugh' role correctly

NT's are conformist and do not like difference and will often bully those who are different

You seem to pride yourself on having 'gone native' amongst the NT's which is your choice but I do not want to be like them
as I see no benefits to being like them and couldn't even be like them if I tried - I don't have it in me

They go with what the group thinks more than what they themselves think and this can lead to being morally weak as they are rarely prepared to defend a principle

I'm interested to know what you see as the advantages of being NT

Also, by 'NT site' I meant non autism-specific sites; just an average discussion site in other words

I would say your meteorological site isn't NT as it's going to have a fair number of aspies on it as it's a popular specialist subject among aspies

So I'm wondering why you aren't on more general discussion sites where more of your beloved NTs are likely to be hanging out - that surprises me a lot


It is better to be "up for a laugh" than to be depressed all the time that you can't be. I've tried both, and strongly prefer the former.

The advantages to being NT? Is this a real question? Well then... let me list the advantages:

1.) Social interaction, and thereby employment, love, and sexual encounters, come much more easily.

2.) Because of reason #1, depression is much less likely. Despite what some Aspies like to think, ALL humans are social creatures. The reason that Asperger's is a SYNDROME is that we are not naturally good at a skill set which is NECESSARY for human survival.

3.) If one is focused constantly on a specific topic, they are not likely to fully experience this world. I, for one, strive to be as well rounded as possible, hence my attempts to be social. Like athleticism, academics, or anything else, social skills are an area which is necessary in order to be a well rounded individual.

I'm not on general discussion "NT sites" (apart from Facebook) because, to the best of my knowledge, such sites don't exist, because most NTs have better things to do than spend all of their time on the Internet... hence why I haven't logged in to this site in over a week. Rather, I've been focusing on improving myself, and becoming more like an NT, except retaining the benefits of Asperger's. And, yes, I really do believe this is possible.

Oh yeah... and I finally had my first kiss last weekend... so my hard work IS finally paying off. Not with the online dating girl, she ended up actually being quite whiny and annoying, but with a girl in my major that I met at a bar. I have to be close to another breakthrough toward becoming fully integrated into NT society, and I am damn proud of that.


_________________
Not my chair, not my problem, that's what I say.