Loneliness

Post Reply New Topic

...not meaning that you are not an adult Kuraudo777--just meant that for me it is, as Paul told Anne (from L.M. Montgomery) that as he got older he could no longer visit his "rock people." I still visit mine but the visits are different. My daughter says she never wants to grow up and i kind of know what she means.

It's been lovely chatting but i have work i must get done that takes me away from my computer. Have a wonderful day and maybe we can talk again!

I agree on everything you just posted! I also believe in other dimensions and that ley lines are prime sources of magical energy, and that it isn't that myths aren't real because they're myths, but that they're real because they're myths! Did I just confuse you?

Possibly just a bit but i think i know what you are getting at. Maybe we can discuss it at more length another time. I think my view of the supernatural may be a bit simpler. But i am being demanded to make a sunbutter apple for a hungry person who is not safe with a paring knife yet. So...off to do motherly things.

Ha ha, duty calls!

Agreed. I deeply desire friendships and a possible relationship with someone, but then remember the vast majority of people I have no interest in. I love unique, interesting people who enjoy deep conversation and non-conformists and this is very hard to find. Most people I come across I just find to be shallow and uninteresting. The group I hang out with at school I am only mildly social and usually just think deeply to myself instead of socializing whatever trivial topics they do. I think I brought this up before, but that's what I'm like in groups - sit there, do my own thing, and if I am interested in talking to you or the topic the group is discussing, then I will approach. I do still feel very lonely and isolated but have gotten better at ignoring it because of the simple fact my standards for friendships and relationships have become so damn high now even people interested in getting to know me would get weeded out of my filter very quickly.

I think there's nothing wrong with increasing my standards as when I use to be friends with anyone who would be friends with me out of desperation even if they used me or didn't care. It's about time I only be friends or acquaintances with the very best of the best, and this is what I have been doing really.

I can still be friends with more 'ordinary' people like the ones at my group, but it's not like I socialize with them much, if at all. More so I can still be with them when they need me, and i can rely on them, and I enjoy their prescense. These are how and why they mean friends to me. I mean, all friendships are different and all have different things they're based on. Sometimes you can be friends with someone witout a single word being exchanged. Actions speak louder than words. But I still desire the type of friendship where you can talk to anyone about anything, etc. I also remember saying way back while I do have friends at school, I also desire the friendships where you actually hang out with them on the weekend, outside of school, etc. Nothing's changed...

As for this forum, Kuraudo777, I come here to use as my main source of socialization when I'm not talking to people in real life, also because it's full of aspies here and it actually is easier to find deeper or more out of the ordinary conversation topics. Do I feel 'less lonely'? Well it's more I only come here because I almost feel I am forced to, and if I had like-minded real life friends I'd be here way less often. but I won't deny I definitely enjoy it here.

There's just so many things science, reason etc. can't currently comprehend or explain. Dreams, imaginations, etc.

How could these random and complex things be simplified to something 'scientific' or 'rational'?

As a person interested in both psychology and philosophy, I definitely think these things are left up to debate.

There's too many skeptical realists who are dismissive of these kind of things, supernaturl, fantasy, etc. instead of people who are willing to be up to debate.

Who knows. Imagination could be connections to other lives, other world's, etc. alternative universes and all that.

Just how do we as humans even have the abiliity to have such interesting thoughts and creative ideas? It just can't be explained yet and can't be dismissed by a rational person as 'random thoughts just come into our mind, it has nothing to do with supernautral, fantasy, or anything like that'.

Religion and spirituality is a good example. Me personally I have a religion based on my ethnicity that I definitely believe in and can feel inside me as a part of me. Spiritual connections, etc.

I agree with you wholeheartedly here outrider. i find myself doing the same thing--longing for friends...but because of my annoyance with petty and trivial stuff, my awkwardness even though i make an effort to blend in and act as NT as i can in a group, my possibility for friends is significantly narrowed down. I often feel like NT's fall into 2 groups--1st) those who use my friendship when they need it (one friend said of all her friends i am the one she would choose to be stuck on a desert island with because she thought that, out of all the friends she has, i would give her the best chance of survival due to common sense/resourcefulness. Nice compliment, but not a nice feeling as far as the friendship goes since she usually only calls me when she needs something.)
2nd) those who are "pity friends" and are friends with me because they feel sorry for me or because they think i need friends. I won't deny that, but my pride won't let me stay friends with them once i see that they are simply pity friends. I want a friend who wants to be my friend because they like me.

I've made up two spiritual...isms that I call Hiroism and Etainism. Hiroism is about my personal ethnics, morality, pacifistism, and what I believe is a good definition of a true hero ['a hero is someone who does the right thing/helps or saves people even though he or she might be scared or fighting a loosing battle']. Etainism is all about my spiritual beliefs, mythology, the supernatural, Wiccan stuff, Celtic stuff, Shintoism, and good stuff like that. I actually got the name for Etainism from the French side of a chocolate fountain machine, of all things [Fountaine], and I played around with the word until I made one that I liked.

There's a third group of friends who don't try to use you and don't pity you. Yes, those exist too.

Yep, I know that for a fact, Space Warrior, and thank goodness.

Aww, i hope so. I sometimes feel like those are the types of friends only other ppl make. My closest friend outside my family is far away.

A couple of close friends and this forum are enough for me when it comes to friends. Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to find someone who can love me and understand me.

I have a few close friends and my family; but one friend is out of state and our friendship is mostly by phone. The other friend is close by but she is at a very busy stage in her life right now and i don't see her often. I know that i can call her if i need to, though, and that is a great comfort.

It seems like enough most of the time--i guess my frustration in the friend dept is twofold: partly because i have no one close to me who is in my same stage of life, and even more from the disappointments of losing them, when i look at it closely. I have a lot of acquaintances but few ppl that are really close. Even family seem like they don't understand me well--but i think a lot of it is due to not understanding myself for so long and why i am the way i am.

I spent a lot of yrs apologizing for the annoying traits of being an aspie. You might not be a doormat, but no one can tell that if you lay on the floor and let ppl walk on you. Then when i get hurt because of a misunderstanding, and walk away from the friendship when the other person doesn't get it and doesn't want to...then i am the meanie because i no longer look like a doormat. I am not trying to be a jerk to anyonee...but when the social stuff gets too complex i just can't navigate it. I have been fed the line that "you need to forgive them and only you suffer when you don't, so pick up the pieces of the friendship and go on..." but to me it isn't a matter of not forgiving (i don't wish any evil on them) but i am in over my head and can't understand and can't deal with the rejection anymore. Also some things that NTs say and do might be normal for them but to me feel dishonest and backbiting. We end up at odds and it seems irreparable. When i joined, part of me was hoping that this forum would provide some friendship and it seems like there are some nice ppl here.

A lot of people seem to think that I'm one of the nicest members here. I have a habit of self-deprecation, but I would like to think that they are right.

That's funny; in spite of my difficulties with close friendships i too have many people comment on how sweet and nice i am. I don't think i do anything special most of the time--just try to be a good person. I have several jobs outside my home; one of them is doing in-home care for a disabled elderly lady and she tells me every time i am there how thankful she is for me and how sweet i am. I don't say this to pat myself on the back (i tend to be self-deprecating too even when i don't realize i am doing it) but i think it is odd that i have such difficulty with some ppl and the ones that like me seem to really love me. Like there is no middle ground--you either love me or can't stand me. But with NTs it is sometimes hard for me to figure out who likes me and who doesn't because of the "politeness white lies" they use.

I would tend to agree you seem really nice--have only been here a short time and already i look forward to seeing your screen name pop up.

My best friend (the one out of state) was one i met online. She and i both find that we can be closer with ppl we don't see every day. We can talk about stuff that we couldn't say aloud if we moved in the same circles. She doesn't know my ppl; i don't know hers. If there are family issues, things that should be kept quiet due to who is involved--i can tell her. She won't see the ppl anyway. I have visited her once and we had a lovely visit. But we had gotten to know each other first. Anyway, i always have been a bit leery of online friendships due to the fact that online you can present what you want to present--and someone with bad intentions can take advantage of that. But i think for those of us with social awkwardness issues online friendships can be balm to a weary soul.

As before, it is good to chat with you.

I had a good time today with my dad, and we went on a good walk around town. I think I might see what my Aspie friend is up to today to see if he wants to play video games or something.
I like this forum a lot and I'm eternally grateful for the new friends I've made! I like cheering people up when they need it, and I especially like giving virtual hugs!