Romantic loneliness in men

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Not that I would "teach" a person to be "optimistic, tolerant, and more forgiving" explicitly; that would seem condescending from one adult to another.

But I would hope that my influence over my lover would encourage her to be "optimistic, tolerant, and more forgiving."

These qualities, in my opinion, lead to a higher quality life than if people are pessimistic, intolerant, and bear grudges.

No its not a mens only thread, you know its not.

My headache was pretty much never meeting anyone I could relate to where attraction was mutual, and even where it might have been social status wasn't equal.

Back in my 20's I was looking for a girl who was incredibly intelligent, had similar tastes in music, who could feel what I felt in both it and the world, chase down similar directions of emotionality as myself, someone who I could really explore the subjective side of life with.

These days - I'm in my 30's, it may have been said that the sense of loneliness changes by your late 20's or early 30's, isn't a 24/7 plague, and I also realize that I have enough complications and issues where unless a girl is really an uber geek I don't know how much I'd have to offer. Clearly I'd still need someone whose incredibly broad-minded and curious about life, both the big and small questions.

As for the defensive cold posturing that I feel like a lot of women are forced into - I feel bad for them on that account, it sucks both ways but I also realize that women really have to put aside their humanity in a lot of circumstances (really most guys within 10 years of them either way) for preservation of boundaries which I'm sure equally has unfortunate long-term impact. Human biology and wiring is a bit harsh I guess.

I wouldn't be surprised if more women than you think like the type of man you are, Techgeneration. Many women value education and learning. This is especially so as they grow up and mature.

The biggest killer for me is that they can't read my body language. Most of it rings hollow in the overtures and for most of my life not being able to expect the same results for the same behavior other people issued I picked up a lot of CYA habits that interfere with bonding much more than platonically with people.

On one hand I realize I'm weird and hence am right for a rather narrow band of women, OTOH I also realize I'm flighty and that I'll run quickly if I either feel like I can't summon enough attraction to treat them the way I'd want to or, alternately, I may feel like I'm seeing a behavior pattern in them that'll be the root of some serious fights down the road when the gloss of a new relationship, or even just the interview phase, wears off. My threshold in both directions is particularly touchy and for a lot of reasons in that direction, in addition to evolving as a person in rather odd ways, I've gotten to the point of saying I've opted out unless a situation in my life shows me a different way of looking at things (particularly on a level that can sink in deeper than an intellectual suggestion - it would have to).

Just you "being there" might improve the life of your partner.

You don't have to actively seek to "improve" the life of your partner.

To me, just offering advice like a friend would, with respect, is quite suitable.