What DOESN'T count as Nice Guy behavior?

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LKL
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24 Jun 2016, 3:20 pm

CommanderKeen wrote:
Uh, yeah it is. Men will ultimately fall for their female friend, yet women usually don't have that issue of being reject in the same way and EVEN if they do, they have plenty of options. Women in general also have higher standards than men, since men are seen as the bread winners. This is true EVEN for feminists who state that they look beyond gender roles, yet won't date a guy that doesn't have a job or car.

I wouldn't date a guy who didn't have a job, unless he volunteered at something worthwhile every day. I wouldn't date a man who didn't have a car, unless he had a metro pass and a bike and regularly 'got out.'

It's not necessarily about finding a 'bread winner,' it's about finding someone who isn't a troglodyte.



CommanderKeen
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24 Jun 2016, 4:41 pm

LKL wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
Uh, yeah it is. Men will ultimately fall for their female friend, yet women usually don't have that issue of being reject in the same way and EVEN if they do, they have plenty of options. Women in general also have higher standards than men, since men are seen as the bread winners. This is true EVEN for feminists who state that they look beyond gender roles, yet won't date a guy that doesn't have a job or car.

I wouldn't date a guy who didn't have a job, unless he volunteered at something worthwhile every day. I wouldn't date a man who didn't have a car, unless he had a metro pass and a bike and regularly 'got out.'

It's not necessarily about finding a 'bread winner,' it's about finding someone who isn't a troglodyte.

Again, this just proves a double standard. Guys don't give a f*** 9 times out of 10 if a girl can drive, as long as they can get to her and she still has a choice of partners simply by being a woman. It just is what it is.



CommanderKeen
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24 Jun 2016, 4:43 pm

This is why I'm not worrying about having a girlfriend right now. That and my area sucks. Once I get out of college in about 1 1/2 years, I'll be making $30+ an hour.



Alliekit
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24 Jun 2016, 6:07 pm

CommanderKeen wrote:
LKL wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
Uh, yeah it is. Men will ultimately fall for their female friend, yet women usually don't have that issue of being reject in the same way and EVEN if they do, they have plenty of options. Women in general also have higher standards than men, since men are seen as the bread winners. This is true EVEN for feminists who state that they look beyond gender roles, yet won't date a guy that doesn't have a job or car.

I wouldn't date a guy who didn't have a job, unless he volunteered at something worthwhile every day. I wouldn't date a man who didn't have a car, unless he had a metro pass and a bike and regularly 'got out.'

It's not necessarily about finding a 'bread winner,' it's about finding someone who isn't a troglodyte.

Again, this just proves a double standard. Guys don't give a f*** 9 times out of 10 if a girl can drive, as long as they can get to her and she still has a choice of partners simply by being a woman. It just is what it is.


In my opinion i wouldn't want a partner who i had to support. When i say this I mean someone who puts no effort into anything. If my partner didnt work but acted as a househusband then he is contributing to our life and therefore i am not solely supporting him and am happy. If he was i education then he is putting in an effort so this is ok also. If he works a part time job this is also ok and lastly if he is searching for a job this is still ok. Because he is supporting in other ways.

I don't really get the whole driving thing tbh. Who really cares because he may not drive because its so expensive. My boyfriend doesn't drive and it doesnt make me think any less of him. The only reason id like him to learn is so we can go on long journeys and take turns driving.

Just because guys don't look for the things in women doesnt make them a horrible or unkind gender. We are biologically made to search for support from out partner in someway. It's not as if we have chosen to be like this and we dont necessarily enjoy it



lidsmichelle
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24 Jun 2016, 7:06 pm

^ that's what I mean alliekit

I'd have no problem supporting a spouse if they were a house spouse - I'd expect the same thing of myself if I had a spouse/so supporting me. Although obviously if I was in a relationship with someone who was physically disabled (or had chronic illness that causes them pain and/or fatigue) expectations would change.

Driving is really expensive. I get the importance for travel obviously and sometimes you live in an area where public transport is limited to completely unavailable (that's actually a huge problem in the US).

Also they may want to consider that the reason people think like this is that we've been taught to, and that men reinforce these standards just as bad (if not worse) than women do. Men decided that women were weaker and meant to stay at home and be taken care of (and this has never been fully the case, as there have always been lower class women working and even doing hard labor, as well as cultures that didn't form like ours). Men put these standards and ideas in place, and then proceed to complain about them. That's what's truly hilarious. The best part is the men who complain about all this the most seem to be the ones who reinforce these roles the most. You absolutely may complain about their existence, and beyond that I'd suggest attempting to combat people's notions about gender. But do consider who decided these things were facts to begin with.

I disagree with gender roles and gender essentialism 100%. I always have. I'm all for people doing what works for them (without enforcing it on others), regardless of gender.


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rdos
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25 Jun 2016, 2:48 am

Alliekit wrote:
Just because guys don't look for the things in women doesnt make them a horrible or unkind gender. We are biologically made to search for support from out partner in someway. It's not as if we have chosen to be like this and we dont necessarily enjoy it


Certainly. And men are biologically programmed to seek women that would maximize their reproductive output, which is why they prefer young women. This creates a lot of problems for both genders.

Still, we can work on these preferences. They may bias our decisions, but we can still ignore them if we want to.



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27 Jun 2016, 6:01 pm

CommanderKeen wrote:
LKL wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
Uh, yeah it is. Men will ultimately fall for their female friend, yet women usually don't have that issue of being reject in the same way and EVEN if they do, they have plenty of options. Women in general also have higher standards than men, since men are seen as the bread winners. This is true EVEN for feminists who state that they look beyond gender roles, yet won't date a guy that doesn't have a job or car.

I wouldn't date a guy who didn't have a job, unless he volunteered at something worthwhile every day. I wouldn't date a man who didn't have a car, unless he had a metro pass and a bike and regularly 'got out.'

It's not necessarily about finding a 'bread winner,' it's about finding someone who isn't a troglodyte.

Again, this just proves a double standard. Guys don't give a f*** 9 times out of 10 if a girl can drive, as long as they can get to her and she still has a choice of partners simply by being a woman. It just is what it is.

...unless she's fat. Or ugly. Or old. Or 'shrill.' Or too smart. Or whatever... Men do have standards, but for some reason they don't want to admit it. Saying that men don't have standards is basically saying that all men just want to have sex with a woman and don't give a damn about compatibility, personality, or anything else than a warm body to basically be an extra-good sex toy; it's rather misandrist, if you think about it.



LKL
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27 Jun 2016, 6:03 pm

rdos wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Just because guys don't look for the things in women doesnt make them a horrible or unkind gender. We are biologically made to search for support from out partner in someway. It's not as if we have chosen to be like this and we dont necessarily enjoy it


Certainly. And men are biologically programmed to seek women that would maximize their reproductive output, which is why they prefer young women. This creates a lot of problems for both genders.

Still, we can work on these preferences. They may bias our decisions, but we can still ignore them if we want to.
Sperm decreases in quality with age and fitness, too - and I don't mean just in the sense of numbers and motility.



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27 Jun 2016, 8:06 pm

LKL wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
LKL wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
Uh, yeah it is. Men will ultimately fall for their female friend, yet women usually don't have that issue of being reject in the same way and EVEN if they do, they have plenty of options. Women in general also have higher standards than men, since men are seen as the bread winners. This is true EVEN for feminists who state that they look beyond gender roles, yet won't date a guy that doesn't have a job or car.

I wouldn't date a guy who didn't have a job, unless he volunteered at something worthwhile every day. I wouldn't date a man who didn't have a car, unless he had a metro pass and a bike and regularly 'got out.'

It's not necessarily about finding a 'bread winner,' it's about finding someone who isn't a troglodyte.

Again, this just proves a double standard. Guys don't give a f*** 9 times out of 10 if a girl can drive, as long as they can get to her and she still has a choice of partners simply by being a woman. It just is what it is.

...unless she's fat. Or ugly. Or old. Or 'shrill.' Or too smart. Or whatever... Men do have standards, but for some reason they don't want to admit it. Saying that men don't have standards is basically saying that all men just want to have sex with a woman and don't give a damn about compatibility, personality, or anything else than a warm body to basically be an extra-good sex toy; it's rather misandrist, if you think about it.


Standards? Yes.

Lower standards? Again, yes.

I personally don't care about how many interests we share or not.

I'm no sure whether for me personally, opposites attract or if similar interests is important, and have heard many stories of people ending up with 'the type of person they thought they'd never even think of ending up being with'.

So I apply this logic to my own life.

I go in with no expectations. Simply decent looking, and by that I mean completely ordinary, run-of-the-mill, average plain jane 5/10, sometimes even less than that and what a majority of people would call a 4, and compatible.

When I say compatible, I don't mean similar interests or values, I simply mean 'compatible'; as in I simply get along with them and I like them for them and they like me for me.

Otherwise I have no care, consideration or concern for her socio-economic status or such in life and it's not just because I'm young.

I come from a lower middle class family poisoned with failure (high school dropout, no university attendance, unemployment, alcoholism/drug abuse, poor health, some family members criminal history, etc.) so as long as she's not like THEM, she's alright by me.

I guess, yeah, so long as she can pull her own weight in some way, even just by housework or volunteering her time, she's contributing positively to my life and/or society in some way.

Otherwise I wouldn't care if she had no interest in going to university, or getting a career, or even a job for that matter, or her socio-economic background/how much money she has.

I don't know. I'm an ambitious person myself and other ambitious people simply intimidate and turn me off. A good friend suggested someone laidback, quiet, unambitious, open and honest and easy to talk to would be good for me. She couldn;t have been anymore right.

Oh, but apparently that's 'sexist' of me to want someone calm, relaxed, unambitious, quiet and easily impressed with the simpler things in life. She'd more than likely fall into the housewife dynamic of the relationship but this isn't certain.



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28 Jun 2016, 2:44 am

LKL wrote:
rdos wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Just because guys don't look for the things in women doesnt make them a horrible or unkind gender. We are biologically made to search for support from out partner in someway. It's not as if we have chosen to be like this and we dont necessarily enjoy it


Certainly. And men are biologically programmed to seek women that would maximize their reproductive output, which is why they prefer young women. This creates a lot of problems for both genders.

Still, we can work on these preferences. They may bias our decisions, but we can still ignore them if we want to.
Sperm decreases in quality with age and fitness, too - and I don't mean just in the sense of numbers and motility.

That's why there is Clomid.



Alliekit
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28 Jun 2016, 3:37 am

Outrider wrote:
LKL wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
LKL wrote:
CommanderKeen wrote:
Uh, yeah it is. Men will ultimately fall for their female friend, yet women usually don't have that issue of being reject in the same way and EVEN if they do, they have plenty of options. Women in general also have higher standards than men, since men are seen as the bread winners. This is true EVEN for feminists who state that they look beyond gender roles, yet won't date a guy that doesn't have a job or car.

I wouldn't date a guy who didn't have a job, unless he volunteered at something worthwhile every day. I wouldn't date a man who didn't have a car, unless he had a metro pass and a bike and regularly 'got out.'

It's not necessarily about finding a 'bread winner,' it's about finding someone who isn't a troglodyte.

Again, this just proves a double standard. Guys don't give a f*** 9 times out of 10 if a girl can drive, as long as they can get to her and she still has a choice of partners simply by being a woman. It just is what it is.

...unless she's fat. Or ugly. Or old. Or 'shrill.' Or too smart. Or whatever... Men do have standards, but for some reason they don't want to admit it. Saying that men don't have standards is basically saying that all men just want to have sex with a woman and don't give a damn about compatibility, personality, or anything else than a warm body to basically be an extra-good sex toy; it's rather misandrist, if you think about it.


Standards? Yes.

Lower standards? Again, yes.

I personally don't care about how many interests we share or not.

I'm no sure whether for me personally, opposites attract or if similar interests is important, and have heard many stories of people ending up with 'the type of person they thought they'd never even think of ending up being with'.

So I apply this logic to my own life.

I go in with no expectations. Simply decent looking, and by that I mean completely ordinary, run-of-the-mill, average plain jane 5/10, sometimes even less than that and what a majority of people would call a 4, and compatible.

When I say compatible, I don't mean similar interests or values, I simply mean 'compatible'; as in I simply get along with them and I like them for them and they like me for me.

Otherwise I have no care, consideration or concern for her socio-economic status or such in life and it's not just because I'm young.

I come from a lower middle class family poisoned with failure (high school dropout, no university attendance, unemployment, alcoholism/drug abuse, poor health, some family members criminal history, etc.) so as long as she's not like THEM, she's alright by me.

I guess, yeah, so long as she can pull her own weight in some way, even just by housework or volunteering her time, she's contributing positively to my life and/or society in some way.

Otherwise I wouldn't care if she had no interest in going to university, or getting a career, or even a job for that matter, or her socio-economic background/how much money she has.

I don't know. I'm an ambitious person myself and other ambitious people simply intimidate and turn me off. A good friend suggested someone laidback, quiet, unambitious, open and honest and easy to talk to would be good for me. She couldn;t have been anymore right.

Oh, but apparently that's 'sexist' of me to want someone calm, relaxed, unambitious, quiet and easily impressed with the simpler things in life. She'd more than likely fall into the housewife dynamic of the relationship but this isn't certain.


It would only be sexist if your forced her into that dynamic. If it's her choice then there is no issue. She wants to be a housewife that's her freewill.

But would you not go out with and amazing girl you click with just because she doesn't meet this standard?



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28 Jun 2016, 7:58 am

That's why it wouldn't be certain - it's her choice, and it may not be the case as she may choose to want to work or such. Whatever. That's fine by me.

I would go out with an amazing girl who doesn't fit this standard.

Any 5/10 I'm compatible with and simply get along with.

That is my entire standards. A completely average looking female with a decent personality I get along with well.

I'd hate to be called desperate, because I am not.

Desperate is simply dating anyone and everyone for no or any reason at all.

I still have standards and can still reject.

Thing is I've had crushes on, pursued and dated a diverse range and types of females.

It seems I can be attracted to any female so long as I get along with them well. That's my entire criteria - pure chemistry.

Plus, obviously, being attracted to her looks, but that's really not too hard for me.

That and, so long as they aren't a criminal or put me or others in danger on purpose or takes pleasure in hurting people, etc.



Alliekit
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28 Jun 2016, 8:10 am

Outrider wrote:
That's why it wouldn't be certain - it's her choice, and it may not be the case as she may choose to want to work or such. Whatever. That's fine by me.

I would go out with an amazing girl who doesn't fit this standard.

Any 5/10 I'm compatible with and simply get along with.

That is my entire standards. A completely average looking female with a decent personality I get along with well.

I'd hate to be called desperate, because I am not.

Desperate is simply dating anyone and everyone for no or any reason at all.

I still have standards and can still reject.

Thing is I've had crushes on, pursued and dated a diverse range and types of females.

It seems I can be attracted to any female so long as I get along with them well. That's my entire criteria - pure chemistry.

Plus, obviously, being attracted to her looks, but that's really not too hard for me.

That and, so long as they aren't a criminal or put me or others in danger on purpose or takes pleasure in hurting people, etc.


That sounds very sensible :)



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29 Jun 2016, 12:54 pm

Opening cans.

Like with a can opener.

A very neutral behavior no one can object to.