Women asking guys out?

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Maybe I shall tell them I am the daughter of Hassan Nasrallah.

and now I am getting Hi's in hebrew too.... are they expecting to have a coffee with her on the Blue Line or something.

I dunno, maybe you're genderqueer and are into that. You should just say.

I wish I was, if sexuality can be switched like that, I would have a lot of free dinners.

^ Any quality messages? Without profile text, I supposed that's near impossible. That type of profile would be useless to me, for finding a suitable guy.

I tried it once and it was pretty much like that. Even including an "is that really you?" message or two (it was me, but younger and blonder than I really was at the time).

All the messages were rubbish. Who can be bothered.

Men.

Btw; in my last tinder experiment thread (the one that caused so much outrage because most WPers are ethical and boring) - even most girls initiate such messages; and now the new Okc is copycat of tinder, it’s exactly the same
now.

Yellow, you still live in the stone age of dating; the age where women expect “A creative well crafted first message” from guys; this is so old (and so typyical from women at the time, yet you think you’re unique).

The Tinder system is much closer to real life; in real life people start conversation with a Hello, and attraction starts with the looks, and not with a one page creepy essay message; and that’s why this system succeeded the most and dominating all other apps.

I do not think I am unique, in fact I know of plenty of other people 'living in the stone age' still. If nobody else felt how I do about communication, then online dating would be entirely useless to me. But it only is useless if I present myself the 'modern' way. If I do things my way, I attract the best quality people (meaning: people suited to me), and have the greatest chance of meeting someone special.

I'm not so stubborn that I'd continue to do things my preferred way even when everyone else is doing it differently and it's not working for me. My way works for me, so logically it must work for others too!

By "who can be bothered", I mean who can be bothered trawling through a pile of junk to find...junk. Seems a pointless exercise. If it's not junk to you then knock yourself out. Do what works for you!

So when you said you don’t get many messages you mean quality messages. Similar to how women complain there’s no real men cause they redefine what it means to be a man similar to how yiu redefined what it means to be a message. We guys don’t get even simple hello messages.

Why don’t yiu try sending out hundreds of few paragraph personal messages and get no replie and see how long yiu keep it up. It’s tiring, and frustrating. I stopped after hundreds of rejections. Takes me 30 minuets to hour t type those messages each. And what do I get nothing or a i don’t find you attractive. Meanile ive gotten dates from just saying hia.

No, I meant not many messages. Boo said something about unattractive women getting 50 a month and I said I get fewer than that. Maybe 5-20 a month, was my guess.

I said I got plenty of messages when I used a sexy profile pic and hardly any profile text (and the text was generic and dull). But they were not quality messages, not to me. It was an experiment - it wasn't a current pic and the text wasn't even true.

Don't misunderstand - I'm certainly not complaining that I don't get as many messages as most women supposedly get! I like it the way it is, cos I get more quality messages than if I play the mainstream game.

If you have more success with sending "hi" messages, go for it. Everyone has to find their own groove.

Getting 1 message a month would be amazing I get one every 3 years it seems at most.

Yellow, you have this weird notion in your mind that a guy who starts conversation with “Hello” = not a good match = not a quality guy. You also mentioned you only accept guys with a match 99% number.

This is so... judgmentally inhuman, and probably very inaccurate.

But I understand this weird thinking was developed due to the huge numbers of messages you got on okcupid (the old version) over the years - you have been bombarded by messages like any good-looking female on okc; so your brain developed this as a narrow filtering sexual selection mechanism.

Yellow- honestly, you sound like the female frog who expects an amazing singing performance from the male before even allowing him to communicate with you.
I am not saying that female humans are less picky, they aren't.....but anyway, your way is not the typical human way.

Yellow, the 'well-crafted creative first messages that show that they read all my profile' that you expect is also mostly a facade made by guys, the active okcupid guys (those who spent a lot of time on it and did research) KNOW that the Okc girls expect that because they read them on forums/boards...etc, so they PRETEND that the book or that band you listed in your profile got their interest, and ask you about it just to pass the typical Okcupid female ''well-crafted creative first message " test.

The "Hello, I am Sam, what's your name?" for example - is a much more honest and natural first communication and you can know the person better beyond this point, with time, but I know you disagree wit all what I say, because yourd mind became so Okcupidey - you're someone who's not in touch with the real life way , meaning with the 'natural way' of bonding between men and women.

But here is the thing: as I said, Tinder is much more natural, the women i matched with in tinder (with my real account) didn't mind the Hello as first message, and even the women who initiated didn't start with more than something like "Hello, I am Nisrine" ; that's because women are not bombarded by messages in tinder - they only receive messages from those who they matched with, and the less they swipe right the less messages they will get.

And women on tinder come from 'real life' and don't come from the "Online Dating culture" so they didn't develop this "I need a well crafted first message Or else...." attitude - Tinder is the only dating app in online dating history that has reached the masses, like instagram and FB. Tinder has 50 Millions users, Okcupid only 5 Millions. Also the Tinder way is more honest, I am sure that women on the old Okcupid mentally did the "Swipe Left/Right" meaning that you won't reply even to a "well crafted first message that show that they read my profile" if you find him ugly , Tinder just forced women to do it explicitly with their finger.

Tinder is the new formula, Okcupid formula is dead since it got Tinderized. And it's not a bad thing to have more honesty.

Ooookay, I'm gonna spend way too much time and effort on this response cos I hate being misquoted etc.

"Yellow, you have this weird notion in your mind that a guy who starts conversation with “Hello” = not a good match = not a quality guy."
From my experience of replying to these messages and repeatedly being disappointed, I came to this conclusion that they are unlikely to be a suitable match for me, which is what I mean by not a quality match. They could be amazing for someone else.

"You also mentioned you only accept guys with a match 99% number."
Never would have said that cos it's not true. Back when I said what I said, that would have been <5 people total. I have a vague recollection of saying something about >80% or >90%, and I think that would have been about me doing searches. If a 70% match had have messaged me, I wouldn't immediately discount them, cos they might not have answered many questions. But yes, if someone is below 90% and answered plenty if questions, there's likely a big red flag or ten there. It's easy to get a 90% match.

"But I understand this weird thinking was developed due to the huge numbers of messages you got on okcupid (the old version) over the years - you have been bombarded by messages like any good-looking female on okc; so your brain developed this as a narrow filtering sexual selection mechanism."
No, I didn't have that experimental profile for very long. Just tried it out to see if this 'lots of messages' thing was a real thing. I've spent many years on OkC getting not that many messages. And maybe a week or two getting bombarded, with my fake profile.

"Yellow, the 'well-crafted creative first messages that show that they read all my profile' that you expect is also mostly a facade made by guys, the active okcupid guys (those who spent a lot of time on it and did research) KNOW that the Okc girls expect that because they read them on forums/boards...etc, so they PRETEND that the book or that band you listed in your profile got their interest, and ask you about it just to pass the typical Okcupid female ''well-crafted creative first message " test."
Or, they are like-minded, and do it for the same reasons I do.

"yourd mind became so Okcupidey - you're someone who's not in touch with the real life way , meaning with the 'natural way' of bonding between men and women."
I met my current partner in the real world. I do know how it works out there! I'm not stuck in stone age online land

As for the rest of what you said - my method works for me. If I respond to the "hey" messages, I usually get quickly frustrated that we aren't on the same page. We aren't like-minded. If I do it my way, I meet people more like me, people I want to meet.

What is Tinder predominantly set up for? Hookups. If I wanted hookups or short term dating, Tinder and "hey" messages is the way to go - why put in effort finding quality matches when it doesn't matter. But I'm looking for a 'soulmate', for want of a better word, and my soulmate is likely to do dating in a similar way to me.

/way too long reply

^99% or >90%, it's not that different, it is pretty close to what I recalled.

Wrong, most women use it for dating, this reputation was caused by its father gay app. Look it up.


So tell me, yellow, if your method works that much *for you*, why then you are not still in a long term relationship with someone you dated from Okc? Why are you still not married for instance? is the Okc's magical 90% matching is failing you on the long run?

It's not at all impossible. Analysis of OKCupid message data shows that the vast majority of users direct their efforts to the newest profiles with the most attractive images. So you could be Beyonce and if you've been on there for too long, you won't get contacted often because the site won't put you into the rotation for people's feeds. If you happen to be a super photogenic woman, there is a limited window of opportunity to maybe meet someone. Then you're just like everyone else.




Is wanting a "simple hello" really the reason why you joined the app? A message isn't automatically the same thing as a date. Guys who send out rubbishy messages generally aren't interested in hanging out with you, it's just like the virtual equivalent of catcalling. Flirting for the sake of it. My online conversations rarely turn into tangible meetups, it's usually just a little back-and-forth that ends up fizzling.




Believe it or not, women aren't all about the pictures. They actually do read essays, and if your profile is anything at all like the way you write on here, it's not hard to see why most normal people would be running for the hills. Nobody wants to be around someone who advertises themselves as a bitter, whiny, I-hate-the-world sourpuss.



If a guy is only dating you because he's desperate and he thinks he can't find anyone else, it is ALWAYS painfully evident. ALWAYS. This has nothing to do with "vibe detection powers" it has to do with the fact that a lack of enthusiasm and genuine interest will reflect in all of his behavior on a date regardless of whether he is aware of it or not.

Please Aspie boys, stop claiming that you know exactly what every single woman's dating experience is like, on or offline. The fact that a fake profile with a professionally-taken photo got tons of random, vapid messages says absolutely nothing about how easy or difficult it is for a woman to find dates and relationships. All it means is that an appealing new picture has been showing up in a lot of people's feeds. If you keep that profile going for awhile, I promise you the attention will eventually die down. Similar experiments have been done on OKcupid and they all say the same thing..... female users who are very adept at posing for pictures get bombarded with messages when they first start up their accounts, and everyone else struggles to get conversations going.

^
1- Many women are taken pro photos, you are not facebooking much obviously.

2- The are results-after-7-days-graph.jpg only after 7 days! A 18 messages in 7 days is not few at all, some guys would need years to gather that much.

3- Ok, I will redo the experiment with another photo, with a photo of YOUR choosing. And I bet she would still get a lot of messages.

SummarAndSmoke, I officially challenge you.

How about I use one of the photos above, the one with glasses perhaps?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 07 Mar 2018, 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

A-List on OKCupid isn't cheap. To keep it up for a substantial number of months to prove your point would cost you $50 upwards. Are you so wealthy and so devoid of activities that you'd spend that much time and money on a fake dating profile? You could probably just go buy yourself a date on WhatsYourPrice.com