How can I accept turning 30 and still being single?

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But I've read more stories of people continuing to be alone and never finding a partner than the opposite. I don't want to keep living if my fate is to be like there's.

Let’s assume that more people are forever alone. If they continue living productive, and fulfilling lives, does it not follow that perhaps they found something more important in life than romantic relationships?

I don’t really buy into what “they say” are the divorce rates right now, but even if the rate and its relevance are exaggerated, the rate is STILL pathetically high. Even if you never marry, you are assured that the relationship WILL INEVITABLY end. If you are so insistent on achieving relationships, is this reality something that is preferable or, at the very least, acceptable to you? Because either leaving or getting dumped OVER and OVER AGAIN and even ending up right back where you are right now is going to happen. Is that really what you want to sign up for?

Because, I’m telling you, it IS what you’re signing up for. This is one of those things you need to understand that you are NOT special. You are not unique. And your “struggles” will mean absolutely NOTHING in the long run. You will walk the same path we ALL walk, from the womanizing alpha male PUA to guys like me who just got lucky to the most pathetic, unlikely loser who did nothing but simply make the minimal effort.

We ALL ask people we like and get rejected, some even getting BLOCKED on social media. In fact, I had a dear, dear childhood friend who I made NO overtures to, indeed the third most awesome girl in the freakin UNIVERSE, completely block me. It hurt. I didn’t understand it. But it is what it is. It made me sad, but that’s life. An ex who I reconnected AS FRIENDS with dropped clean off the planet. Broke my heart for all kinds of reasons, and not like the first time. It’s complicated. But I had no romantic interest in her. And you really don’t want me to get into my history with girls I HAD been interested in romantically. I only recall THEEE LTRs that ended on good terms.

And it doesn’t end just because I’m married. She craves back scratches, so I indulge her. She needs a break from cooking, so I lovingly handcraft pizzas for everyone. I spend time with her every chance I get. And no matter what I do, just how much do you think MY needs actually get met? Just bringing that up would earn me a reminder of how selfish and ungrateful I am. If you got married, do you think you could handle being ignored every single day? Or worrying about counting the days until she gets sick of you or runs out of patience and just leaves? Because even though she promises she’ll never leave no matter what, there are those times I do worry. Are you honestly prepared for that?

No, it’s not this bad all the time. Not even 1% of the time. But when it is bad, that <1% is so bad you forget about the rest of it. It will overshadow everything you think and do. And that <1% is just enough for her to walk out.

She will gossip about you to her friends, trashing you behind your back. She will not defend you while her friends trash you in front of her. She will yell at you when you disagree strongly about something, and if you just agree all the time she will resent you. And first chance she gets if she’s dissatisfied, she will cheat on you with your best friend, your father, your brother, or maybe even your stepmom.

Is this what you want to sign up for, and are you SURE you’d rather live through all that than being single forever?

Like I said, you won’t experience all of this with one or every woman. But you have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for any of these things and so much more I didn’t even mention, and WORSE things than all of these. Because if you aren’t, you only THINK you want to end your life now. The EASIEST you can go through will make you wish you’d never been born. And it does NOT get better.

Fairy tale endings do happen when both partners are on the same page with most aspects of their lives. That’s the best you can hope for, but it’s always a struggle. My wife and I don’t really see the struggle anymore. We’re in a routine that works for us, so things don’t seem quite as hard as they used to be. By every day is a new challenge. We’re responsible for so much more than we were when we were younger. She just went from teaching assistant to administrative assistant. Translation: she runs the school. I’m about to add more classes to my department and oversee funding new programs. And things at church are radically changing in the area of worship, so I’m about to have to do some major adapting as my role continues to change. And that’s only a SMALL part of what’s happening. No, I didn’t sign up for ANY of it. But here we are. More responsibility more strains on our relationship, and we just keep getting stronger because we just keep working at it. The question is: can you find that person, or are you just going to give up when the bottom falls out? Because I’ve been there, too. Broke. Unemployed. Homeless. Do you honestly believe you can find a woman who will weather the worst with you? And in turn, what do you actually have to offer?

I don’t want to discourage you. I’m just saying you need to think about things and reevaluate where you are right now. No matter how bad things might seem as a single man, IAR can be much, MUCH worse. You need to be absolutely certain you want to assume all these risks and that you can navigate the challenges you most certainly will face.

But I've read more stories of people continuing to be alone and never finding a partner than the opposite. I don't want to keep living if my fate is to be like there's.

I was single when I turned 30.

Plenty of people are.

Life happens on a different timeline for different people.

I have no regrets about the timeline my life took.

Don't want to be a wet blanket but i was single till I was 35 and there's plenty of NTs who are in the same boat. Something clicked when I was older and I realised I was approaching dating all wrong. I stopped searching for a relationship and just started mixing socially with no expectations and then finding a life partner just happened...

Don't want to be a wet blanket but i was single till I was 35 and there's plenty of NTs who are in the same boat. Something clicked when I was older and I realised I was approaching dating all wrong. I stopped searching for a relationship and just started mixing socially with no expectations and then finding a life partner just happened...

Then change. Women aren't going to flock to an overweight 30 year-old man living with his mother.

The girls I dated were fully aware that I wanted a girlfriend. There were some times when dating was nearly my only social outlet.
Yet things still turned out for me. So if you take the traditional approach of dating for the sake of dating, you can still find a partner that way.

Then change. Women aren't going to flock to an overweight 30 year-old man living with his mother.

That's a good approach but it's not the only one. Different strokes for different folks as they say. I dated with intent on to date. The girls I dated were fully aware that I wanted a girlfriend. There were some times when dating was nearly my only social outlet.

Yet things still turned out for me. So if you take the traditional approach of dating for the sake of dating, you can still find a partner that way.

You can still date with reserved expectations, in fact that's probably the better way to do it until you know the person and can more accurately judge whether there's something there or not.

I think cyberdad was saying not to approach social situations with the explicit expectation that they will lead to something more, jist let things happen as they do.

Were you single long-term up until that point? Like 5-10 years or so?
Simply being single when you turn 30 is a very different situation to being single for years through your teens and twenties and then reaching 30.

So does that mean your marriage is coming to an end?

[quote="AngelRho]If being alone is enough to make you want to end your life, how the heck do you think relationships are going to make things any better? It only gets more difficult as you go.[/quote]
Being alone is tolerable for most to an extent, but again, when it's long-term and despite your best efforts, it can be very damaging to your self-esteem and self-image, particularly if you're alone your whole life. If you don't see the prospect of having a relationship as possible because you've been alone a ridiculously long time and no one's wanted you, of course you're going to be depressed, and if you'd rather not live at all than go through the rest of your life without a relationship, and it doesn't seem like a relationship is coming your way, suicidal thoughts are understandable.[/quote]