Turned 31 without a girlfriend. Is it time to give up?

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I am the opposite of you, I am a “pessimistic” realist, I am not seeing it will happen to him any time soon, for very long time at least.

An “optimist” realist is not a true realist in my book.

Friendly Teasing: A pessimistic realist would say that.

I'm an upwards vector.

Pessimism: the glass is half empty
Optimism: the glass is half full
Realism: the glass is 50% water
Pessimistic Realism: the glass is 50% water and evaporating
Optimistic Realism: the glass is 50% water and the server is on the way...

I’m an optimistic realist.

I know Beirut won’t go down to 2 Celsius this winter.

That sounds like an RPG character's alignment system.

Objectivist: the glass is full, and I didn’t need to wait for a server or for the government. I can get my own water.

It’s all about what you make happen for yourself. I’m not going to say I don’t want someone to have a gf. I will say I don’t want anyone to pursue a path that makes them miserable. If literally NO ONE wants you, while it is tragic, it just means no one is WORTHY of you. Either you value the rest of humanity enough to risk getting out and finding somewhere you can make good things happen for yourself, or you feel your status quo is more valuable than taking a risk. If the latter is the case, you have nothing to complain about. Why continue to be unhappy? The only reward for playing the victim card is the perceived right to complain. I don’t feel sorry for complainers, at least not for complaining. I feel sorry for people who honestly try but hit the brick wall of forced dependency.

I feel bad for Marknis because I suspect his mom doesn’t think he can survive on his own. I also think he misunderstood a lot of things he was told about relationships, assuming he wasn’t outright lied to (which is entirely possible).

Getting into a relationship isn’t what gets more difficult as you age. What gets more difficult is changing your situation as a whole. It’s easy to get comfortable, even when the status quo is misery. I’m going through some stuff right now, too, and I’ve about reached my own breaking point. You have to decide that the risk leaves you better off than where you are, that sometimes sleeping on someone’s couch or floor is better. In my case, there are 4 other people who would be affected, so I have to think about what would happen to them if things don’t work out. The more you learn to prefer a bad situation to the alternative, the harder it is to break free from it.

You got me there. My assertiveness and EF are awful. Working on it now that I know what the "problem" is. And I have an ASD Coach to help me execute. Not government; cash out of hand.

When I read Ayn Rand as a young adult I was appalled and fascinated. It made a big impression on me in any case.

No, it means he's objectively seen very unattractive/undesired by the vast majority of the opposite sex; at least in his area.

She only thinks it’s ok for her. Oddly, she bashes the males here and claims we shouldn’t be allowed to have relationships even though she says her boyfriend has AS.

Last edited by Marknis on 28 Sep 2019, 5:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You live in the bible belt,try praying and asking if you can have a wife or if there is something better.

I did that when I was a brainwashed teen and adolescent. It didn’t work and I started to lose my faith in God after that.

I never thought I would reach this age and still be single until I became truly depressed in my senior high school tenure.

The person who trolled me and duped my account claimed she wanted to help me. She was lying but even if she wasn’t, what she did was a horrible way to build a bridge with me.

Nothing around here ever seems to change, huh.

You're not missing anything.

I'll sneak in every now and then, but WP, or most of it, anyway, is pretty much dead. I recently made the mistake of learning how to code in Python, and now I'm writing generative music scripts. I'm working my way up to TensorFlow, gonna try out some ML for making synthesized sounds. For now I'm using commercial plugins, but I don't intend to be stuck here forever. If I can make it that far with Python, I'll have a good prototype that I can compile in Swift and go ahead and get the iPhone app version going. Meanwhile, I'm also writing Python code to give my malletSTATION students more control, like switching sounds from the controller rather than the computer. My plan is to eventually create my own instrument with a suitable percussion library for my students so we don't have to always use my MacBook Pro, which itself is suffering some reliability issues. The new instrument will likely run a headless Linux and load my Python script on startup, negating the need for any other kind of input device or monitor.

I'm keeping busy, in other words, so my participation is somewhat limited on here. I've been as encouraging as I think anyone can with Marknis. It's up to him as to how he proceeds.

Chronic unattractiveness (at least to a certain community) is not something that can easily be cured.

Python coding sounds like great fun. I dabbled with some real entry-level stuff when I was writing Python scripts to run on a plugin for Notepad++, for a modding community I was part of. We had large files of psuedo-code that needed scripts to fast-track our edits. I have a friend who had a job in machine learning using Python. Funnily enough he got that job because he did a brief unit on Python coding in his degree. Wasn't aware that you could use it to generate music, but I suppose I lacked ambition and/or faith in Python, haha.

Since my early days on WP I've become financially stable. Not wealthy, but I recall your advice about living within your means and only now realize what you meant. Now I'm far better off than the vast majority of my socio-economic class. This epiphany occurred when I found that all my coworkers, even those in their 50s, have little assets or savings, live paycheck-to-paycheck, and freak out over surprise costs that are a minor inconvenience to me at best, despite us having the same wages and their much more extensive work experience. Most of them, especially while young, spent all their money during pay week. I budgeted instead. I've done this with menial work - going from a borderline volunteer environmental conservation job, to being a casual janitor at a public school, to a full-time gardener. I'm planning to go back to University soon so I can finish my abandoned IT degree and break out of "unskilled" work. With a higher income I can live the life I really want because I've learned how to live within my means. So long as I follow that principle I will always remain secure. In the worst-case scenario I lose everything, but I've come from nothing so I can always rebuild from nothing again.

No closer to getting anyway romance-wise though. There was one girl that I could have had something with, but I lacked the self-confidence to recognize she was into me and attempt to pursue it, so a different guy won her heart instead. I can't give advice to Marknis, because I've absolutely no idea how to change from undesirable to desirable beyond vague platitudes. Perhaps next year will be the one where things finally fall into place.