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If a partner doesn't lead to happiness...

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Mark198423
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27 Nov 2010, 9:17 pm

nilescrane wrote:
If that's you in the pic, you should severely lower your standards. Not saying it to be mean, just giving you a reality check.


What are my standards?



nilescrane
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27 Nov 2010, 9:17 pm

You said you wanted a girl as good as your ex who you described as pretty and hot.



hale_bopp
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27 Nov 2010, 9:20 pm

nilescrane wrote:
You said you wanted a girl as good as your ex who you described as pretty and hot.


I think he just meant has he has gotten someone who isn't completely awful looking in the past, so they are out there. I don't know, maybe you're right and he does.



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27 Nov 2010, 9:25 pm

You can't rely on luck, though.

The reason I'm so down on these guys is because I worked hard to improve my appearance/clothing style/body language/attitude, and also learned about the dating game through trial and error and listening to other experienced men and talking to a lot of women online and offline. I'm still not where I want to be, but I realize the work involved to even get a woman that's equal to me in the looks department. No one's entitled to anything.



Mark198423
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27 Nov 2010, 9:26 pm

nilescrane wrote:
You said you wanted a girl as good as your ex


No I didn't. Maybe you should read post before responding to them:

Mark198423 wrote:
I not even necessarily looking for someone of the same calibre as my ex but please stop telling me to aim below what attracts me.


I think you should also not judge people based on photos. My ex never came out in pictures like she was in life but I didn't meet anyone who didn't think she was attractive in person. Also, she's my only ever girlfriend but she's far from the only attractive girl I've attracted and had varying relations with. But as I said a few posts ago, I don't have to match her looks, I do want someone I'm attracted to though.



Mark198423
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27 Nov 2010, 9:29 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
You said you wanted a girl as good as your ex who you described as pretty and hot.


I think he just meant has he has gotten someone who isn't completely awful looking in the past, so they are out there. I don't know, maybe you're right and he does.


No, you're right initially, I know there are girls out there who I would find attractive and also would find me attractive. That's not my issue. My issue is meeting them and initialting things, from there on I think I can get on OK.



Mark198423
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27 Nov 2010, 9:32 pm

nilescrane wrote:
You can't rely on luck, though.

The reason I'm so down on these guys is because I worked hard to improve my appearance/clothing style/body language/attitude, and also learned about the dating game through trial and error and listening to other experienced men and talking to a lot of women online and offline. I'm still not where I want to be, but I realize the work involved to even get a woman that's equal to me in the looks department. No one's entitled to anything.


Clearly you have issues around looks. I want somebody that I find attractive but I don't look at looks in the way you do. You obviously aspire to gain the best looking girl you can, whereas I'm looking for somebody with mutual attraction that I can stay with long-term.



nilescrane
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27 Nov 2010, 9:33 pm

I'm not judging you...I could care less what you look like...but if you want to complain about not being able to attract women you like (even if they aren't hot) you have to look at yourself first literally and figuratively.

It's also not helping you get to where you want to be to complain on a message board. It's passive-aggressive.



Mark198423
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27 Nov 2010, 9:41 pm

nilescrane wrote:
I'm not judging you...I could care less what you look like...but if you want to complain about not being able to attract women you like (even if they aren't hot) you have to look at yourself first literally and figuratively.

It's also not helping you get to where you want to be to complain on a message board. It's passive-aggressive.


I'm not complaining about not attracting them, I was sympathising with somebody in similar circumstances to me by posting here. I'm in the situation because I stuggle to initiate contact with women, rather than attract them. How many times must I write that before you stop looking past it?

I also never claimed it was helping with the situation to talk about it on here, but have you ever thought that it might help for people to get things out in the open, even if it is within the anonymous realms of the internet.

I can't believe you fail to see the irony everytime you complain about whining on message boards.



Erisad
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27 Nov 2010, 9:57 pm

Mark198423 wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
erisad you've done nothing wrong, sure its not as exciting as explosions and stuff
but you have every right to be happy and stuff
and if the men, like toad don't like it
well they can go f**k themselves
just because they're sad doesn't mean you have to be
enjoy life, and have fun! And don't censor yourself for anyone


To be fair, this is his thread about being unhappy in being single. This is a support site for people with issues that can effect getting a relationship so is the perfect place to post about it. It's out of line to talk like that about people here for that reason. I've got nothing against Erisad but I do think talking of her exploits in her new relationship in this thread can easily appear to be rubbing it in.


Look, the only reason I posted in here to begin with was because the Face of Boo brought my name up. I didn't mean to rub my success in. I was just explaining myself by responding to the posts directing at me. I thought that maybe I could bring hope to some of the sad posters, seeing as I was in a similar boat as them. Ugh, I'm getting sick of defending myself for being happy. I didn't think being positive could be offensive but there it is. :/



Mark198423
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27 Nov 2010, 10:01 pm

Erisad wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
erisad you've done nothing wrong, sure its not as exciting as explosions and stuff
but you have every right to be happy and stuff
and if the men, like toad don't like it
well they can go f**k themselves
just because they're sad doesn't mean you have to be
enjoy life, and have fun! And don't censor yourself for anyone


To be fair, this is his thread about being unhappy in being single. This is a support site for people with issues that can effect getting a relationship so is the perfect place to post about it. It's out of line to talk like that about people here for that reason. I've got nothing against Erisad but I do think talking of her exploits in her new relationship in this thread can easily appear to be rubbing it in.


Look, the only reason I posted in here to begin with was because the Face of Boo brought my name up. I didn't mean to rub my success in. I was just explaining myself by responding to the posts directing at me. I thought that maybe I could bring hope to some of the sad posters, seeing as I was in a similar boat as them. Ugh, I'm getting sick of defending myself for being happy. I didn't think being positive could be offensive but there it is. :/


I know why you were brought up, it was the continued discussion that I said could appear to rub it in. As I said in what you quoted, I've nothing against you - or your happiness.



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27 Nov 2010, 10:06 pm

Erisad wrote:
Look, the only reason I posted in here to begin with was because the Face of Boo brought my name up. I didn't mean to rub my success in. I was just explaining myself by responding to the posts directing at me. I thought that maybe I could bring hope to some of the sad posters, seeing as I was in a similar boat as them. Ugh, I'm getting sick of defending myself for being happy. I didn't think being positive could be offensive but there it is. :/


You're not being offensive at all. Trust me, there have been others that have flaunted it way more than you have, and most of those have had their fun and moved on, not caring about the plight of the rest of us unlovables... If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you for that tabloid remark.

Unfortunately, there are always people here that are going to resent you. You have to understand, that from the point of view of at least myself but probably others out there, you were effectively "handed" a free relationship, something that most of us have wanted for most of our adult lives. It doesn't matter if the previous is 100% false. The point is, it appears to be that way. Of course people are going to resent you. I'm sorry, but while I can try to keep my own snide remarks to myself as best I can, others have no such compunction for letting loose...



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27 Nov 2010, 10:19 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Look, the only reason I posted in here to begin with was because the Face of Boo brought my name up. I didn't mean to rub my success in. I was just explaining myself by responding to the posts directing at me. I thought that maybe I could bring hope to some of the sad posters, seeing as I was in a similar boat as them. Ugh, I'm getting sick of defending myself for being happy. I didn't think being positive could be offensive but there it is. :/


You're not being offensive at all. Trust me, there have been others that have flaunted it way more than you have, and most of those have had their fun and moved on, not caring about the plight of the rest of us unlovables... If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you for that tabloid remark.

Unfortunately, there are always people here that are going to resent you. You have to understand, that from the point of view of at least myself but probably others out there, you were effectively "handed" a free relationship, something that most of us have wanted for most of our adult lives. It doesn't matter if the previous is 100% false. The point is, it appears to be that way. Of course people are going to resent you. I'm sorry, but while I can try to keep my own snide remarks to myself as best I can, others have no such compunction for letting loose...


Lol, as much as it appears to be that way. It wasn't true. I wasn't "handed" anything. We both worked to meet each other a couple times, get to know each other and actually make a connection which is a hard part for a lot of Aspies. If people want to judge me based on what they don't know, fine. It's their loss. :/

Mark198423 - I saw that in the post, I was speaking on why it was made into such a big deal in general. I didn't intend to post any more than the first one I made. Then people responded to my post and I answered. In the future, I'll try to keep it out of sad threads in the future by PMing the person who brings me up or asks me stuff. Sadly, I think the damage has been done for the most part. D:



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28 Nov 2010, 5:11 am

nilescrane wrote:
The reason some guys on here are bitter about Erisad is because since she's a woman, she's overlooked for her low self-esteem and depression...while guys on here that are her male equivalent have no options and are treated poorly by women. But whining about it isn't going to do anything.


if anyone overlooks something negative about Erisad it's because she's friendly and treats people respectfully. that's probably why she found a partner also.

maybe whoever is bitter toward her could learn something from her instead.

otherwise this is just another MenHaveItWorse statement and there are enough arguments about that.

bitter people have it worse. it's just true. it helps no one to indulge the kind of thinking that blames people who have it easier or have overcome some of their difficulties. use them as role models instead.


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spongy
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28 Nov 2010, 7:25 am

katzefrau wrote:
nilescrane wrote:
The reason some guys on here are bitter about Erisad is because since she's a woman, she's overlooked for her low self-esteem and depression...while guys on here that are her male equivalent have no options and are treated poorly by women. But whining about it isn't going to do anything.


if anyone overlooks something negative about Erisad it's because she's friendly and treats people respectfully. that's probably why she found a partner also.

maybe whoever is bitter toward her could learn something from her instead.

otherwise this is just another MenHaveItWorse statement and there are enough arguments about that.

bitter people have it worse. it's just true. it helps no one to indulge the kind of thinking that blames people who have it easier or have overcome some of their difficulties. use them as role models instead.


I just want to point out that Erisad issues have been mentioned by other users when she was still looking for a partner, we didnt want to bring her down ,we just wanted to make sure she understood that the whole low self steem/problems with my mum etc is usually a downer and would probably decrease her chances of finding a partner.

She managed to find a partner so I see no point on talking about her issues again.

As katzefrau pointed out its all about focusing on your good aspects and trying to hide your issues as much as posible. For example Im considered to be short by most people and I dont have above average looks/social skills however I try to focus on making jokes(apparently most people find me funny) and paying attention to small details.

Last monday for example I was having lunch with my male friends and a female decided to join our table, after a few minutes of pretending she wasnt there I remenbered that a mont ago she mentioned me she was having some trouble with her internet connection so I asked her if she had solved it, I made a few jokes about my memory afterwards and now every time she sees me we start talking(until then I only existed when she needed help from my friends).


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ToadOfSteel
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28 Nov 2010, 7:30 am

katzefrau wrote:
bitter people have it worse. it's just true. it helps no one to indulge the kind of thinking that blames people who have it easier or have overcome some of their difficulties. use them as role models instead.


I'm trying my hardest to overcome that and suppress it, but any cursory examination of my posts will show that it still manages to come out every now and then, especially when I'm stressed...