Constant rejection from women is making me suicidal

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riley
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Joined: 18 May 2006
Age: 49
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01 Oct 2011, 4:47 am

SadAspy wrote:

riley wrote:

Case in point. You act like a jerk which is why you can't get any without paying for it.

You hate women so they hate you.

Why did they reject me before I started hating them?

You have the cause-and-effect relationship reversed. They hated me, so I hated them.

I don't know what other things about your turned them off only you can answer that. Hating them just provided another reason.

Afr0
Raven
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01 Oct 2011, 7:54 am

Quote:

Females hated me when I was younger, I was pushy, needy, had no clue about how to interact with them and had no clue on signs of not being interested on talking with me so I ended up being accused of this things several times a month.

This.

What I recently learned is that if a female accuses you of being "into" her (read: having a crush on her, or similar) - which has happened to me many times, instead of acting like nothing happened or avoiding contact altogether, just bring the issue into the open and make it clear that you are, in fact, not.
Many women/girls are conceited because they've been in countless of relationships and approached by thousands of guys, so if you can reject the accusation in a manner that is both polite and slightly belittling at the same time (for instance, instead of calling her "sexy" or "beautiful", call her "cute"), she will not only believe you, but also think that you've been approached by even more girls than she has been approached by guys, which is always a good thing (just don't overdo it, or you can easily come off like an a**hole).

Edit: Just to make it completely clear what is going on here, in a social context, this "technique" is called fighting fire with fire.

RICKY5
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01 Oct 2011, 8:30 am

Adam82 wrote:

Grisha wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

AS_Citizen_43275-B wrote:

A typical aspie male is the poster child of what nearly all (younger) women don't want. Yes, rejections are painful, I've had my share.

I'm now 30 and I've resigned myself into accepting a perpetual life being single. I don't even attempt to hit on girls anymore. Sure, it'll be nice to interact with a girl you're interested in, but face reality (see my 1st paragraph). Strangely, I don't feel lonely.

Being constantly overlooked and seeing girls go for smooth talking small-brained a**holes was making me bitter and misogynistic. I'm now apathetic in seeking a relationship and as a result I'm happy and at peace. I suggest you become stoic and accept the reality of what AS is on a man. Have your soulmate find you, rather than you going through all the rejections.

Women that are understanding and tolerant of AS symptoms are too few and too far in between. Maybe the pretty girl who likes you and accepts you for who you are is not white
or blond, as I seen a post from you that you wouldn't date a non-white girl. Your limiting yourself man!

Being single is mandatory for many aspies. It sucks, but it's reality. Grow to accept it. After all we're in a wrong planet full of prejudiced NTs.

Those women that have rejected you are not worth becoming resentful and misogynistic...

I am nearly at this stage. I turn 30 next year. And I have to pretty much accept that I never will have a girlfriend. AS men just don't press their buttons. Just find something more useful to dedicate my life to pursuing.

Very difficult thing to accept though, I still can't even at my age. The important thing is to learn to enjoy the times you actually do have. Personally, I got "rejected" last night by a woman who actually hit on me first, and I spent the day with a wonderful girl who could never be my girlfriend - and it was totally awesome! I'm not kidding. It's all a matter of your perspective.

Learn to cherish the little things...

Wait...enjoy being friendzoned and rejected?

What?

Now that is something very difficult to accept.

@Adam82, Make money and bang escorts. Love is not real. Status-seeking and biomechanical impulses are.

hale_bopp
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01 Oct 2011, 8:41 am

RICKY5 wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

Grisha wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

AS_Citizen_43275-B wrote:

Wait...enjoy being friendzoned and rejected?

What?

Now that is something very difficult to accept.

@Adam82, Make money and bang escorts. Love is not real. Status-seeking and biomechanical impulses are.

Do you not love anyone? Are you a sociopath?

LikeGreenAndBlue
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Joined: 14 Aug 2010
Age: 39
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01 Oct 2011, 1:03 pm

RICKY5 wrote:

@Adam82, Make money and bang escorts. Love is not real. Status-seeking and biomechanical impulses are.

I think what you just wrote here can be summed up by saying "there is no God" or "I am an atheist". Am I correct?

And yes, I think there is some truth to this. It's a cruel world we live in for the most part. Meaning that if your at the bottom of the barrel you will probably not get a mate.

But there are other ways to love and feel loved in return. You can get a pet. You can also adopt a child who needs a home. If I ever get the urge to be a father, that's what I would do.

RICKY5
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01 Oct 2011, 5:57 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

Grisha wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

AS_Citizen_43275-B wrote:

Wait...enjoy being friendzoned and rejected?

What?

Now that is something very difficult to accept.

@Adam82, Make money and bang escorts. Love is not real. Status-seeking and biomechanical impulses are.

Do you not love anyone? Are you a sociopath?

I just find "romance" to be a waste of time/resources.

blunnet
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01 Oct 2011, 8:24 pm

RICKY5 wrote:

I just find "romance" to be a waste of time/resources.

I'm a bit skeptic about romantic love as I tend to think most of it is likely crap, so I kinda share your sentiment, and yeah I think you are right, that "love" is basically 'biomechanical impulses' and relationships/marriage is more like 'Status-seeking' or looking out for some sort of 'your social status'.

Miss_Bermuda
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02 Oct 2011, 8:44 pm

Sad aspy; way back you wrote that you had no incentive not to yell because not yelling had not worked either.
That's probably how this loop you're stuck in got started. For whatever reason, actions you saw as 'nice' failed. I really like the comments about 'niceness' on this thread; how it's an ambiguous descriptive to begin with. You seem really scared, but maybe you should go back and take a hard look at this 'niceness'. Perhaps it had the same conditional nature underneath.

So you're stuck in a loop; you started out ok, nobody gave you a chance. You seem to think it's the other parties's responsibility to do that, maybe because you don't know how to get out of a loop.

Jumping out of a loop is about spontaneity. I find spontaneity can be achieved through things like... (at random) forgiveness, meditation, lateral thinking, good hallucinogens. stuff like that. You break the loop by acting the oppositve to whatever or whoever it was that got you into it. and you can't do that while you're blaming, coz you'll be looking for excuses to act the same way, and so perpetuate the cycle.

As for the context of this thread and knowing someone on here, and the whole 'gang vs gang'; im transgender, I just liked the name 'Miss Bermuda'. I wanted to be called Maximus because of the TRANSCENDENTAL story of being stuck in the arena, but it was already taken. and as for underlying nature and niceness, i know that neuroscience helps us, but i find this forum really dogmatic in its heterosexism almost constantly; people looking for answers and directions to their problems by talking about 'what men like' and 'what women look for in a man' and talking about apes in the jungle etc. Life isn't an ideology, it's not that kind of simple.

Hope you're ok though. Good on you for expressing it and engaging anyway.
I didn't click on this thread because I wanted to join a gang and argue, I clicked on this thread because its how I feel. But I dont think its really even the rejection, so much as the way I react to it.

Trainbuff
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02 Oct 2011, 9:56 pm

number2 wrote:

Why don't you find a girl that has asperger's? there are some cute looking asperger girls out there that might be open to you then an NT. I personally have had alot of trouble with NT's.

Based on the posts I read on this site, female aspies are not too fond of when people look/stare at them... this is a issue with male aspies, that in itself would be a major issue... even though I assume male aspies who suffer from this try their best not to look at woman wheather their NT or aspie.

I know I do... usally not sueussful though, much easier when walking down the street vs sitting on a bus. I stare/look at people at work and I don't even have the slightest intrest in them, a lot of times they say some kind of snide remark under thier breath when I walk by, 9 times out of 10 I can hear what they say and its very painful... one of the most frustering things about being a aspie, on top of what the OP said. :cry:

RICKY5
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03 Oct 2011, 4:23 pm

blunnet wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

I just find "romance" to be a waste of time/resources.

Glad to see someone who "gets it".

My point is that aspie men need to apply their logic and literal thinking to things like
Romance and dating. Even though the facts can be ugly , they are far more beautiful than a lie that leads to ruin in the end.

ValentineWiggin
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03 Oct 2011, 5:47 pm

All our impulses and desires are bio-chemical or -related.

What in bloody hell does that have to do with anything?

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of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
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swbluto
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03 Oct 2011, 9:20 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

All our impulses and desires are bio-chemical or -related.

What in bloody hell does that have to do with anything?

Indeed, all the parts in a car are mechanical but no one lets that devalue the experiences it allows.

blunnet
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03 Oct 2011, 11:09 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

All our impulses and desires are bio-chemical or -related.

What in bloody hell does that have to do with anything?

- It has to do with sex because we are sexual beings (as a species before someone starts stating "I am asexual or I don't care about sex").

- What is romantic love anyways? and wether this is just social and cultural ideas to explain our nature, and given that the end is to satisfy oneself (physically and emotionally) out of someone else.

- Skepticism towards cultural and social ideas about love.

- Other issues such as divorces, adultery, etc. did they love each other? they claim love, etc.

- The issue is wether love exists as much as the existence of the soul.

bruinsy33
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Joined: 31 Jul 2011
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04 Oct 2011, 4:32 pm

Chronos wrote:

SadAspy wrote:

Erisad wrote:

I had someone because I worked for it. Lost weight, joined an online dating site and made connections with people. It's not easy but it is possible.

<Yawn> I've done all these things too....

anna-banana wrote:

this is why you're alone.

Nice try, but wrong. I only started acting this way after multiple rejections....I used to be a nice guy, but women corrupted me.

Nice is a commodity. It's better to have a share in that commodity than not, but there are a lot of nice guys...in fact most guys are nice. Being nice just means that your character is not of a repulsive nature. It does not mean someone will be attracted to you romantically.

I'm a nice woman. In fact I'm much nicer than most women. I don't play games and I'm not shallow, and I'm understanding of faults. Yet I've been rejected by every single man I've approached. I don't go on tirades against all men because it's illogical and I understand how attraction works...or at least how it doesn't work, and I understand that relationships are about the dynamics between two individuals.

You seem to think relationships are about contract bartering, and you seem to think that contract says if you act in x way, y girl has an obligation to fall in love with you.

That is completely wrong.

I'm willing to bet you feel that you are being lied to by girls who indicate that they like you, because either they are actually just trying to be civil and you are mistaking it for romantic interest, or maybe they did like you and after they got to know you they decided you weren't their type. This is to be expected in relationships and dating and happens frequently to everyone when they are trying to date; men and women both.

That's a good point.The OP could likely improve his chances greatly by perhaps choosing different targets based on a more realistic perception.If the OP has been rejected as much as he claims he should by now have a better idea of who may be legitimitely romantically interested or not interested in him.Examine why some of these girls rejected you and learn from your mistakes.Your approach,personality ,physical attractiveness all may be perfectly fine but maybe you are assuming romantic interest when it just isn't there and dismissing possible romantic interest when it really is there .

zen_mistress
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04 Oct 2011, 6:27 pm

RICKY5 wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

RICKY5 wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

Grisha wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

AS_Citizen_43275-B wrote:

Wait...enjoy being friendzoned and rejected?

What?

Now that is something very difficult to accept.

@Adam82, Make money and bang escorts. Love is not real. Status-seeking and biomechanical impulses are.

Do you not love anyone? Are you a sociopath?

I just find "romance" to be a waste of time/resources.

I wouldnt say myself that romance are a waste of time/resources. But I do think that it comes along so rarely that is counterproductive and silly to worry about lack of friends/lovers. It is better to go out and do interesting stuff and not worry about whether others will join you or not. I have not given up on relationships, but I have decided I will not let peoples rejection hurt me anymore, let me put it that way.

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Taking a break.

bruinsy33
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04 Oct 2011, 10:03 pm

AS_Citizen_43275-B wrote:

A typical aspie male is the poster child of what nearly all (younger) women don't want. Yes, rejections are painful, I've had my share.

I'm now 30 and I've resigned myself into accepting a perpetual life being single. I don't even attempt to hit on girls anymore. Sure, it'll be nice to interact with a girl you're interested in, but face reality (see my 1st paragraph). Strangely, I don't feel lonely.

Being constantly overlooked and seeing girls go for smooth talking small-brained a**holes was making me bitter and misogynistic. I'm now apathetic in seeking a relationship and as a result I'm happy and at peace. I suggest you become stoic and accept the reality of what AS is on a man. Have your soulmate find you, rather than you going through all the rejections.

As for appeasing our ever annoying 'lil friend that us men have, go to bars and pick up the wild drunk chick, or find a chemically dependent girl were you can easily negotiate a "favor", or go to "massage" parlor, or call one of those "special" outcall ads.. Just don't be stupid enough to fall in love with any of these women!! ! Just saying...

Women that are understanding and tolerant of AS symptoms are too few and too far in between. Maybe the pretty girl who likes you and accepts you for who you are is not white or blond, as I seen a post from you that you wouldn't date a non-white girl. Your limiting yourself man!

Being single is mandatory for many aspies. It sucks, but it's reality. Grow to accept it. After all we're in a wrong planet full of prejudiced NTs.

Those women that have rejected you are not worth becoming resentful and misogynistic...

Excellent post and I particularly agree with the part about letting your soulmate find you rather than going through all those rejections.The right woman will find her way to you as long as you are open to recieving her .I think men with AS would have a tremendous difficulty doing a cold approach or meeting women in bars.As you mentioned women that would be tolerant of AS symptoms are few and far between especially when meeting someone for the first time .My AS tendencies for me personally seem to be full blown whenever meeting someone, initially. Only after repeated exposure to me do people get to see beyong my inherent AS characterisitcs.

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