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Is not having friends a turn off?

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ValentineWiggin
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10 Apr 2012, 12:07 am

hyperlexian wrote:
if a person doesn't want ANY friends, then a romantic relationship would logically be unwanted as well... so if a person doesn't want regular friends but DOES want a romantic relationship... that seems off balance.

...why? Curious.

hyperlexian wrote:
also... romantic relationships involve friendship. so if a person doesn't have friends then it signals to me that they could have issues with maintaining relationships.

They (for me) involve what other people would define as "friendship", encompassed and I would say overtaken by much, much more.
hyperlexian wrote:
and... i don't have the time and energy to be someone's *everything*. i am not hyper-social, so if they needed me to be their companion for every single social event or situation (or their only emotional support) it would be extremely draining.

I'm fairly anti-social...which is why I wouldn't mind being their only companion. 8)
Leaves out the stress of potentially having to meet/act "normal" around their friends/acquaintances/Billy from down the street/whatever.


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hyperlexian
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10 Apr 2012, 12:12 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:
...why? Curious.
if a person wants a relationship then they must want a friend. it's illogical to me for a person to say that they don't want friends yet want a romantic relationship, since one is encapsulated in the other.


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hale_bopp
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10 Apr 2012, 12:44 am

Yes, and so is having only female friends.



Joker
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10 Apr 2012, 1:19 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Yes, and so is having only female friends.


Gosh I am just not good at talking to guys I guess.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Apr 2012, 1:23 am

^^ then i must be a turn off for hale_bopp, because i didn't have real friends for a long time and my current ones are female.

but I recall that hale doesn't have friends IRL either.

Weird, he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones!

This thread is annoying and full of BS judgement, double-standard and hypocrisy.

I mean, wtf, this is an Asperger forum, a lot of people here are socially inept and don't or can't make friends yet some of you are still valuing people by their social life situation?

f**k off!



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 10 Apr 2012, 1:36 am, edited 2 times in total.

spongy
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10 Apr 2012, 1:30 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ then i must be a turn off for hale_bopp, then i didn't have real friends for a long time and my current ones are female.

but I recall that hale doesn't have friends IRL either.

Weird, he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones!

This thread is annoying and full of BS judgement.

I mean, wtf, this is an Asperger forum, a lot of people have don't and can't make friends.


hale has also stated that she isnt actively looking for a relationship a few times.

This thread seems to be going down the personal attacks road and will probably end up locked if people dont change their attitude.
Its a shame because several members found the discussion interesting but if it keeps going this way its goiing to be locked.



Joker
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10 Apr 2012, 1:33 am

spongy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ then i must be a turn off for hale_bopp, then i didn't have real friends for a long time and my current ones are female.

but I recall that hale doesn't have friends IRL either.

Weird, he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones!

This thread is annoying and full of BS judgement.

I mean, wtf, this is an Asperger forum, a lot of people have don't and can't make friends.


hale has also stated that she isnt actively looking for a relationship a few times.

This thread seems to be going down the personal attacks road and will probably end up locked if people dont change their attitude.
Its a shame because several members found the discussion interesting but if it keeps going this way its goiing to be locked.


It was a bit rude for The-Face-Of-Boo to say that but. I don't think that not having friends will kepp some one from having a relationship though.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Apr 2012, 1:34 am

spongy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ then i must be a turn off for hale_bopp, then i didn't have real friends for a long time and my current ones are female.

but I recall that hale doesn't have friends IRL either.

Weird, he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones!

This thread is annoying and full of BS judgement.

I mean, wtf, this is an Asperger forum, a lot of people have don't and can't make friends.


hale has also stated that she isnt actively looking for a relationship a few times.

This thread seems to be going down the personal attacks road and will probably end up locked if people dont change their attitude.
Its a shame because several members found the discussion interesting but if it keeps going this way its goiing to be locked.


Yea, i am with to lock it up.

Because their opinions are personal attacks by themselves here.



Tim_Tex
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10 Apr 2012, 1:39 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Yes, and so is having only female friends.


If you and a guy get together, his female friends can become your friends.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Apr 2012, 1:45 am

Joker wrote:
spongy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ then i must be a turn off for hale_bopp, then i didn't have real friends for a long time and my current ones are female.

but I recall that hale doesn't have friends IRL either.

Weird, he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones!

This thread is annoying and full of BS judgement.

I mean, wtf, this is an Asperger forum, a lot of people have don't and can't make friends.


hale has also stated that she isnt actively looking for a relationship a few times.

This thread seems to be going down the personal attacks road and will probably end up locked if people dont change their attitude.
Its a shame because several members found the discussion interesting but if it keeps going this way its goiing to be locked.


It was a bit rude for The-Face-Of-Boo to say that but. I don't think that not having friends will kepp some one from having a relationship though.


I always counter passive rudeness with pure rudeness.



Joker
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10 Apr 2012, 1:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Joker wrote:
spongy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ then i must be a turn off for hale_bopp, then i didn't have real friends for a long time and my current ones are female.

but I recall that hale doesn't have friends IRL either.

Weird, he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones!

This thread is annoying and full of BS judgement.

I mean, wtf, this is an Asperger forum, a lot of people have don't and can't make friends.


hale has also stated that she isnt actively looking for a relationship a few times.

This thread seems to be going down the personal attacks road and will probably end up locked if people dont change their attitude.
Its a shame because several members found the discussion interesting but if it keeps going this way its goiing to be locked.


It was a bit rude for The-Face-Of-Boo to say that but. I don't think that not having friends will kepp some one from having a relationship though.


I always counter passive rudeness with pure rudeness.


Good point I concur.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Apr 2012, 1:51 am

spongy wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^^ then i must be a turn off for hale_bopp, then i didn't have real friends for a long time and my current ones are female.

but I recall that hale doesn't have friends IRL either.

Weird, he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones!

This thread is annoying and full of BS judgement.

I mean, wtf, this is an Asperger forum, a lot of people have don't and can't make friends.


hale has also stated that she isnt actively looking for a relationship a few times.
.


This is irrelevant.



Zinnel
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10 Apr 2012, 2:57 am

What I have gathered here is that not having friends will not keep you from having a relationship. However, what friends can provide is a way to balance out your own social demands so that your partner will not feel as if its all upon them.

I think its easy for alot of aspies to view someone with no friends as still capable of having a relationship, because alot of us can relate to the difficulty of making/keep such connections. But I think that much like many of the studies posted here can overlook some things it easy for some of us to forget how friendships can provide many benefits even if they're difficult to form.

While having friends may or may not affect your appeal to others, its good to know what benefits they can provide. I would suggest that for those who do not desire friendships that you look into the benefits presented by others and see if you have that in your life. If not then trying finding alternative ways to bring such benefits into your life.
But if your desire for friends is low simply because it is difficult I would strongly encourage to keep at it, because so far no one said anything about having friends being a bad thing.

unless of course they're all one gender apparently :scratch:
you mind explaining that one hale_bopp, I don't see how that would be a bad thing?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Apr 2012, 3:17 am

Zinnel wrote:
What I have gathered here is that not having friends will not keep you from having a relationship. However, what friends can provide is a way to balance out your own social demands so that your partner will not feel as if its all upon them.

I think its easy for alot of aspies to view someone with no friends as still capable of having a relationship, because alot of us can relate to the difficulty of making/keep such connections. But I think that much like many of the studies posted here can overlook some things it easy for some of us to forget how friendships can provide many benefits even if they're difficult to form.

While having friends may or may not affect your appeal to others, its good to know what benefits they can provide. I would suggest that for those who do not desire friendships that you look into the benefits presented by others and see if you have that in your life. If not then trying finding alternative ways to bring such benefits into your life.
But if your desire for friends is low simply because it is difficult I would strongly encourage to keep at it, because so far no one said anything about having friends being a bad thing.

unless of course they're all one gender apparently :scratch:
you mind explaining that one hale_bopp, I don't see how that would be a bad thing?


I don't think anyone is denying its benefits, and even most of the friendless desire/want friends.

Those who don't have friends just because they don't want to (extreme anti-social) are very very rare cases.



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10 Apr 2012, 3:46 am

hyperlexian wrote:
and... i don't have the time and energy to be someone's *everything*. i am not hyper-social, so if they needed me to be their companion for every single social event or situation (or their only emotional support) it would be extremely draining.


You're referring to a clingy person or someone who needs emotional support. That denotes the opposite exists too.

You do things together & you do things you normally do without one another. If the person needs friends, then they should have they own social support anyway. What about going to a church or family member for emotional support or a group or like here, they not classed as friends but you can offload your emotions.

& a companion is different to a friend. Like a Pet Bird.
& a acquaintances from work is not a friend & some people don't like mixing work, with private life.

If you rewind time to a farm & a wife? or maybe you can do that with a real farm today or how about a log cabin in the middle of no where.

Edit:- Love how many "may" & "could" "can" & love the "A friend can act as a role model." Guess depends on what friend you have. In the university study.

You get at what I am going at? Not everyone uses friend in the same way.

http://voices.yahoo.com/how-tell-differ ... tml?cat=41


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ValentineWiggin
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10 Apr 2012, 11:13 am

hyperlexian wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
...why? Curious.
if a person wants a relationship then they must want a friend. it's illogical to me for a person to say that they don't want friends yet want a romantic relationship, since one is encapsulated in the other.


Hm. Maybe they don't want friendship unless the person is a romantic partner?

I don't know. To me, the relationships seem fundamentally different.


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to his Interest."