Romantic loneliness in men

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Eventually, when I meet the right boy, a life partner in crime.. a reciprocating loving relationship in which we each bring one another up & enhance each others' being. I wasn't open to this while I was in a state where I felt I would be more of a hinderance than a positive addition to someone else' life. Now that I feel much more whole, balanced, happy, and like I have a lot to offer someone.. I'm ever more open to the possibility of it happening when it's right for both of us.

Over the years I've had a lot of hookups, and it's been fun, but now I'd rather spend my time at the beach or hanging out with friends, or seeing my God kids, or going kiteboarding etc than hookup for hookup's sake. Now if I'm going to bother with a hookup it'd better be pretty smokin' hot. Otherwise I'd rather just go to some gay parties and continue to meet friends of friends until perhaps eventually I meet someone I really click with. I've turned down many offers to date guys I wasn't really into, and the very few I've been interested in weren't interested in me in that way. Ah well, all in due time.

If I'm over this stupid cold by the weekend I have a tentative (rescheduled twice for various reasons) first date with a cute boy I'd like to meet. Whether this weekend or next or whenever, we'll go for drinks and see how we get on in real life. Never know.. we might just like each other. Or maybe not so much ?? and life goes on as it has. I'm in no particular rush and have no deadline or expiry date, but I do know that I eventually want more than what I have and see myself in a long term relationship when I happen to meet the right guy at the right time whenever that happens to be.

I guess I'll know it when I feel it. There have only been a few people in my life that've made me feel SO good, and I want that in a partner. Someone I'm attracted to, that I love, that makes me feel like I can do anything, and that I feel like I'd do anything for - all that sort of good stuff. In part I acknowledge that I'm not very self serving but tend to achieve goals when I'm working towards them for someone I love, so, I want to be with someone that drives and motivates me to accomplish my life's goals because of my love for them.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I just had a nice instance for a thought exercise on this today.

I sit with the internal audit team where I work and one of the girls is close to my age, I'm guessing she moved here from the Montreal QC area in the last few years. Cute kid, and it seems like we're getting along pretty decently. Although I'm not thinking about it at any deliberate level there's the more autonomic layer in me that was pushing me pretty hard down that road in my mind. So, I said okay - lets chew this one over.

What I'm considering is what my angle of approach would be if, in the next few years, I find myself in a situation where I am attracting someone who's of a good disposition and this would particularly ring true if my NT-act at work is working so well that she isn't seeing my oddities and just sees me as a really cool guy, even if a bit quiet. I'd be accepting of the attention, would invite her out and let her know subtly that up for trading wits (her being whoever it may be - particularly if it happened in the context of work) but I'd also straight away let her know that I think highly of her and accordingly I think it's worth warning her up front that that I'm a bit on the feral side with respect to the relationship world (I think feral is probably a good way of putting it - ie. not socially conditioned into the relationship scene and the automatic reflexes that most people pick up after a few longterm relationships). Where I'd go with that is that I'd like to just hang out for a while for starters to see how things go at that level, see if we gel, and go from there if it feels right. As an aspie though let me just clarify what I said a moment ago - there's the deadpan literal 'please have pity on me - I'm inexperienced', then there's gaming it with someone at their level the best you can while hinting that you're willing to work at it but that there's a complexity that needs to be considered - I really mean the later here.

I get that last bit might sound like a big Dave D'Angelo no-no, ie. you're supposed to boldly pass a preordained litmus test of your manliness otherwise they'll have no interest. I'm not the alpha swallow, probably shouldn't be procreating anyway, and at this point throwing myself in that zone of thinking just isn't worth it. Also I'm in my 30's and I'd be looking in that range; maturity's a bit better and I think the right kinds of information up front is likely appreciated. As for gambling with relationships I've got too much going for me single, enough to gain with the right person but too much to lose if I end up with the wrong person, so I really feel like I'm better off saying something rather than nothing and not worrying about whether or not I'm risking friend-zoning or whatever other piece you're usually supposed to think about. I really think it's considerate on that level to see if I can get to know someone outside of work or whatever formal social setting before figuring out if there's something to pursue.

I do not trust this guy if you were actually referring to David DeAngelo of DYD. His materials and methods really come across to me as that of a shill and non-compatible with spectrum-members. Guys on these forums who want more success with the ladies will have more success taking my advice for their specific situations rather than wasting their money trying to learn from some self-professed guru (why the hell am I even in these relationship-related threads so much lately anyway... I thought I was mainly here for topics that affect society at large in more of the big picture). Oups, need to go eat now, and also, I just wanted to let you know that you're amongst my most-respected of the community members here (was almost about to say as a moderator but I am not trying to show favortism of moderators, really, I just highly respect the thoroughness of your knowledge and research-background on many topics that I, too, have found of great interest, even for obscure topics like that of para-psychology).

The other thing I might add, particularly for those guys in their late teens or early 20's standing at the edge of the meat grinder and wondering if they have an adult obligation to throw themselves in for the sake of having a mate - my advice, seriously, don't do it. If you have to sell yourself out or seriously degrade who or what you are to make anything happen it's a sign that you're in a sick society and it's a much better thing to cherish yourself the way you inwardly feel that you should. Develop along that path and let everything else sort itself out.

I hope that doesn't sound cryptic or like a veiled complaint about women, really there's just a lot of rather perverse pressures (with respect to conformity) on guys and girls and it grieves me to the extent that it blunts the best of what people have in them.

I like to think the ideal relationship is an exchange between people, and that you have the right things in common along with the right differences.

It's wonderful when someone shows you new things. Sometimes I'm not always receptive to this right away, so I try to be mindful of that. It can feel hard to find someone with real passions/interests, but I think sometimes it's me who isn't so attuned to what they really care about, though I like to find out. It is rewarding to be let into someone's private world. The people without an active inner world I find hard to relate to.

Being single can be tough, but feeling alone in a relationship is so much worse. I wish I was better at social cues and the beginnings of relationships, because I have a lot of difficulty reading people at those stages and it's always years between any relationships or sexual experiences.

Mostly I just want a partner to go through life changes with and to learn with, but I think when you can be pretty routine-oriented and become intense with interests, it is hard for most people to deal with.

Actually, his materials will neither get you laid, nor into a relationship.
Completely garbage information that he's peddling.
The so-called testimonials are really just an early form of astro-turfing.
You are absolutely correct about younger guys needing to work on their own survival-skills.

Once a guy knows how to survive, even during economic-turbulence,
then he has developed a genuine sense of confidence.
I could not take short-cuts in my traditional martial arts training either.
Either I mastered the basics first or injure myself trying to do something too advanced.

I think I feel lonely, but not sure my brain fully processes it. It is kind of like the feeling of nostalgia, but might be getting it mixed up in general night time apprehension. I do know I should be focused more on it.