Very few women want Aspie men

Post Reply New Topic

Women get frightened of NT guys that are violent or have a vicious temper. .

I think it's because a lot of women think that autistic guys might get violent during meltdowns and we won't know how to handle it. Women get frightened of NT guys that are violent or have a vicious temper. Even some mothers have to put their autistic son into a home once they become teenagers, because the son's aggression can be too much during meltdowns (if the son gets aggressive, not all autistics get aggressive).

I thought I should elaborate on my 1st post in this thread about the being disabled thing. Lots of us Aspies tend to be behind our peers with things like independence. We have a harder time with employment & maintaining a household like chores & stuff. There are plenty of Aspies who don't struggle in those areas that much but there is that negative stereotype. Women have reservations about dating people with major disabilities because the women worry that they'll have to be the main or sole financial provider for the household & women generally make less than men(at least here in the US). Also women worry that they'll be expected to do most all the housework because they are women or because the disabled guy cant. Plus if the women become pregnant, some companies(at least here in the US) do not have good family, medical, & maternity leave policies. Unfortunately it's not that uncommon for some women to lose their jobs when they become pregnant. Some women get fired for needing to miss work for too long(I was fired from my last job due to company policy after being out two weeks for medical reasons) or their employers try to force em out by demanding the pregnant women do physically strenuous work. It would really s#ck for a woman to have to work long hours in order for her to support herself & her husband & she has to do all the housework when she gets home, & then she gets pregnant & loses her job & the health insurance the family had through her employer.

It doesn't seem surprising that he's going through a bitter divorce. From what I see on this forum & lots of other sites about Aspergers, there seems to be two extreme types of Aspie guys. The kind you have that canNOT accommodate anybody. They NEED EVERYTHING their way, when they want, how they want. All hell breaks lose when they have to accommodate someone else in their space. I have a very hard time understanding why those types got in a relationship in the 1st place. Sometimes it's for sex, to have a live-in maid, or because the Aspie is so f#cked-up mentally that he cannot handle being by himself. I also sometimes wonder if those types are really Aspies. Sometimes the person the Aspie got in a relationship with is assuming they have Aspergers when the Aspie may have something else like Narcissism for example. I'm NOT saying your doing that thou. It's really no surprise to me that those NTs would be bitter towards Aspies.

However there's Aspies on the other extreme. For example I'm an Aspie who LOVES spending a lot of time with my partner as well as being close & affectionate with her. I like sex but I only want sex with my partner & I'd much rather have her & no sex than sex with anyone else. When we moved in to our new apartment last November, my girlfriend decided where most everything went & how things were arranged. She gave me some choices & asked for my opinion some of the time & I was OK with that. I was happy not having to figure things out. Plus she has a lot more stuff than me. I do like things my way sometimes thou. Like I'm a very picky eater who cant really cook but I'm OK with leftovers or eating fast-food, or junk-food so I'm NOT expecting my girlfriend to cook every day or anything & I do wash most of the dishes when things get low. I do like knowing plans in advance which caused lots of fights/arguments cuz my girlfriend has to change plans a lot sometimes cuz of her various issues. However I think I've gotten a lot more accepting of changing plans & she tries harder to keep em. I do get annoyed or frustrated by various things sometimes but I learned to bite my tongue a lot so to speak. It's like the saying goes, "pick your battles". I feel like total cr@p for a long while after a bad fight whereas when I bite my tongue I usually feel better a few minutes later. There are also times when I know she's very annoyed by stuff that usually doesn't really involve me but Cass sometimes appears to take things out on me. She needs her space sometimes so I try to realize I should just leave the room & give her space instead of getting upset & snapping at her. My mom gripped a lot about me being demanding & stuff. I improved a lot in some ways during the 7 & half years I've been living with Cass instead of my parents. I needed to be in a different environment. Plus getting on the rite psych meds helps a lot too. My girlfriend has a brother on the spectrum who's kinda the other extreme I mentioned & she finds me a lot easier to live with. In some ways me & him are a lot alike but we're very different in some ways as well.

My brain is literally screaming.

"Love hurts."

Pepe xxoo Adding to my playlist right now. Life is complicated. I asked to see his phone knowing he is not honest and he asked to have several days to "clean it up" first. Why do I stay?

Pepe all wise and knowing....why? All of my friends and therapists tell me to leave. But I think this guy truly doesn't "get it". I really don't think he knows the "RULES" of a relationship and what is right and wrong. I could be way off here....but I would really like other Aspie guys to weigh in here.

Are you (general statement -don't jump down my thoat, yes, I know it's a spectrum, blah, blah, blah) that clueless in a relationship that you will lie for 10 months to your girlfriend who now lives with you that you are still talking to other women or looking at porn online or still have pictures of other women (including your ex wife or girlfriend) on your phone or who the hell knows what else? I mean he asked for several days to clean up his freaking phone....sigh!

I don't even know if he likes me.....I can't tell. How do you tell with an Aspie?

Previously I suggested you take advantage of the situation and find someone else.
"He had his chance and blew it."
I still think that was/is good advice.

If all your friends and therapists (you have more than one therapist? ) say move on, I suggest you do, but on *your* terms. Sigmund Pepe...

I thought I should elaborate on my 1st post in this thread about the being disabled thing. Lots of us Aspies tend to be behind our peers with things like independence. We have a harder time with employment & maintaining a household like chores & stuff. There are plenty of Aspies who don't struggle in those areas that much but there is that negative stereotype. Women have reservations about dating people with major disabilities because the women worry that they'll have to be the main or sole financial provider for the household & women generally make less than men(at least here in the US). Also women worry that they'll be expected to do most all the housework because they are women or because the disabled guy cant. Plus if the women become pregnant, some companies(at least here in the US) do not have good family, medical, & maternity leave policies. Unfortunately it's not that uncommon for some women to lose their jobs when they become pregnant. Some women get fired for needing to miss work for too long(I was fired from my last job due to company policy after being out two weeks for medical reasons) or their employers try to force em out by demanding the pregnant women do physically strenuous work. It would really s#ck for a woman to have to work long hours in order for her to support herself & her husband & she has to do all the housework when she gets home, & then she gets pregnant & loses her job & the health insurance the family had through her employer.

Sigmund Pepe LOL I am living day to day as I mentioned in another post to you. Day to freaking day. It could be that he is/was really messed up and seriously that clueless. I simply can't tell. And from reading other posts......I am starting to gain more insight into the Aspie mind......he may be that clueless that he didn't know/doesn't know what normal dating is. I mean do I even know at this point? I am f*ck*d up at this point....because of him. LOL Don't you just love being an Aspie and second guessing everything???? Why couldn't I have found a NT. That's easy. Talking, sex, talking, sex, talking, more sex, less talking, still sex. LOL

If he is clueless and never changes his behavior, do you still want to stay with him?

Whether he is clueless or knowingly behaving badly, either way he isn't making you happy.

The way I see it, you should seek a peaceful and happy existence for yourself, regardless of his intentions.

Just my two cents

Oh, I forgot you were an aspie also.

No, I don't like having to second guess people.

Oh, I took your comment literally.


If you are both aspies, I would have thought you two would have some degree of mutual insight.
I gather he hasn't researched autism to any great degree?

I think he is much better and understanding that he cannot be mean and rude because he apologizes and tries to be better. He is also not talking to other women anymore. And other stuff. Day to day Pepe. There is hope. And this is the path I am currently on : ) Now for me to go cheer other Aspies up who are having a bad day. xxoo