Red Flags

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I didn't assume you were; you mentioned people who use the royal we.

Anyways, I try to deal with dangerous people of a psychological nature.

-Benevolent Exploitation

As in - Someone with power or opportunity, offering the benefits of said power or opportunity, to someone in a vulnerable situation such as poverty famine or violence, to use as leverage to get what they want from said vulnerable individual, and framing it as though they are simply trying to "help" the vulnerable individual.

^ I was thinking that when a person doesn’t really know you that well supposed disinterested benevolence is a big red flag.

The problem is that when people are at their most vulnerable they tend not to see red flags. Their focus is more on basic survival.

Strange . . . some of these so-called "Red Flags" seem to describe normal behavior from innocent people just trying to get to know someone else better.

No, not the gaslighting, stalking, love-bombing, negging, and that kind of stuff; but the well-intentioned things that people attracted to someone simply does.

A potential red flag doesn’t automatically make a person undatable. It could be completely innocent. It is dependent on what their motives and other behaviors are like.

Some red flags are universal and some are more specific to what you want / need.

Something that’s a red flag for me might be a green flag for someone who wants something different.

Things like lying, not treating others with respect, etc, should be universal red flags.

Has kids or insists on having them

Can you please give examples of the ones that are normal?

Introducing one's self, giving compliments, asking for dates . . . that sort of thing.

And dog forbid that someone doing those things should actually smile at the person being spoken to.

Honest love-bombing is a red flag about the person's level of inhibitions.

Dishonest love-bombing is a red flag about a person's intentions.

The former might indicator potential for problems due to lack of inhibition and emotional intensity, meanwhile the latter is intentional manipulation and already counts as wrong-doing that person has inflicted.

If only it was easier to tell the uninhibited weirdos from the monsters.

Other genuine red flags:

• Damages something of yours, hides the evidence, and never tells you about it.

• Turns their mistakes around to somehow become your fault.

• Brings up your past mistakes again just to make sure you know your place.

• Utters a negative judgement against you just before they close the door or hang up on you -- ye olde "Parting Shot".

Where have each of those specific things been mentioned in this thread?

As has been mentioned, displaying a red flag is not necessarily a huge cause for concern. it depends on other behavior and the intention behind it.

What’s a genuine red flag to me may not be one to you. There’s nothing wrong with that.

#1 - Yeah, like stealing and killing your dog.

#2 - Classic gaslighter / NPD / sociopath things (and regular idiots too)

#3 - "" ""

#4 - Can't say I've experienced that although my exh did rip a handful of my hair out when he tried to enter my house and I pushed the door shut to keep him out.

Are we not allowed to include real-life experiences in this thread?

Ok I am confused, what’s going on?