Asexual Aspies

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i am the technical defineition of being asexual aspie in my own way not the Define it way Defineition of Mansterbating something rubing against you like your undies for example

I used to think I was "nothing", my word for asexual.
I have had relationships and I really wanted to please the other person, but my needs overrode this. So our relationships ended with me thinking I was some kind of freak, something was really wrong in my head.
It's very nice to know there are people like me.
I would, however would like to share my life with a special someone, whom I could hug and kiss a bit. That's what I like. It's more emotional than anything else. I've never met anyone that would do this, my boyfriends were really preoccupied with sex. They were also disloyal in the end because of how I am.
So I am wary now.

OMG, I'm almost exactly like that...Except I've had fewer relationships than you. And I'm a guy...

GA

If your boyfriends were that way, you didn't need them anyway.

Awww, you lot are so nice

Absolutely yes. I hope you find your mate and you and he/she are full of bliss and peace.

I'm definitely not asexual, although sometimes i wish i was...

a few other interesting issues raised here tho, esp re gender identity...

my best friend is a transsexual woman, and her (male, at least outwardly, tho he has some gender identity issues as well) partner is almost completely asexual... they have a relationship that completely suits both of them at the moment, because she can't (yet) physically have sex as a woman until she has her operation, but it doesn't frustrate him because penetrative sex is something he just isn't interested in... he has at least some AS traits IMO, altho she doesn't think he is AS... he has genius level maths abilities tho, and is just about as unable to tell whether another person is attracted to him as me... they are actually a really cute, huggy and happy couple...

i did develop a sexuality relatively late (about 16), and this seems to run in my family (my brother, who is 16 now, and NT tho IMO he, like my dad, has a few aspie traits too, hasn't developed one that i can tell). as my intellectual development was very early (i peaked intellectually around 10-12), i did spend a few years being asexual but intellectually adult, and gaining a sexuality was very odd... in some ways it felt as if i was regressing intellectually...

interestingly, the men in the family of the person i talked about above have historically been asexual throughout most of their 20s, and developed a (usually straight) sexuality around 28-30... i have heard that late development of sexuality (much later than physical puberty) is fairly common among both females and males in the autistic spectrum...

Serissa - what you said above, particularly about seeing yourself as/wishing you were "non-corporeal", rings a very strong bell with me... i have a theory (arising from conversations with my transsexual friend) that i, and possibly many/most people with AS, don't actually have either a male or female gender identity, but am "neutral" in that respect, neither happy nor unhappy with my body, and that the reason for this is that part of AS is a kind of dissociation from/inability to identify oneself with one's body, thus not having any physically based identity...

i'm probably going to post another thread at some point about AS and gender identity, once i have worked out how to express that so it's a bit clearer...

Interesting. I've never had a gender identity either (though I'm not asexual). I know at least one aspie for sure who's the same way. I think it has to do with being oblivious to cultural conditioning. So much of what we call gender identity is just cultural mores.

Well depends on your definition of asexual. My sex drive is much less than normal. It is hardly a controlling factor in romance, so it is hardly the determining factor in relationships. I'm still a virgin and don't plan to have sex until I am married.

My current GF is much the same way, so things are going well with her. She hasn't seriously "wanted any" beyond the occasional whim, and neither have I. We both a little touch sensitive, and just the fact that we hug each other, and rub each other's sholders, not even to mention the occasional kiss, makes us extremely close.

Sure, I long for the day when we will be together forever, but it's more than just the sexual aspect, but the romantic aspect. I long to have someone there for me every day, who knows me like I am part of them. This is far more important than sex, even if I desire sex.

I guess that's saying that sex isn't the biggest thing on my agenda when it comes to love and romance. In my book it is not even the strongest form of intamacy. (Although I do think it becomes a required part of the whole equation when things reach a certain point.)

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Well depends on your definition of asexual. My sex drive is much less than normal. It is hardly a controlling factor in romance, so it is hardly the determining factor in relationships. I'm still a virgin and don't plan to have sex until I am married.

My current GF is much the same way, so things are going well with her. She hasn't seriously "wanted any" beyond the occasional whim, and neither have I. We both a little touch sensitive, and just the fact that we hug each other, and rub each other's sholders, not even to mention the occasional kiss, makes us extremely close.

Sure, I long for the day when we will be together forever, but it's more than just the sexual aspect, but the romantic aspect. I long to have someone there for me every day, who knows me like I am part of them. This is far more important than sex, even if I desire sex.

I guess that's saying that sex isn't the biggest thing on my agenda when it comes to love and romance. In my book it is not even the strongest form of intamacy. (Although I do think it becomes a required part of the whole equation when things reach a certain point.)[/quote]

For me, all that you said is so right on except for the kissing and sexual contact. I want some one who knows me and we are close in multiple ways such as wonderful companions and part of me as you stated. You expressed this so well. I enjoyed reading your response.

I think there is a definite correlation with aspergers and what people commonly mistake as asexuality or confused sexuality. I heard that there was a higher incidence of homosexuality in aspergians too. I don't think aspergers people have a low sex drive by nature but instead find it extremely difficult to find someone they are physically attracted to. I have pondered this quite often. I am almost asexual in that I find very few people physically attractive. This doesn't mean that I cannot appreciate the physical beauty or handsomeness of another man/woman, just I don't get the stirring inside and down there.

I don't think that most aspergic people like sex for sexual gratification unless they are physically attracted to that other person. I can't understand how people can initiate and enjoy sex with someone they don't find attractive in a sexual way... But you often find people doing exactly that. I have tried having sex with people I don't have a physical attraction to and it just doesn't work. To me, sexual excitment is more mental than physical. Therefore it is tantamount to any sexual activity that the partner fits within your category of attractiveness.

If you are still with me on this... How many of you believe you are asexual, and is this purely because you have never seen anyone you would like sex with? Believe me, I thought this way but when I found out what my ideal type of partner was I realised how narrow my choice was. I am very happy now and because my partners are more mature/older than me so I benefit in that way too.

There is a much higher rate of sexual deviance (not mean wrong, meaning deviation from the norm) in Aspies than in NTs...
Meaning all sorts, Homosexuality, Bi, Asexual, Trans, etc...

GA

I am the exact opposite of an asexual aspie. I've liked 6 different girls at some point or another from third grade to now, when I am about to start 9th grade. When I liked someone, I would have dirty thoughts about them. These thoughts were serious in third grade since I was literally obsessed with this girl and didn't hide it at all (the worst I ever did was sneak up behind her at recess and kiss her), but as I learned the hard way how to socially interact appropriately in the past few years, I've been able to lessen the intensity of these thoughts and keep them to myself. I still haven't had a girl who's liked me, but by keeping my mouth shut about my feelings, I can make sure I don't blow my chances with anyone I want. I'm ready and willing to start a relationsip slowly, but as soon as she wants to get an extra base hit, I'll have been looking forward to it for a long time

I was and maybe still asexual, I did not have any interest sexually in anybody from age 14 to 21. I did not mind the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life during the period. My interests and goals of becoming a great scholar or scientist I saw were more important being relationships.

If had any relationships with the opposite sex (almost never) they were purely platonic.

Oh, this is me!
I have now entered my first relationship in 6 years and am so scared. I don't want it to go the way the others have. I feel love as the emotion but rarely show it. So doing as other couples do and having sex and other stuff is beyond me. I did do that kind of thing before and regretted it, I never want to do that again, not ever.
I hope my bf understands this and won't pressure me. This is for the long haul. I can't change my mind. I think I'm hardwired this way.
I want to have fun and go on adventures with my bf. I believe we can have the time of our lives together.

:: feels overwhelming emotion of love ::


I'm not going anywhere.

GA