Met a Guy

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About the whole sex thing, I'd wait until I'd be comfortable with the guy before doing anything more than kissing. If you don't want to have sex that want should be respected.

Actually I'm planning on waiting till I'm married. So if he wants me, he's going to have to deal with that.

Yes I agree. Though it should also be respected if someone does not want to be with someone who does not want to have sex. I would not be with someone who wanted to wait for more than a week or so. Generally I hear people insist that there is something wrong with not wanting to be with someone who is waiting for marriage, or doesn't want to have sex for other reasons. It seems to be what people are indicating here, that there is something wrong with people wanting to have sex with someone early on. I do not think the issue of sex should *ever* be forced on someone, but then I do not think people should be criticised for only being interested in sleeping with someone, or not wanting to wait for sex. People should just be honest about things, that's all.

Alcohol, as every one knows, lowers your inhibitions. I think most people would say it makes you more honest. More prone to do what you want but normally to shy to. I kinda force contact, hand shaking and giving hugs, pats on the back etc when I'm sober. When I'm drunk i revert to what I want and thats to keep my distance and my personal space. So I think it's probably opposite for a NT when drunk.

If he was drunk and just giving you a hug and wanting to dance it seems innocent enough. I can think of a lot worse, and have seen a lot worse, actions from drunk men directed at women.

I wouldnt see any harm in a more formal date-like encounter.

It was the curiosity, I already said it.

I never criticised him, but the OP made it clear she is a good girl. The first thing he does after being told that, is to feed her alcohol and then touch her up? that's a clear lack of respect. I would never touch someone even if i was drunk, unless i had already learnt from them while they were sober that they'd appreciate it.


It does indeed, and from what is described, i see a very self-interested, uncaring man being described by the OP.


Seeing as how most aspies struggle with facial expressions, what people really mean and how people are taken literally at word value, i think a formal date-like encounter would be useless. It just gives him a chance to create a false image of himself.

We call them sluts.

I'm sorry but I will not be taken advantage of. If that makes me NT because I want to protect myself, I guess I found a cure. My mother had always told me since my early teens I should wait. In fact she used to tell me I should wait till I'm married and gave me the reason why. But I decided on my own to have it before marriage. People divorce all the time just like boyfriends and girlfriends.
I will not be an object. Besides there are people who wait till marriage to have sex, is that crap? Some people are willing to wait that long to have it because that is how much they care about their partner. I even have an HFA friend online who doesn't believe in sex outside of marriage so he will not have it till he is married he says.


Like my mother has told me in my teens if a guy takes me out and he wanted sex and I refused to have it and he doesn't go out with me again, then sex was all he was after and he didn't care about me. Heck lot of men took her out when she was young and they wouldn't take her out again because she refused sex. There was even a guy that followed her into her home and he tried to get her to have sex with him so she took out her checkbook and wrote him a check paying him back for her meal and gave it to him telling him to get out. He never took her out again. She wouldn't want to go out with him again anyway.


If someone wants to have sex on their first date or their fifth, they can go right ahead, I just give women advice is all so they won't get hurt. Doesn't mean they have to follow it.

Six months? My ex wanted to wait 5 years--ridiculous! When she mentioned that, she and I had already been together for three years. In other words, 8 years total.

I just say let it happen.

Hugging and holding hands and dancing is very normal for NTs who just meet and isn't always something sexual - I've met completely heterosexual women (I'm one!) who have done that just after meeting me (which I don't like, I'm just like you in that respect). Some people are simply more touchy than others. Did you tell him you were uncomfortable with too much physical contact? If not, he may not have read your signals well if he was a little bit squiffy. Be careful about being too harsh on judging this poor fellow - not being AS, he will probably naturally touch more! Of course, if you ask him not to and he continually does, intentionally, then that's pretty unacceptable. I often have that situation: men think I'm being coy or something, and think I'm challenging them to get me to dance, or to touch me more, or... I don't know, it doesn't make sense to me.

Sadly, it's becoming less and less "normal" not to sleep with people soon after initiating any kind of relationship - even casual dating. Only do what is comfortable to you - if you want to wait until marriage, then wait! There is nothing wrong with that. If this guy really likes you, then he will want to see you again and spend time with you. Obviously, protect yourself, but I think the best approach is to give him the benefit of the doubt until he does something deliberately to disrespect your wishes.

Yep, that's what I was thinking. Liquid courage. It seems likely that he does like you, if he talked to you and showed interest in you. What type of interest is what makes the dating game more like Russian Roulette. You sound like you have a firm grasp of who you are so meet up with him again--in a non-alcoholic enviromnent.

I hope I can, but the thing is, on Facebook, someone tagged him on a picture "The Pimp"....and he's always going to happy hour and meeting all these different girls and there are pictures on his profile hugging all these girls, and I just don't want to be ANOTHER girl...you know?

It doesn't matter what we guys think of all this.

What only matters, is what you think of this. Period.

I don't know how much more evidence you need before you decide this guy isn't worth your time.

Well I do not think there is anything wrong with only caring about sex. Also there is nothing wrong with being a slut.




I meant, the reason for your curiosity.





Sure wait if you want, just be upfront about it first. I would be annoyed if I put time into being with someone who wanted to wait six months. Also I do not see anything wrong with divorce... If someone doesn't work out, why stay with them?



How is having sex making you an object?



Well I would find it crap if I went out with someone who wanted to wait... and I'd break up with them. I'd never hassle them about it though, I would just say it is not what I want to do and that I want to find someone else who prefers my way. Also waiting for sex doesn't mean you care about your partner more. It depends on the person. I would find the opposite. How is your HFA friend's opinion relevant? n=1 and all that. I could name you dozens of people I know who don't want to wait (or haven't), it means nothing. The only opinion that matters is your own and the opinion of the person you might want to have a relationship with.



What is wrong with only being after sex? If they are upfront about it, I see no problem with this.



Sure, if you do not want to have sex with someone don't do it. I just don't think you should be implying that people who are just interested in sex are uncaring and "pigs" or "sluts".



Sure. Me too.

I feel like an object if I have to force myself to have it just so the guy be happy and it feels like he needs to use me to screw to be happy. I don't understand it one bit why people need sex.





When I gave out the six month wait advice, you said it was the stuff NT do all the time you hate and I was offended when you said NTs do it acting like it's an NT thing than a personal thing. So I used my HFA friend as an example showing people on the spectrum do that stuff too.





Well do they want to be with the woman or are they just after her vagina and they don't really care about her feelings or her? I learned it from experiance. When I told my ex I didn't want it till september because it was too hot out (I can't stand sticky skin and the heat because it's torture and I did tell him that) he went right to his computer and leaving me alone. No wonder he was with me all along, he was waiting for sex and when he found out he won't get it for a while due to the heat, he went right to his computer seeing no point being with me if he won't get what he was always waiting for even though we had it nine times already and then it got too hot out. It got real hot in Montana. I also get upset when people call it a mind game I played. My parents and my buddies say he was a jerk for what he did to me. See why I would make a guy wait now? I learned my lesson there. When I met my new bf, I didn't have sex because I felt it was too soon so I didn't have it even though I wanted too. My ex was asexual but he was open to have it but didn't want it all the time. But sadly he was narrow minded and ignorant and didn't accept my childish interests and he acted like I was ret*d so it didn't work out between us and now I am with my current bf. He did wait six months. By then I had lost my interest in having sex but I promised him sex for that month so I gave it to him. It would feel like a lie if I decided to not have it because I didn't feel like having it. I told him I was going to have it so I did.




If that's all they took the woman out for than just taking her out to know her and learn about what she is into or what are her interests, just seems wrong. Like my mother told me, there are men that will take women out for sex only and not care about the woman. They didn't take her out just because they were interested in being their boyfriend and wanting to get to know her more before they get into a relationship, they took her out so they can screw after the date and I bet they do get pissed when the woman doesn't want it after he drops her off at her place or she isn't interested in coming to his place after the date. So it's like they wasted their money on her. No wonder my mother would write this a guy check for her meal he paid. I think she mostly did it to get him out of her home and it worked. the guy didn't have to feel jipped anymore and feel he wasted his money on her.