Disapproval from women you haven't asked out

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I've not had this happen to me since I was in high school. I think that was mostly down to the fact that I got bullied by the guys and in turn, the girls wouldn't want to be seen dead with me, otherwise their reputation might get damaged .

It used to really hurt and has left a long-lasting effect on my self-esteem. But I've had plenty of girlfriends since I left high school and if a girl(s) was to do this to me in the street now, I think I'd probably laugh.

It's usually a certain type that do that kind of thing, I've been friends with a few of them (obviously fleeting friendships!). They're actually extremely insecure about their own appearance. It honestly is just that. The logic behind it is that it makes them feel a lot better about how they look. By asserting the notion that they are worthy of putting another person down for their appearance, it's almost as if that must mean the girl doing so is attractive.

I don't know if it contradicts what I've just said, but there is an old Yiddish "proverb".. "If someone calls you a donkey, punch him in the face. If a second person calls you a donkey, call him a jerk. If a third person calls you a donkey, it might be time to start looking for a saddle."

Sometimes, we can be unaware that something we are doing is annoying to others, or rude, or whatever else.. But, personally, I don't think that the above statement can really be used when it comes to whether the opposite sex finds a person attractive or not. There are going to be hundreds if not thousands of women in the world who find me utterly repulsive. There are also going to be hundreds, if not thousands, of women who find me very attractive. It's just the way of the world isn't it?

One person is never going to be attractive to EVERYONE. But that doesn't mean they're not attractive at all!

i had a friend (and i guess i still do although it has been a few years since i spoke to him) that was not good looking at all.

he was rather smart and could elucidate his experience of being ugly adequately.

he told me that he had problems with obeying social norms because women were so unkind to him.

he said that when he was in an elevator, and he got to his floor, he waited for the girls to get out even if he was in front of them.

he said they responded with anxiety and said that they did not mind if he exited the elevator before them.
he said that they did not want to have him walking behind them, and they rathered that he go first so as to be able to see what his movements would be without looking back.

he said that he thought they imagined he was a person with a "sick mind", and they avoided him by running off as soon as they could.

he said this comment to me:

"if a good looking man opens a door for a lady to go through, he is thought of as a gentleman of merit. but if an ugly man opens a door for a lady , then his only motive is to demand a thankyou and sex as a repayment".

he said it well, but he is the type of person that would demand a "thankyou" and a repayment of attraction, so i do not agree with his way of life.
he is very annoyed that i think he is inferior of heart to the girls he adores.

girls are girls,
and boys are boys,
and sometimes the twain do meet.

toys to destroy, or ploys to employ,
is the decision in the mind that's sweet.
======
(different rhythm):


i can live with being rejected,
if it's "rejects" that reject me.

i am me more completely me,
than the rejected things they "see".

give and be respected,
even if it's not expected,

by the minds that can not search your soul,
because they think that you can't be.....
valid. what a salad.
how pallid is the view that they can see?

i have had 3 drinks tonight (encouraged (but i have left their company and i came home)) so please do not assess my post as a clear headed rendition from me.

Now that I have to agree with, despite him apparently being the type who WOULD expect a thankyou and some reciprocation with regards to attraction..

I've pointed out to girl-friends before that, if a guy checks them out, they only seem to call him a "perv" - or another derogatory term - if he's unattractive to them. There does seem to be an element of bias, at least amongst quite a few of the girls I've spoken to, with regards to how they view a man's actions.

Personally, I'd have to be pretty desperate to expect something by holding a door open for a woman... I hold the door open for anyone, regardless of gender, doesn't even cross my mind that maybe one day a girl will suddenly spin on her heels, proclaiming her undying love for me... find that to be a tad ridiculous.

Then agen, that's just me, just speaking for myself. Couldn't tell you if every bloke's intentions were that way inclined.

Sounds just like common, run-of-the-mill, bullying. Just another person with low self-esteem putting someone else down to show off to thier friends & make themselves feel better. These women should be called out like any bully & shown for being the asses they are.

On a side note, women tend to be VERY defensive about thier sexuality. If an unattractive man shows interest in them, they take it as the utmost insult & will often turn him down in the harshest of ways. Again, this is nothing more than a display of low self-esteem & insecurity.

First off -- loved the Jewish proverb, it was pretty funny (and maybe true).

I know for a fact guys do this as well, though most are smart enough to do it out of earshot of the person they are talking about, and not around other women. If you do this in front of other women, their opinion of you will fall like a stone, and they will also get very insecure about themselves. But yeah, we've probably all done it -- "hey, look at that fat chick! That's your next girlfriend!" Etc.


For women to do it within earshot -- they must be trying to bolster each others confidence. It's pretty immature behavior, unless they are drunk at a bar. I'd be surprised to see any woman older than like maybe 24 do it, because the older women get, the more they look past this (height and looks) and focus more on other factors. Their value also starts dropping precipitously after age 30, so I can't see older women doing stuff like that which would sour their chances with anyone, even someone who on the surface seems unattractive.

And after all, there's someone for everyone, and not everyone is compatible. Sucks to be the guy being made fun of, but we've probably all been there, and maybe the girls just were bored and couldn't think of anything to say. I doubt that everyone in on the joke even agreed -- they were probably going along to stay with the mood of the group.

Oh I forgot. I'm from Texas so we eat a lot of Mexican food down here. Not everyone may have that kind of diet.