Everyone expects me to marry my aspie friend

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Yeah that's what I'm hoping that's all it is. He's never asked me out on a date date which is a pretty good sign...I still fear he will though. He is also understanding of the fact that I've become more reclusive and more personal about my space. Still it is just creepy the way that he's always trying to look out for me and such. He came to visit me twice while I was working at Disney World...now he's seems obsessed with the idea of us going to Disney World again as a vacation...eh...I guess I brought this on myself. Now all I can hope for is to slowly wean him off me. Ugh it's quite creepy. Twice I've had nightmares about him trying to stalk or rape me even though he's far from the type to do so. I guess that's why I'm so paranoid.



Yes, I do have high standards but with good reason. I started out with low standards...and I mean REALLY low standards back in high school with very unpleasant results. In essence my past experiences with low standard men has turned me into a selfish b*tch with men in a way but that is just how I roll. How ironic that most girls usually tend to start off on the high end and go down from there.

Can't you politely shrug him off? =/ If he insists, well you have my vote for using any other underhanded methods .

It it's creeping you out and other crap, making you have nightmares and what not, then you really should tell him how you feel so he can stay abit more away from you.
Seriously, already getting nightmares? Not a good sign. You should be honest with him, so he dosnt get his hopes to high up (if he does have high hopes)

Holy crap! It happened again!

I had this dream yesterday where I'm with my aspie friend and his family and we all ended up in high stress situation. I think we we're going grocery shopping at night for some reason and the car we're all in breaks down or something. And then somewhere in the dream my friend puts his arm around my waist (which terrifies me cause I would never let him even hug me) so I yell at him "Don't Touch Me!!" So what does he do next? He tries to kiss me but it was so forced to making me terrified!

Ugh, I swear I'm gonna need therapy after having that dream!

I could state that honesty is the best policy but you dont seem to want to confront him about this, which is a shame. Why have further dreams or stuff weighing on your conscience when a blunt discussion bout your beliefs about his intentions and your non interest in such endeavours would fix the problem. He may react badly but christ least he wont have to bother trying anymore and it would be better in the long run for both of ya honestly..

Wow it seems like all these aspie girls have aspie guy friends but are all afraid of them. Stop the nonsense just tell him u dont like it. Stop him from wasting his time with you. Who cares if you hurt his feelings, you dont want him to prepare to ask u on a date then find out then do you?...U need to tell him. Ask him if he likes you first of all, because u dont know. If he does then tell him u have no romantic interest in him. That way he can save his interest in and love for a girl who is interested, and you'll get a sense of relief.

She doesn't need to do anything cos he hasn't asked her out. So, he doesn't like her in that way anyway.

I expect you to marry your aspie friend.

Sounds like he has a crush on you, but that's his problem. I really dislike it when guys pretend to be your friend with the soul purpose of wanting to go out with you (so do most girls, hence the 'friend's zone').

I'm not sure if avoiding contact will stop him creeping you out; it may make things worse.

The best solution I can think of is to mention that you've found a long-distance boyfriend... it's not the most honest solution, but it'll certainly clear things up one way or another- be prepared for a bad reaction though.

He creeps you out, talking about when you guys getting married? Two can play that game! Sprinkle your conversation with mention of how like a brother he is to you and what a good friend he is and how he'll always be a good friend... If he still crushes after you, it's most definitely not your fault and you should not feel guilty that you are leading him on.

Try not to lose him completely though; he genuinely does sound like a good friend and you need to be really clear that you do value him, just not in that particular way.

*ninja edit* just checking, if he were to find a girlfriend, what would your genuine reaction be? I know you've said you do not fancy him at all, but as another poster said, maybe you feel he is holding you back from other people; he himself is not the problem. Familiarity breeds contempt, but if he gets a girlfriend, the time he spends with you will probably be severly curtailed; how would you feel about him if you did not see him as often as you do now?

So do i!

We're all gonna be VIP guests.....right? =D




But no seriously, like haily said.

Be honest with your friend so it wont escalate later on.....But since this thread was dead, and it was just a dream, i guess your friend just likes you as a friend....
But seriously? Being abit more Rational, how can you be in a relationship with someone who is dead horrified by a simple thing such as being touched or hugged anyway?
It should be clear as crystal to the guy that there wont ever be a relationship beyond friendship.


Besides, never heard of a relationship in my whole life where the partners did not hug each other,, so. wont happen i guess

EDIT:

Lene brings up a good point, maybe not about how you would feel about him, but more like, if you could make him fall for someone else (stupid to do something like this yeah i know), it could maybe save your own skin?

Thanks, but someone else suggested this before me . I was more wondering if the OP might actually regret it if he finds a new gf...

eh...I dunno what to do think about that. I would be incredibly relieved if he would finally look into other girls but he hasnt in years because he hadnt gotten over his last girlfriend dumping him to become a lesbian.

Now he's talking about how he has a thing for girls that meet my profile. Long hair and the like and it's creepy. What's worst aside from given me the nickname "Miss Mary" which is a little more on the affectionate-creepy side...he will not stop making compliments about my freckles or my looks. (I'll talk about how I gained too many freckles and he'll keep saying how I always have the right amount or talks about how nice my hair looks.) It's really creepy and I tell him this but he thinks I'm being humurous about it. He keeps promising to stop making compliments about my freckles but he still does it.

I could be just loosing my head on this. He did say in the past that he was becoming a bit attached to me. I cant seem to distinguish between romantic attachment and friendly attachment due to both of us having Asperger's. It's true, I do fear other guys with Asperger's and my other male friends who have AS did try to romantically pursue me. So this is why I am so paranoid.

Plus the nightmares and past experiences of being stalked by desperate guys who try to friend me does not ease such paranoias. I would rather just tell him that he is seriously creeping me out with those compliments and needs to stop. That would be a start.

Well, in that case, just tell him straight out. Don't get angry, but just be matter-of-fact about it. Try not to be so paranoid; you may be pretty and a nice person, but that doesn't mean all the guys you meet will fancy you. You have aspergers, so why not use the social blindness to your advantage and stop trying to read into it; just presume all guys are platonic friends unless the words 'will you go out with me?' are uttered.

One thing though, usually when girls go on about 'how awful' their hair/freckles/left toe looks, they're just fishing for compliments, and the required response from the other person is 'no, you look so cute/sexy/gorgeous...'. I'm not saying that that's what you were doing, but your friend may have learnt from experience that 'yeah, they're kinda weird looking...' often results in a slap (joke btw; nothing wrong with freckles). If you want a brilliant example of compliment fishing, watch 'Mean Girls'; the bit where they're all posing in front of the mirror and going on about their shoulder blades is hilarious .

1. I'm not looking for guys to fancy me!

2. I always presume that my male friendships are platonic until they screw me over by trying to get me to make out with them or trying to go through my underwear drawer (which one male friend almost attempted to do)

3. I am not fishing for compliments. When I talk to my friend about my freckles I am just asking a general question as to whether or not I've gained more freckles on my face. If I wanted compliments I wouldnt be so creeped out or uncomfortable about his compliments as I am.

I've just lost the ability to trust any guy for any purpose.

And I hated Mean Girls.

Im gonna flip this round for a second since nobody else has. But maybe subconsciely your assuming he fancies you because deep down thats how you feel about him?

If your so convinced he wants to go out with you, why not ask him out, go on a date, act as if you haven't known for as long as you have and then you might see him in a different light or would realise he'd be a suitable boyfriend.

It sounds as if he really cares for you and would in actual fact be a suitable partner and another case of someone not giving a nice guy a chance (that is of course if he wants one). If your so convinced he fancies you then it also means by not confronting him about it your basically stringing him along.

^ Sigh So...we're going around this block are we? That's sounds like male aspie wishful thinking to me. Not falling for that one. Sorry But I just can't throw myself into the trap that is the nice guy effect. I prefer just to be alone instead of having another guy friend pull that nice guy stunt on me for the 1000000th time.