Don't Become This Guy

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Space
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06 Aug 2009, 11:00 pm

You know, I saw some comments about this story by people suggesting that George Sodini may have suffered from asperger syndrome. His pictures all showed the rigid facial expression, awkwardness, etc... he was in IT... and he had all these youtube videos where he speaks in a monotone voice, and seems desperate for approval. He had books on his coffee table about understanding body language and women... I think there may be something to this theory.

LePetitPrince
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07 Aug 2009, 4:54 am

so what to do to avoid becoming this guy?

KenM
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07 Aug 2009, 5:24 am

Does anyone else think that if just another couple of women accually gave him a shot and got to know him that he would not have snapped? I know how constant rejection feels. Its horrable. This does not excuse what he did however. There is no excuse for that.

I'm thinking maybe undaignosed AS? Maybe thats another reason why he was frustrated. He did not know he had it and that was driving him crazy on why people treated him like that. I know when I found out I had it I was relaived becasue it explained alot to me.

Last edited by KenM on 07 Aug 2009, 3:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Janissy
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07 Aug 2009, 7:08 am

KenM wrote:

Does anyone else think that if just another couple of women accually gave him a shot and got to know him that he would not have snapped? I know how constant rejection feels. Its horrable. This does not excuse what he did however. The is no excuse for that.

I'm thinking maybe undaignosed AS? Maybe thats another reason why he was frustrated. He did not know he had it and that was driving him crazy on why people treated him like that. I know when I found out I had it I was relaived becasue it explained alot to me.

I think that if a couple of women had given him a shot and got to know him, he STILL would have snapped. Because this rage was very deep seated and any woman who got to know him would have inevitably encountered it and run the other way as fast as she could. On paper, this guy looked good. On paper (photos old and recent) he looked handsome back in the day and not bad for his age now. He had a decent job, therefore money. He hit the gym with regularity and took care of himself, therefore no fitness or hygeine issues. He had to have been giving off one heck of a bad vibe to override all those positives. And I suspect, based on his actions, that the bad vibe he was giving off was something along the lines of "if you go out with me, the date will end with you chained in my closet until you either die or the neighbors call the police, whichever comes first". Ok, that's hyperbole. But he still must have been giving off "get near me at your own peril" vibes. Some reckless fixer-upper women (per the "broken men" thread) might still have given him a shot but I get the feeling he didn't give THEM a shot- since his focus was entirely on hot, young gym babes. And Ms. Fixer-Upper women and hot, young, gym babes tend to be two separate groups. But let's say he found a hot, young gym babe with daddy issues who nevertheless wanted to rehab a scary middle aged man as a project. Unless she was willing to commit to this project for life, she would have to break up with him at some point. And then the rampage would have happened anyway. Although he probably would have killed her specifically first at the start of the rampage.

I think it's very telling that there is no bemoaning the "friend zone" in his diary. That tells me that the bad vibe he was giving off was of such intensity that it didn't even allow for friendship.

I think a diagnosis, whether of AS or even anything, really, would have helped. A label doesn't fix things but it does, as you noted, give some perspective.

ManErg
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07 Aug 2009, 7:26 am

Space wrote:

I think that all these things mentioned are symptoms of a bigger issue, and that is that technology and modern life have made people very indifferent and callous to the wellbeing of others, and lacking any social cohesion. Technology allows people to ignore everyone around them, and people are so in fear of the unknown that they don't want to risk getting to know someone new, especially someone isolated and probably needy. Ergo, guys like this can easily fall through the cracks of society, all the while maintaining a job and an illusion of content middle class life.

Space, I agree SO much with what you say here! These incidents are the dark 'down side' of the competitive individualism we are brought up with. If winning in rugged competition is all there is, some of us will always have 'less' of whatever is being quantified to judge status.

Again, this is not too sympathise with someone who lost all humanity years, maybe decades ago. But to try to understand the process that leads to this happening - and prevent it happening again. This sort of thing does not just happen 'anywhere', 'at random'. It is a feature of individualistic, overly competitive societies.

And there must be *millions* maintaining an "illusion of content middle class life"! It says a lot about the essential gentleness and co-operative nature of human beings that this kind of incident isn't happening every day in every town. I believe that the evolutionary strength of humans is less competition and more co-operation. Individually we are a weak species, most of us couldn't survive alone - physically and, equally importantly, psychology.

Space wrote:

Anyone seen the movie "Falling Down" ? It's got some similarities to this guy's story. At any rate, there are reasons why guys like this exist, and why they didn't 30, 40, 50 years ago. Somehow I don't think there were guys in the 50's 60's 70's blowing up like this for the same reasons.

Yes, such a good film! It's not so much that I *like* that film, it is too disturbing in many ways to be 'entertaining'. But I do find it very powerful. I could go on about the U.S. being a nation born of violence. Genocidal violence against the people indiginous to the entire American continent. Violence breeds violence and all those hundreds of years of overwhelming greed and violence *has* to still be sloshing around in the system somewhere today.

Back to the awful incident - I wonder if the "Bullying" big brother aspect will get as much attention as it deserves? This could be much more about loss of self-esteem through being bullied than having AS. After all, he seems to have had normal social skills, and did go on dates. The impression I get is that he was rejecting *them*, that nobody could come up to his high expectations.

I'd hope that it could drive society to become less tolerant of bullies ("hey, it's just natural evolution that the bullies win out at the expense of the weak, right?). I wonder how the big brother feels right now? Remorse? Or figuring out how much money he can make for selling his life story?

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Last edited by ManErg on 07 Aug 2009, 7:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

ManErg
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07 Aug 2009, 7:38 am

Janissy wrote:

On paper, this guy looked good. On paper (photos old and recent) he looked handsome back in the day and not bad for his age now. He had a decent job, therefore money.

I think he looks plain and ordinary. Totally nondescript. I suspect he wanted to boost his conceited sense of status by acquiring somebody way out of his league.

Janissy wrote:

And I suspect, based on his actions, that the bad vibe he was giving off was something along the lines of "if you go out with me, the date will end with you chained in my closet until you either die or the neighbors call the police, whichever comes first".

Hmmm... but the nutcases who *do* that *don't* seem to give off that vibe!! ! (thinking of Ted Bundy etc etc etc) They invariably appear totally charming!

I believe there is SO much that goes awry in non-verbal communication, between NT's too. The problemn is, we rarely verify our hunches, so assume we got it right through our "instincts". There are millions, both male and female, who got rejected based on a 'hunch' when there was amlost surely nothing wrong there at all. And so many times our 'intuition' leads us to the *wrong* person!! Really, arranged relationships work better than using our so-called 'instincts'. (I say 'so-called' as we barely have any real instincts left by the time our culture has finished smashing them down and replacing them with 'education')

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Janissy
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07 Aug 2009, 8:08 am

ManErg wrote:

Janissy wrote:

Sociopaths don't give off that vibe. But not every killer is a sociopath. Some dangerous men are just exactly like this guy- giving off a bad vibe that warns other people away. Ted Bundy succesfully conned women into helping him because his sociopathic qualities allowed him to broadcast exactly the vibe that was of his choosing. As I remember, the vibe he chose was "wounded bird". He put his arm in a fake sling and convinced women to help him carry his books. He seemed so harmless, with his arm in a sling and all. But this guy doesn't seem like a sociopath- insofar as he seems to have zero control over how others percieve him.

I don't think this guy is an advertisement for the potential wrongness of hunches. It looks like he routinely got rejected based on a hunch (and not relegated to the friend zone, either, he was rejected globally). And that hunch was 100% correct. If women avoided him based on a hunch that they were unsafe around him, they were RIGHT! So I wouldn't be holding him up as an example of why people should go against their hunches. Had any woman gone against her hunch (perhaps a Ms. Fixer Upper, repairer of "broken men") she might simply have been the first to die.

r1x
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07 Aug 2009, 8:29 am

Auspergers is not an excuse to be a jerk or be violent. It's not an excuse to creep people out (intentionaly) or to obsess with people or things you can't have. Being AS is not an excuse to covet or be lazy.

I get it. You don't hang out with people because it's hard. It takes work for AS guys to be social. It's like doing math with a pen while watching TV on a rollercoster in a hurricane. It will never be simple.

I get it. It's not that you don't like people, it's that they attack you for no logical reason.

I get it, it's awkward and requires total concentration not to interupt other people.

I get it, no matter what you do, you will be punished for being yourself. Do you think this will change if you get into a relationship?

What's ret*d is how many people want things they don't deserve or won't put effort into, and then blame the world. That's got nothing to do with Auspergers, that's got to do with simple freaking bullsh*t sense of entitlement. IT IS HARD FOR ALMOST ALL GUYS TO INTRODUCE THEMSELVES TO WOMEN. THIS IS NOT EXCLUSIVE TO AS.

WTF. There are plenty of short, fat, bald men who are pefectly NT and don't get dates, because they want they want thin women in thier 20s. Ask any 25 year old girl on Match.com. 90 percent of thier "hits" are from 40-60 year olds men who say they are "young at heart". Old guys like young women because older women are wise to thier Bull***t. But they don't go blasting caps in people.

I have AS and I have no trouble getting dates anymore BECAUSE I PUT THE WORK IN TO PRACTICE BEING NORMAL AND I DIDN"T FEEL ENTITLED TO ANY ONE WOMAN. It took YEARS to figure out. Tones of rejection and heart break and humiliation. Thier are MILLIONS of women in the world, and each one of them has a vigina, don't dwell on one that doesn't like you. That being said, each one of those women has hopes and dreams and feelings, and are therefore unique and shoud be treated with care. And for the same reason, you should not drag out something that isn't going to work. REJECTION DOES NOT MOVE YOU BACKWARD, IT MOVES YOU TO THE NEXT TARGET. Each rejection inoculates you from the pain of the next rejection.

Be lonely or put the work in. Your lonely because your too lazy or two chicken to put in the work it takes to pretend to be normal long enough to date. Your lonly because you feel entitled. You refuse to change or endure the rejection over and over again untill you get it right. Babe Ruth held the record for the most strike outs and the most home runs at the same time. You will never get a home run if you don't bat. And getting angry at women or God or nature is not going to change anything.

Oh, by the way, NT Fat chicks don't run around blasting holes in people because they get rejected. It's harder for some people to maintain thier wieght than others. But there are thousands of women on MATCH.com who wonder why they can't find a man...because they don't want to put the work and discipline in to be...gasp...proportianal size. AS males are the equivelent of Fat Chicks...If you realy want companionship, work at it.

If you think being lonely virgin sucks, try being devorced, or having a child with full blown autism, or an alchoholic spouse, or someone who cheats on you then threatens to take the kids from you if you say anything. Or paying 75% of your income in alamony to a woman who left you.

90 percent of the freeking world is freeking miserable. Welcome to Earth.

MountZion
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07 Aug 2009, 8:50 am

r1x wrote:

I like you

. You put a lot of things about my life into perspective. And I agree. At some point, although we are sensitive and criticism & rejection get to us and diminish our confidence, it still remains something that we must work hard to get over. And if we do not do this, then we will have the same problems. I address my own faults and try not to complain, because it doesn't get me anywhere, and it doesn't get me any sympathy either. So I have to suck it up and "be a man". Take life in the sack. lol.

r1x
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07 Aug 2009, 9:52 am

Yea, life sucks if your socialy awkward. It makes some things harder. But it also gives you abilities that other people don't have. I have participated in more history making events than I can count. Time and time again, as a forward deployed Military Intellegence, my AS helped saved peoples lives. They called me the wolf for a while. One time I snapped at a new officer, and he started to chew me out. My commander came in and said "don't screw with the wolf, he's a bit feral, and he works better when he's not in a cage". Then it dawned on me. All the best support soldiers, and most of the best line soldiers, were socialy awkward. Auspies have increadable ability to handle stress, think rapidly, compartment emotions, applie creativity and make things happen where there was no rule book.

Auspies are wolves, NT's are dogs. Auspies are feral, NT's are social. Your lack of fitting in is not because you are weak or inferior, it's because your brain didn't get the "group hug" memo in the womb. So freaking what. Work through it.

YOUR POWERS HAVE SIDE EFFECTS-THAT ALONE DOESN'T MAKE YOU LESSER (BETA) DOMESTIC HUMAN, IT MAKES YOU A FERAL HUMAN. You have a purpose in life that is beyond what they can comprehend. Almost every great invention, new technique, great work of art or music, comes from feral humans. Domestic Humans, mundanes muggles that they are, simple exist to breed and fix dinner, chat about aunt suzy and do the silly social things that feed the economy. DON"T FEEL BAD IF YOU CAN"T RELATE TO THESE OXYGEN THIEVES.

Your lack of motivation is caused by years of domestic humans trying to get you to fit in, instead of realizing your true potential. You are bored because you were designed to handle more stress than most humans. You don't fit in with girls, because quit frankly, MOST OF THEM ARE DOMESTIC AND BORING!! !! ! Until you grasp your true potential, you will not attract the interesting ones anyway. Every pack or herd animal has some members that were borne to stay in the center of the pack, and those that are borne to stay on the outside and warn of enemies or find food. So volenteer at the local fire department, become a paramedic, write software, make comic books, go to medical school, do something you were designed to do.

And YOUR NOT A COWARD BECAUSE YOU DIDN"T LET KIDS TEASE YOU INTO DOING SOMETHING STUPID. Our lack of sense of peer pressure, one of our greatest gifts, prevents us from doing stupid things just because someone teases us (usualy). That is not the same thing as cowardice. Don't let your fears rule your life. If you are afraid of hights go skydiving, if you are afraid of water go scuba diving. Attack your fears or they will rule you. You were geneticly designed to protect the human race and move it forward.

And most of all.. you are uncomfortable in a cage or on a leash. Deal with it. Your not disfuctional, you simply havent' fully embraced your true nature.

billsmithglendale
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07 Aug 2009, 10:12 am

Space wrote:

Agreed -- this was what motivated me to post the story. His comments and thought processes, plus his issues with people (like being too truthful) pegged him as AS immediately in my mind. Thus my warning here -- watch out for what can happen if negative thought processes and self-image go too far unchecked.

r1x -- Great comments above in several posts by you -- I'm pretty much in total agreement.

Alraune144
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07 Aug 2009, 10:55 am

I was rather disappointed, all that time and planning and so few dead, I don't get it...I do feel for the guy, he ran out of fuel and took some people to hell with him was all...I don't believe in tragedies, so many people alive on this planet who cares if some of them die, people can be replaced.

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deadeyexx
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07 Aug 2009, 12:31 pm

I'd like to know more about this guy, & what major events caused him to become a prisioner of his own doubt. He took rejection WAY to seriously. Every time it happens, it's only helps you. You are now free to stop obsessing over a particular girl, & can move on with certianty.

He just couldn't realize how good he had it. A lot of people would kill to have a good job, few responsabilities, & as much travel & interaction he got. Yet all he could focus on was his shortcomings. What a waste.

billsmithglendale
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07 Aug 2009, 12:54 pm

deadeyexx wrote:

He just couldn't realize how good he had it. A lot of people would kill to have a good job, few responsabilities, & as much travel & interaction he got. Yet all he could focus on was his shortcomings. What a waste.

So true -- yet another case of "Spoiled Westerner" disease. He should have visited a third world country in his travels, instead of just staying in the U.S. After meeting a bunch of people who work for pennies 14 hours a day, 7 days a week, and scraping to afford living in a shack and buying some meager meal, he might have better appreciation for what we have here. We truly are living at the top of the pyramid.

Spokane_Girl

07 Aug 2009, 1:21 pm

He reminds me of a member here. I just hope he won't go that far.

MikeH106
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07 Aug 2009, 1:50 pm

Not me, I hope!

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