misfit24_7 wrote:
Hi,
Long story short - we have been married 10 years. From the beginning I felt alone in the marriage - tried to make this relationship work. During this time, there were periods where he would emotionally abanded me, periods of emotional abuse and physical abuse(pushing and shoving during heated arguements). I eventually fell out of love with him. It took me a long time, but I was able to make myself happy again, accept the marriage is over, emotionally prepared myself to be ready to move on. Recently he had an awakening and realized how wrong he was, realized the emotional pain he caused me. He has declared his love for me was always there and went on to tell me his deepest feelings for me. I never knew how much in love in he was with me. He has said things to me that he never mentioned before. He apologized for not saying these things sooner.
He is trying so hard to make me fall in love with him again. He has been the best ever these past 3 months. He is trying to do everything to please me. I just can't feel love for him. He now wants to go away for the weekend. He thinks if we have alone time we might be able to work things out. I guess I should mention we have 3 children, ages 3 - 9. He is constantly "in my face" about this. I think it is driving me further away. I tried to tell him to stop, it's not working, but he continues. It is tearing me up inside to see him hurting this bad. I don't want to hurt him. I guess the best thing for all of us would be to fall in love with him, I just can't find it in me to do so. Why? I don't know what to do.
Advice please. Thanks
Carol
All an act.
You don't feel love for this abuser, then he probably doesn't feel it either. It sounds like he's lonely and desperate. Maybe he doesn't even know what love is.
Even the worst abusers will profess their love to you. Don't fall for it. The kids will be better off.
If they need a father figure, perhaps try finding a man who is more family oriented, or the big brothers program or some kind of mentoring program for the kids.
This man does not sound like a good man.
If you fall back in love with this guy, he'll go right back to his old ways, and the abuse will escalate. I know from watching documentaries, to reading countless articles on the subject, to stories from friends, to my aunt, with a PHD, who specializes in protecting women and children from abuse.
29 Apr 2010, 1:49 pm
