I don't get where I'm supposed to meet people

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idk, online's working fine for me.
them being 500 miles away isn't a necessity you know, lol.

mostly myspace though. i don't actively try to date on there. but i add a ton of people from the area that look like people i'd like to get to know better. plus my friends and family of course. then let things take their natural course. either the girls i add get curious and ask about my add to get convos started. or one of their friends might see me in their friends list and take an interest.

i've found it's a cool way to passively put myself out there. i've gotten some attractive offers (both in terms or a relationship and otherwise lol). like from people who live a mere few miles from my residence. i've met some cool girls. it's just sorta annoying when jail-bait comes after me though.
and at this point after some experimenting with my responses and such and testing to see what i can do and where i could possibly take things. i've deduced that a majority of most chicks who've added me lately either want my nuts or want a relationship. it's amusing being the one who doesn't have to try for once. every now and again i get an add from someone who just wants to be friends or is from WP who just wants to get to know me better and have someone to relate to outiside the website itself. but thus far, my theory's checked out in majority cases.

it's not a straight up dating site. but it's convenient for meeting people.
it's not a real life social venue, but you can certainly get people interested there first, give them a taste of your personality, then try to move it to one.

but that's just in my experience.i don't have a car yet. so while i'm meeting with alot of success potential, no transportation is a huge setback and i'm still floundering somewhat in that area.

Exactly! Not to mention many of us (myself included) get sound overload easily so cannot hear a word that anyone says over the roar of a crowd.

The concept makes sense, and yet, the fact that it happens so much just boggles my mind...

When I go out, it's to get s**t done... grocery store is for getting one's dinner, etc. The five minutes I'm standing in the checkout isn't enough time to evaluate someone's entire personality... Sure if I'm bored enough I might engage in some pointless banter, but only to pass the time (since whipping out a laptop, my traditional cure for boredom, in a grocery store is unwieldy and people think you're trying to steal credit card numbers)... but in any case, no dice there...

What really does work in my experience is when a woman is in a group activity type of deal that I am also involved in... the many repeated meetings give me the time I need to get to know her, and an attraction may even develop...

But on the other hand, the woman I pass in the grocery store might as well not exist, as I often forget about those women just as quickly as I see them. One time I did a little experiment in a grocery store: When I saw a woman, I set the alarm on my cell phone for 15 minutes from that point. When that alarm had gone off, I had by that point left the store and was on my drive home... not only had I forgotten about seeing said woman, I didn't even remember what she looked like even trying to recall... and if I can't even remember what she looks like on a random encounter, I wouldn't put much stock into using such random encounters to set up relationships...


I'll agree here, though...

See, this is true. I hear all the time about people going grocery shopping and leaving with a date. What? How does that happen? Then about guys "cruising the mall to pick up chicks".... how does that even work? Ack.

And that's why I don't go to bars to look for people because that's all I think I'd get from a bar, like a one night stand or something. I'd be terrible for a one night stand. I wouldn't even know what I was doing and that's not what I'm looking for.

I wish it was possible to quote multiple posts at once, so I hope people can still follow me even when I can't. Guy who said about the 500 miles and the necessity. It's not a necessity. It's just incredibly likely given where I live. I don't WANT them to be far away. I WANT them to be right here which is why I don't want to do anything online (that, and I think it's really creepy... I've had people from other countries freaking propose to me).

There are books for socially naive people, that explain , step by step, how confident people start conversations with each other in bookstores, in the park, waiting for a bus etc, the appropriate things to say, and how they develop that into keeping in touch. "rules of the game", "the natural art" "teach yourself flirting"

How does this work? It works by not seeing chit chat in a checkout line as pointless banter but rather a way to get to know other people better. It works by not seeing grocery shopping and all other errands as only errands but rather as an opportunity to meet people.

You live in a very small town with no clubs or groups for you to join and no car to go elsewhere. The only way you are going to meet people is by talking to them wherever they are. You don't go looking for a date. You go looking to meet the people in your town and getting to know them better. Dilbert is absolutely right. NT people do this all the time (I am NT so I know that he is right- until I re3ad it in Dilbert's post I didn't realize it was some sort of obscure secret). You are surrounded by people. You do not have to go to a special meeting place to meet them. You need to do a paradigm shift and start seeing everything that you do as a chance to meet people and get to know them. And those women at work? They have sons and brothers and single friends. If you make friends with them, you get invited to their picnics and other social gatherings where people meet.

You live in a small town so you need to make the unique quality of a small town work for you. In a small town, everybody knows everybody. Use this to your advantage. Meet any people. They are all interconnected. The more people you chit chat with and get to know, the higher your odds go of invitations to social gatherings or tips on things going on around town that you might not have known about. People talk about 6 degrees of separation but in a small town you are likely 1 or 2 degrees of separation from every single man who lives there. The more people you know (including women, including the elderly), the more chances you have for meeting these men in casual situations where you can get to know them.

Last edited by Janissy on 15 Sep 2009, 7:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've read a couple of books like that and I still can't put them into practice because it's boring. Unless there's something contextually relevant to talk about, there's no point in talking, IMO.

The point in talking is to get to know a person. If you see talking as purely a way to exchange information about a topic, you are shutting yourself out of social interaction.

Maybe try to get a part-time job or volunteer at the local library.

I understand that small-town librarians have earned quite a reputation.

Think of what men are interested in. Then go to that sort of thing. Volunteering for the local cat rescue group is not going to put you in touch with men.
If you have to go to the nearest city, you'll have to figure out a way to do that.

ROFLMAO. True. I do TNR for ferals and am at the SPCA a lot. All the volunteers are male (and we're talking shelters with >50 employees). Plus, I get to see a bunch of other folks who bring in cats - and they're all women.

A waitress at Hooters!! ! Perfect!! !

Actually, if you are out in the country, don't they have barn dances, hoe downs and square dances? That should be titillating.

Right, but if I don't know something about the person already that makes me interested in them, I don't have any interest in getting to know them "just because". That's why there has to be some kind of context or shared interest or something that is already known.

Precisely; this has always been my argument (unless the person in question is a guy who's attracted my eye, of course...which rarely happens, anyway).

Where's a "thumbs up" smiley when you need one?

that last part wasn't taalking about me was it?
live in montana or something? i'd understand there not being much choice in a place like that. rollings empty hills everywhere. beautiful in a way. but devoid of human life and populated by tumbleweeds for the most part.

look, the thing is we can't always get what we want. if the area you're in shows no signs of promise, it might be time to try a different one. it's not a huge deal. there just simply might not be anything for you RIGHT there lol. it's not going to kill you to scope out surrounding cities. however it might broaden your horizons.

and flirting is all about making bold moves and taking chances. basically signs of interest. a lingering gaze and a smile at passerbys is more passive. but they can get the idea. if there's a smile or other positive response back it's a usually green light.

a more active way is to totally make up some fake excuse (or if you're good at quick improvisational thinking on the go, you might be able to spot a passable real excuse) to talk to them and introduce yourself. it's got to be a little obvious so they sorta know what's up, but not so obvious that it's distasteful.

and that's just some more casual examples. there's also some of the more daring physical methods too.
just like there's other casual methods i haven't listed.

idk if i've helped any