FerrariMike_40 wrote:
The problem is, guys are usually the ones that are supposed to make the first move and with this girl I can't do it, not even say the first word. Last year, I didn't fall for one girl in particular and because of that, I really had no problem making small talk and jokes with a lot of the "hot"/"popular" girls at my school and did great at it. This year has been different though.
The expected American stereotype is men make the first move. You have also expressed an ability to communicate with the opposite sex. So in the realization of this, you're ahead of the game.
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We're both introverts, so going up to her and saying "what's up?" is not going to work. She's not the type to do that to in the first place - although I get the sense that she gets along with everyone, I've only seen her talk to this one girl who I actually knew in kindergarten and remembered me after 11 years of not seeing each other. Her friend is very nice to me and takes to the quiet and calm softness I give off, so I figured I do have one thing going for me.
You *have* to go and say whats up. Justify it anyway you can (e.g. what do I have to lose? What if I lose her? What if I just wait and she never approaches me?) but make the first move. It doesn't have to be verbal contact, it can be a note, a text message, or acting through an intermediary.
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I'm only in 1 class with her but other than that, I see her in the hallways 3 or 4 times a day, walking her classes alone. Sometimes I'm with a friend and it's easy to ignore her, but a lot of the time we'll pass right by each other with me looking straight forward but not at her. Today we passed each other, going opposite directions, and she got pretty close to me and I just didn't know what to do so I just kept walking forward.
You're shy, she's shy. Soooo many missed opportunities! Ask yourself, what are you waiting for? For her to make the first move? She's not only up against the same shyness that you have but societal norms ask her to wait for you!
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I feel very trapped and almost scared when this happens, scared of her thinking I'm invading her or creeping her out. And like I said, it happens 3 or 4 times a day. I asked my sister if I should take different routes so I don't see her, and she said no, that she would notice if I was avoiding her, and it's normal to see the same people on your campus routes several times a day.
Lets say you do creep her out by talking to her. She'll let you know. You'll notice her body language AND she'll say something to get out of there.
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I'd ask my friends for advice, but most of the conversation with my friends at school is either about football or video games, and when we do talk about girls it's very general and not about real feelings, like I have for this girl. So if anyone here, guys or girls, that are shy and have really liked another shy person - I would really, really appreciate hearing from.
First, since you see her so much - make eye contact. A couple of seconds MAX otherwise it turns to a predatory stare (unless you like that kind of relationship and she has piercings, tatts, etc.).
Second, steel yourself up to say "hi" every now and then. After once or twice, ask her what her name is, but give yours first. If you're lucky, she'll laugh and say I know you already and you're good.
Third...
05 Oct 2009, 8:42 am
