I think I know what my problem really is...

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If you think negatively like that about every cute girl you sit beside, then in all likelihood you'd miss a few. If things really are that bad, I guess it helps to think of things in terms of little steps. Having a random chat with a girl in a comfortable setting generally isn't a giant leap out of said girl's comfort zone and its motivation could be easily construed as innocent. In fact, it is still in a sense innocent, because you don't have to stay interested in her. Then asking her for her number to go out for coffee one day and talk about things, if she seems comfortable with you, is another little step. The less big a deal you make things and the less you hesitate the more respectable you'll look if the girl for some reason really doesn't like you from the start.

Are you *sure* you have AS?

From a guy's perspective, then: what real-life "clues" should a female look for from a male (i.e., to differentiate "I'm just being nice/polite/friendly" from genuine interest)? What clues might a female offer a guy (in real life)?

What clues did the pretty coffee-shop blonde toss at you, for example?

I have AS, absolutely. It is a spectrum disorder so everyone is affected to a greater or lesser degree.

I actually *like* to socialize. I'm almost always out and about and almost never at home. But I don't know *how* to socialize. And also my brain just *can't* do chitchat. I can hold a conversation as long as there's something to talk about. I'm a great conversationalist actually, but I need a topic! And of course I get terrible anxiety in new situations, which includes meeting new people.

What clues you ask? She kept looking at me, whispering something to her friend (talking about me), and did the hair twirl every time I got close. My friend is 45 and a little overweight so they weren't talking about him. Actually that's just the superficial stuff. Body language and subtle facial expressions told me more but I can't describe that here.

Yes I can read people just fine. But they can't read me AT ALL (hey a weirdo!! !!), and also I don't know how to socialize with strangers.

Eh...I repetitively play with stands of hair on the left side of my head when I'm reading or thinking about something or stressed out; I've done this while riding in the car with my dad (I was really agitated about something that afternoon), and it annoyed him to no end.

I suspect that's not what you're referring to..? If not, what *is* this hair-twirling that you're talking about?


And, I repeat (sorry to be a nuisance):



I'm serious.

Well I can speculate based on what I've seen.

Why don't I ask some of my female friends and I'll post it here?

Erm, sure, I guess. How will you explain your inquisition? "Just asking around for the weirdo alien girls I know..."

The simplest answer is any guy that's uncomfortable around you, but remains around you even though getting out of there would make the uncomfortable feeling go away...

As for what women could do to help guys, well, not expecting guys to make all the moves would be a good start...

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!! ! I've spent the past hour trying to come up with a plausible reason for asking this. I'm drawing a blank. I think I'll go with a vague: this friend of mine needs help.

Ahh. Well, in that case, there aren't any. It's probably a good thing that I've pretty much given up.

I didn't say anything about *helping* guys, dammit!
I want to know what it is that "normal" girls do that lets guys know that they're interested. I haven't the faintest.

You want a short list? Ok.

hair flip/twist (Dilbert was right about that)- shaking the head so that the hair moves or putting fingers in her hair

leaning in

hand on forearm for just a second (this is only after their has been conversation for awhile)

body language mirroring- he turns this way, she turns the same way, he moves his arm, she moves her arm. It's subconscious so it doesn't look like the mime-looks-at-a-mirror thing you might imagine

eye contact, if really interested, the pupils dilate (not under conscious control, clearly)

verbal mirroring- he talks fast: she talks fast, he talks low: she talks low, he makes jokes: she makes jokes

OMFG, I can't pull off this stuff and have it look normal or convincing! Good grief.

...and now I've realized that the old farts at the gym HAVE been hitting on me, as I'd been worriedly suspecting - especially as you've listed "hand on forearm" as a flirting technique. EEEEWWWWW! Some of them are wont to clap a hand on my arm or shoulder when saying hello or goodbye, etc. WAAAAAAHHHH!

Oh, ffs, why can't it ever be someone young and cute?! *Sobs*

^ I have one word for you... okay two words: stun gun. (Next time they touch you.)

You weren't exaggerating about your little town. Good grief. The young the fit and the attractive people are the norm at the gyms in my area.

Yeah, well - unfortunately, I need my stupid "job."

Erm...of course they are, silly! Young, fit, and attractive people can often be found in major urban areas.