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Dealbreakers discovery phase sooner or l8r?

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Maggiedoll
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04 Oct 2009, 3:05 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
Actually the difference was a lot bigger than two years. The guy in question is 30 and would only date people within 4 years of either side of 30. So the highest he was willing to go was 34 and the lowest was 26. So the actual difference was 6 years.

Right, but just two years outside of the range he was planning on. Being two years older, in your mid-thirties, doesn't really change anything about yourself, though. Not by age alone, anyway. There might be particular periods where you learn and mature a lot, but without taking any particular life experiences into account, it'd be fairly difficult to tell the difference between a 34-year-old and a 36-year-old. I think that by 30, limiting prospects to within four years of one's own age is kinda a narrow way to go anyway.. When you're a kid, maturation is largely biological, your brain is developing and stuff. By 20 or 25, maturity becomes more about experience than chronology. Since guys are traditionally older in a relationship, I guess it makes some sense.. my point was just that an adult being outside a particular age bracket by two years doesn't necessarily mean much to anybody who isn't taking a census.

I agree with what Mak said, though.



Janissy
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04 Oct 2009, 3:13 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
Actually the difference was a lot bigger than two years. The guy in question is 30 and would only date people within 4 years of either side of 30. So the highest he was willing to go was 34 and the lowest was 26. So the actual difference was 6 years.

Right, but just two years outside of the range he was planning on. Being two years older, in your mid-thirties, doesn't really change anything about yourself, though. Not by age alone, anyway. There might be particular periods where you learn and mature a lot, but without taking any particular life experiences into account, it'd be fairly difficult to tell the difference between a 34-year-old and a 36-year-old. I think that by 30, limiting prospects to within four years of one's own age is kinda a narrow way to go anyway.. When you're a kid, maturation is largely biological, your brain is developing and stuff. By 20 or 25, maturity becomes more about experience than chronology. Since guys are traditionally older in a relationship, I guess it makes some sense.. my point was just that an adult being outside a particular age bracket by two years doesn't necessarily mean much to anybody who isn't taking a census.

I agree with what Mak said, though.


It changes things if he is looking for a woman to eventually have kids with. There isn't a meaningful maturity difference between a 34 and 36 year old. But there is a fertility difference. The 36 year old woman is that much closer to the end of her fertility. Maybe he doesn't want to get involved with a woman whose biological clock runs out just a few years after he meets her.



Homer_Bob
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04 Oct 2009, 6:07 pm

Learning deal breakers right away is the way I want to go. That way I can't get myself into a relationship that's a disaster. I certainly have my deal breakers and I will observe potiential partners extremely carefully before consideration and I'd have to know the girl very well too.



Shebakoby
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04 Oct 2009, 6:25 pm

Janissy wrote:
Maggiedoll wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
Actually the difference was a lot bigger than two years. The guy in question is 30 and would only date people within 4 years of either side of 30. So the highest he was willing to go was 34 and the lowest was 26. So the actual difference was 6 years.

Right, but just two years outside of the range he was planning on. Being two years older, in your mid-thirties, doesn't really change anything about yourself, though. Not by age alone, anyway. There might be particular periods where you learn and mature a lot, but without taking any particular life experiences into account, it'd be fairly difficult to tell the difference between a 34-year-old and a 36-year-old. I think that by 30, limiting prospects to within four years of one's own age is kinda a narrow way to go anyway.. When you're a kid, maturation is largely biological, your brain is developing and stuff. By 20 or 25, maturity becomes more about experience than chronology. Since guys are traditionally older in a relationship, I guess it makes some sense.. my point was just that an adult being outside a particular age bracket by two years doesn't necessarily mean much to anybody who isn't taking a census.

I agree with what Mak said, though.


It changes things if he is looking for a woman to eventually have kids with. There isn't a meaningful maturity difference between a 34 and 36 year old. But there is a fertility difference. The 36 year old woman is that much closer to the end of her fertility. Maybe he doesn't want to get involved with a woman whose biological clock runs out just a few years after he meets her.


Actually funny thing about this, the guy has had a vasectomy. So that is not an issue.



Maggiedoll
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04 Oct 2009, 9:16 pm

Janissy wrote:
It changes things if he is looking for a woman to eventually have kids with. There isn't a meaningful maturity difference between a 34 and 36 year old. But there is a fertility difference. The 36 year old woman is that much closer to the end of her fertility. Maybe he doesn't want to get involved with a woman whose biological clock runs out just a few years after he meets her.

That is true.. it's also not something that tends to occur to me because I haven't wanted to have my own kids ever since I first learned that having kids was optional.
But in that case, wouldn't it be more the having kids issue that would be the deal-breaker than the age itself?