Does woman taking initiative scare the man?

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You mean, you'd actually force a guy to have to read you, come over, & think of something interesting to say? Why must you make things so hard? You'll give the poor guy stage fright putting him on the spot like that.

Just be direct.

The best thign with guys like this is to actually get to know them first... a guy is less likely to think you have a hidden agenda if he knows you when you ask him out...

It will vary from one individual to the next. There isn't really a hard and fast rule anymore like there used to be (which is the expired rule your family is referring to) and in the absence of set rules, there is only individual preference. But you honestly have nothing to lose. It is certainly worth a try. Probably your best bet is to keep up that sort of banter you described with the many buying Axe. I do that sort of banter almost constantly when out in public- it isn't considered forward and it isn't considered a come on. (I'm married- it CAN'T be a come on.) It's the sort of chit chat that is the bane of Aspies but which lays the groundwork for the sort of relaxed conversation that sometimes leads to "would you like to go for coffee?" And you already know how to do it so have at it.

But try not to think of it as a failure if the banter goes nowehere. 99% of the time it's not supposed to go anywhere. It's just something people do to be sociable. I feel so bad for Aspies here beating themselves up when banter doesn't turn into a date request. It usually isn't supposed to. But if you practice doing it when you are out in public, then it flows naturally when you are with somebody you really want to get to know "that way". It segues easily into "cup of coffee?" without akward "did I break a rule?" feelings. Try to banter not just with men you are attracted to but with all sorts and ages of people of both genders. You don't have to be Chatty Cathy but a quip in line here and there keeps the conversational gears oiled so you won't sound "rusty" when you talk to the man you are attracted to.

Who the f**k teaches that?

"Remember daughter, never make the first move. Ever. It's bad. Only bad girls make the first move. Do not make the first move on a guy."

I would not force a man to do anything. I said that it was from my experience of asking men out and being rejected. I suggest if men want people ask directly that they accept them when they do.


If someone likes you they will approach you if you smile at them and make eye contact. I read it in a leil lowndes book and tried it and it works.

I think lack of eye contact and failure to smile is a big problem for aspies in dating and is easily rectified.

If you want to go up and chat to him, I think that is fine but just make sure you look him in the eyes and smile!

(prolonged eyecontact sets off peoples brain chemicals leading to arousal)

Back in the day, nearly all mothers taught their daughters that. It was standard procedure until very recently. Now only the more traditional moms still teach it but it's still out there in the culture.

Lots of people, apparently.

Hell, speaking of out-of-date rules, my mother was never allowed to go to school dances. Even though she got asked to the Senior Prom, she was not allowed to go.

I just found it odd the guy was clearly buying the Axe for attraction purposes, and there's a person standing right there that's female...

My goodness! That's pretty conservative. She probably felt like she was being very modern and forward thinking to tone it way down and merely advise you not to make the first move. It sounds like you come from a long line of socially conservative people so it would actually be surprising if they didn't teach you this. But that rule has expired and it's ok now.

In fact it works so well that when I made eyecontact and smiled at my boyfriend on our first date he spontaneously kissed me, and he was very shy and nervous of women.

Mom still thinks it will scare men away, though. Or it will scare away the /right/ kind of man.

and on the flipside, I wonder how many boys were taught to avoid women that were forward (the inference being that forward women were the 'loose' type). You KNOW it had to have happened.

I know him online. Very little in person. Eventually I hope to change that, but I will proceed very slowly and carefully when the timing is better so as not to spook the man any more than I may have already.

I really recomend you read some of Leil lowndes books as they cover all the dating 'secrets', they really helped me see where things went wrong for me (and right). They have useful tips for friends and interviews parties and stuff too.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss?url=s ... il+lowndes

There is nothing wrong with a lady asking a man out. If the male is scared of this situation, he's not the kind of guy you'd want to date or have a relationship with.

Seriously, what kind of guy gets 'scared' or automatically 'rejects' someone for taking the initiative? Do you *really* want to be with a guy like that?

Ask away.

When I went to the Mormon church a few years back, I had a really cute NT girl ask me to a church dance. I accepted.

No, it doesn't.

This is an excuse-myth said by so many women in order to not initiate themselves.

I really know no man who would be 'scared' of this, unless if she looks/behaves terribly scary.