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how is it possible to tell if someone likes you or not?

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TB
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14 Oct 2009, 11:24 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
The biggest tip off is radiance, if your seeing such positive emotion pouring at you out of her eyes that you feel like you need to put welding goggles on to look at her - she's highbeaming the heck out of you. Once you know the feel of that and what that is, everything else is usually a distillation of that - particularly when you know what it looks like when someone is doing that and trying to make every effort not to look at you.

For whatever reason, while I can see it from a mile away usually, the biggest question has always been what on earth to do with it. I think I've just figured over time that if its a good fit personalitywise such issues really aren't a problem because they won't take conversation as a sign of rejection (a lot of times I've noticed that many girls who have beame real hard at me don't want down to earth conversation at that point or can't adapt out of it, if they were coworkers in the past I found a more distinct problem - they couldn't relate to me much at all, the behavior is not always a sign that they think verbal communication would fail abysmally, they may be right though, but if they're feeling something and they don't want to bottle it up or kick themselves for not showing it - flirting is usually the best way they can at least say they to themselves that the had the guts to try).


the beaming part is so funny (made me smile)because its true, probably the single best way to find out without asking.

but.... people can also radiate and not feel anything romantically just friend wise.



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14 Oct 2009, 11:45 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
The biggest tip off is radiance, if your seeing such positive emotion pouring at you out of her eyes that you feel like you need to put welding goggles on to look at her - she's highbeaming the heck out of you.


I'm a smart girl - no, really, I am! - but I have NO idea what you're on about here. :(


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Hector
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14 Oct 2009, 12:06 pm

Neither do I. Sustained eye contact is an anecdotal sign of romantic interest but isn't always the case.



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14 Oct 2009, 12:27 pm

its clear to me but impossible to put into words, expect the highbeaming part im not too sure about.



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14 Oct 2009, 12:36 pm

I don't read anything from what was described but "sustained eye contact". If it's something more profound then I'm not sure what it is.



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14 Oct 2009, 12:53 pm

SINsister wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
The biggest tip off is radiance, if your seeing such positive emotion pouring at you out of her eyes that you feel like you need to put welding goggles on to look at her - she's highbeaming the heck out of you.


I'm a smart girl - no, really, I am! - but I have NO idea what you're on about here. :(



I've done it myself. Some of it is under conscious control and some is not. I have fairly clear memories of what probably felt like "highbeaming" to the reciever. From my end it felt like my face was getting hot and I couldn't look at anything else. I've read (and seen photos) that the part not under conscious control is pupil dilation. I have no idea how to dilate my pupils but the "can't look at anything else" part probably looked like that from the outside.



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14 Oct 2009, 1:00 pm

Janissy wrote:
I've done it myself. Some of it is under conscious control and some is not. I have fairly clear memories of what probably felt like "highbeaming" to the reciever. From my end it felt like my face was getting hot and I couldn't look at anything else. I've read (and seen photos) that the part not under conscious control is pupil dilation. I have no idea how to dilate my pupils but the "can't look at anything else" part probably looked like that from the outside.


Ahhhhh. Alas. If I find a guy really attractive/have a "crush" on him, I CAN'T look at him. And *in the eye*?! OMFG, no. :cry:


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14 Oct 2009, 1:10 pm

SINsister wrote:
Janissy wrote:
I've done it myself. Some of it is under conscious control and some is not. I have fairly clear memories of what probably felt like "highbeaming" to the reciever. From my end it felt like my face was getting hot and I couldn't look at anything else. I've read (and seen photos) that the part not under conscious control is pupil dilation. I have no idea how to dilate my pupils but the "can't look at anything else" part probably looked like that from the outside.


Ahhhhh. Alas. If I find a guy really attractive/have a "crush" on him, I CAN'T look at him. And *in the eye*?! OMFG, no. :cry:

You might want to work on that. If a woman refuses to look at me, then from other past experiences I tend to infer from this that they dislike me.



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14 Oct 2009, 4:28 pm

Hector wrote:
SINsister wrote:
Ahhhhh. Alas. If I find a guy really attractive/have a "crush" on him, I CAN'T look at him. And *in the eye*?! OMFG, no. :cry:

You might want to work on that. If a woman refuses to look at me, then from other past experiences I tend to infer from this that they dislike me.


Yeah, well, anxiety disorder and social phobia really blow, y'know. Then again, this is all currently theoretical/hypothetical, because there aren't any guys where I live who're worth looking at or crushing on. :cry:


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techstepgenr8tion
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14 Oct 2009, 4:31 pm

SINsister wrote:
Janissy wrote:
I've done it myself. Some of it is under conscious control and some is not. I have fairly clear memories of what probably felt like "highbeaming" to the reciever. From my end it felt like my face was getting hot and I couldn't look at anything else. I've read (and seen photos) that the part not under conscious control is pupil dilation. I have no idea how to dilate my pupils but the "can't look at anything else" part probably looked like that from the outside.


Ahhhhh. Alas. If I find a guy really attractive/have a "crush" on him, I CAN'T look at him. And *in the eye*?! OMFG, no. :cry:


It depends whether that's a problem or not. I remember on my 27th birthday my friends took me to a Japanese steakhouse/sushi place locally. There was a blond waiting on us who was broadcasting a lot of nervous and attracted energy and looking at everyone but me. I felt that energy coming in my direction however. After she took our orders my friends were saying exactly what I was thinking - holy s*** she has the hots for you. Sadly a) I was quite under the weather - had the flu or something and b) attractive or not, with that Bridgett Fonda look she looked just like my bosses daughter I worked with from an absolute nightmare job I had before - that made her looks and personality/nonverbal gestalt a bit of a turnoff just on someone I'd known prior where it just gave me the nasty chills.

Still, I've had that happen at other times, mainly yes - at restaurants when it was a server and when they knew it was professionally inappropriate. Doesn't mean that it doesn't happen at other times as well and I've had dinner with friends, a new girl is in the group - similar things have happened, had them giving me fascinated looks across the table occasionally and I heard from their guy friend how much they thought of me - usually though there was a good reason why nothing came of it.

But, just letting you know - lack of eye contact doesn't mean the message won't go out :).



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14 Oct 2009, 5:10 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
But, just letting you know - lack of eye contact doesn't mean the message won't go out :).


That's *real* horrorshow, then. I can't read signals at all, but I'm somehow capable of sending them unintentionally/unconsciously? GREAT. :(


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14 Oct 2009, 5:10 pm

Hector wrote:
You might want to work on that. If a woman refuses to look at me, then from other past experiences I tend to infer from this that they dislike me.


If she's either looking at your or not looking at you with peavish body language - better to stay clear. I went into a Tim Hortons this morning and while I was sizing the restaurant on my way in I there were two attractive girls sitting at a table and one was giving me less-than-favorable eye contact (on her own, I didn't look at her) - got my food, said "F*** putting up with that", and sat clear on the other side of the restaurant.

However, if she's not looking at and stroking her hair in your direction, trying to look extra frail or fragile in your direction, (usually never true but strictly flirting gesture), or seeming like she's blushing or self-conscious about something in your direction - that's usually when not looking is a sign of shyness rather than disinterest.



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14 Oct 2009, 5:18 pm

Another thing this topic just reminded me of that I noted - negative contact. I've learned from a lot of guys that pretty much every guy, even social butterfly NT's, will occasionally run into a girl who'll stair him down on contact like he's immature, a bad little kid, or she wants to scold him just for being there - never take it personally and quite likely those same women have had guys do it to them. Sometimes its negativity, sometimes its a bad state of mind, sharing and spreading a bad mood though is a bit like sharing bad breath - if someone ever showcases it either just walk by as oblivious as possible or just break a warm sarcastic smile like "You crack me up" - its their social faux pa after all, not yours.



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14 Oct 2009, 5:43 pm

Based on a lifetime of experience, I generally assume that no one in "real life" likes me. Makes things a lot easier, if hopeless.


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14 Oct 2009, 6:26 pm

You've never had someone just slide right through your defenses and intoxicate you? We'll have to get someone on that :).



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14 Oct 2009, 6:30 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
You've never had someone just slide right through your defenses and intoxicate you? We'll have to get someone on that :).


Defenses? It's more like guy repellent that I'm unaware of having sprayed...

...and good luck with that. I apologize in advance for the time and effort that'll be wasted. :(


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Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

~Steve Jobs