Online Dating

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Grisha
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21 Oct 2009, 7:15 pm

polymathpoolplayer wrote:

Yes I had three experiences and they were all bad. #1 I married and she was a sociopath - I had been blinded by marrying after my wife died of a brain tumor, and being the typical Aspie I could not really read her - she told me what I wanted to hear, then proceed to steal money, have an affair and use drugs. That marriage lasted 90 days I kid you not.

#2 was a Long distance relationships that blew up when neither of us could pull off moving to the other's State, plus she was bi-polar and would not take her meds, so one minute she was happy, the next, crying for no reason.

#3 was a bad situation in that we would also have had to move to the other's town and I teach music lessons here so that didn't happen either.

For me three failures out of three ties sums it up nicely - online is a BIG mistake for most people.

BTW I met my current gf by just having the nerve to chat her up at a bus stop and that is the true way to do it - not in bars, not thru friends/family, not thru speed-dating, just IRL and just DO IT.

Yikes!

I hope your present GF is bringing you the happiness you are looking for.

It's a shame, bouncing around randomly hoping for a "lucky accident" doesn't sound too promising.

Sounds like I need to stock up on reading material! ;0)

pbcoll
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21 Oct 2009, 7:58 pm

Simple statistics: check how many females there are in your location, in your age range. Then check how many males there are in the same location, in the same age range. You'll be lucky if there are fewer than two males per female. In other words, the odds are completely stacked against you if you're a male looking for a female, at least IRL the ratio is more 1:1. Some people go ballistic for some reason when these statistics are mentioned, but that doesn't make them false.
Also, consider that anyone on a dating site is someone who is unsuccessful at finding someone through offline means - this can be for 'good' reasons, like having unusual interests or being quirky in a good way, or not being into the bar & club scene, but in many cases it's going to be for 'bad' reasons such as poor looks, impossible standards, being a single parent, etc. While I've had only bad experiences with it, I think okcupid is one of the better sites, plentyoffish is probably the worst for me at least - something like 90%+ of profiles were 'like clubbin and pubbin no weirdoz plze' with minor variations.

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CanadianRose
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21 Oct 2009, 9:56 pm

I'm going to mention something about any type of dating (online or otherwise).

It has to do with "attractiveness" or "looks" if you will

My husband and I met online. We are happily married with two kids.

I am average looking - not "ugly" by any means, but I sure as heck don't have any model agencies giving me their card!! ! I am a slightly curvy type and (GASP!) I have a tummy and (GASP GASP) my legs are fat!! !

My husband is also average looking. He has a tummy!! !! He has some acne scars. He will never make the cover of GQ!! !

I find my husband perfectly sexy. He finds me just lovely.

It is nice that we were not such shallow, self centered ninnies to think that we had to have a partner who was Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie!! !

It will be a LOT easier for anyone looking for companionship to look around them at REAL people. Big, small, tall, short, pudgy, skinny, some will have wrinkles, some will have scars.

As soon as people stop thinking that everyone has to look like they just walked off a movie set and start seeing the real beauty of people - the easier it will be to start having warm, loving companionship.

I'm not saying that people should lower their standards - good grooming is important (for Brad Pitt or Seth Rogen types), but if one has impossible ideals of what they find "attractive" - then finding a companion will be .... well... impossible...

Tim_Tex
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22 Oct 2009, 6:45 am

pbcoll wrote:

Could you be any more pessimistic?

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Tim_Tex
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22 Oct 2009, 6:46 am

CanadianRose wrote:

That's the attitude I like to see on here!

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Grisha
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22 Oct 2009, 6:39 pm

lotusblossom wrote:

On WP is quite good as you can pm people who make 'like minded' posts and get to know them and let things develope naturally (with no pressure) I found the romantic pressure of dating sites very straining and keeping up with all the emails very stressful.

Tried that and she darn near bit my head off!

spooky13
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22 Oct 2009, 8:03 pm

CanadianRose wrote:

Agreed 100%!

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Bataar
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22 Oct 2009, 8:32 pm

CanadianRose wrote:

I agree with you in principle, but in actuality, there are problems. Unless you're around someone for a while in some kind of setting where you have a chance to get to know them, your argument kind of falls a part. If I see a woman for the first time and do not find her attractive for whatever reason, that's all that I know about her. If the only thing I know about her is that I don't find her attractive, there is very little, if any motivation to get to know more about her. However, if you're in an environment where you interact with that person on a semi regular basis, you will eventually learn more about them as a person and what they like/dislike and attraction can develop from that which is an entirely different circumstance.

The other issue and maybe it's just because of my AS and my touch sensibilities, is that it literally makes my skin crawl to be touched by someone I'm not attracted to or interested in. I don't want to be shallow, but I can't help the sensations I feel. If a cute girl walks up to me and gives me a hug or something, awesome, I'd hug her write back, but if someone I'm not attracted to does it, it's all I can do to keep from jumping back and shuddering. I just can't help that.

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