How to tell if a woman is interested

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Ah, well. In my case, all of this is currently only hypothetical, anyway.

The thing is, I'm don't think that I would of noticed a lot of those signals. In general, part of having Asperger's is having a deficiency in non-verbal communication so we can't intuitively understand body language and the unwritten rules of social interactions the way NT's can. What happens if we find that keeping track of, and trying to interpret all those signals gets too confusing? I've heard that on-line dating can give aspies an advantage because we can bypass having to read body language in the initial stages. But in that case, is it the best option? Given that on-line dating also has potential dangers?

Something to consider, in the NBA they say the players do their best when they let it happen, don't think about it, flow. When they're in a game, it's best not to be distracted by details like technique, but rather let it be automatic (similar to how you said about thinking about too many details and getting confused). At the same time, basketball isn't learned through instinct or gut feeling like most learn social skills. When they first learn basketball, they have to think about it while practicing. Even after they become good, if they find a flaw they have to think about it when practicing. Even when trying to perfect it, they have to think about it. It's during the game they allow "flow".

I know body language experts say the same thing about learning body language. They say some don't catch on as well and it works best when there's flow without consciously thinking about it, but if you have problems you may have to use conscious practice enough times for it to become automatic without thinking about it.

Then some experts on Asperger's/HFA say they can learn social skills the same way one learns to play the piano/sport, with instruction and practice. They say two factors come into play for how good AS/HFA become: 1. How well they understand the social skills concept; 2. How much practice they get.

To train yourself to notice what's going on, Janissy on the other thread suggested watching movies where they fall in love, because actresses are often trained to do those things, and you don't have to worry about real life people feel like they're being stared at. You can also watch real people around you, although people apparently feel awkward if being watched so you'll have to do it discreetly (for example make sure they don't keep looking at you when you're observing a guy and girl interacting). Noticing if women do it to you I guess would also be useful in training, make sure they're doing multiple signals rather than one and the context of the situation.

Fair enough. I've learned a lot of social skills over the years and this is one area where I haven't yet learned them even though I might of liked to have started dating in the past. The thing is, I currently don't have as much contact with people as I used to. Even on the University campus because while I was doing my MSc, I was just working on my thesis and not even going to classes anymore. At the moment, I've been working on a computer program for someone in the physics department as a work trial for a job I might get there next year. I don't think that I would be currently able to put these skills into practice. Unless you can suggest any options.

If you're at a campus, I would imagine you'd at the very least have some minimal opportunities for human interaction?

If you need basics on body language as a foundation, right now I'm trying a teach yourself body language book (New Edition) http://www.amazon.com/Teach-Yourself-La ... 402&sr=1-3 It has do it yourself exercises, by observation and trying things yourself, with research on body language inside. If you don't have much human interaction, maybe you could try it with people you work with (although it may not be good to try the exercises that are supposed to result in less interaction when you're having a conversation with a direct boss). You have to have a few human beings you talk to? I've found the book insightful so far, and my eye contact is better. You just need to make sure you do the exercises, and even if you don't have much time going through them quicker rather than tedious is better than nothing at all.

If you're really bad with eye contact, Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" has advice on how to learn "just to make eye contact", even if not as good as an NT's http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Guide-As ... 571&sr=1-1

One book I bought lately that I haven't read yet but I will is "Making Friend: A Guide to Getting Along with People" http://www.amazon.com/Making-Friends-Gu ... 990&sr=1-1 Although this last book isn't supposed to be as universal, it still has good "general" social skills, and I've found various Asperger's websites recommend it.

You may even find a lot of these in a library, or even interlibrary loan being at a university.

Another book I bought which I'm going to read "Teach Yourself Flirting" http://www.amazon.com/Teach-Yourself-Fl ... 571&sr=1-1

I don't live on campus and I'm not on campus every day. The interaction that I do have is with people in the physics department, who by this stage I already know well. So yes, there are people that I talk to. It's not that I don't have social skills. I have enough that I managed to make make people laugh at my graduation dinner although I rehearsed some of that before hand. It also made me so tired afterwards that I only opened the gifts the following night. I initially asked the questions that I did because I was interested in the social rules behind dating. Thanks for the those references though, I still think that they will be useful. I've learned on my own how to make some eye contact, by glancing and looking away, though it's not as good as an NT's. If I try to make eye contact for long, I can lose track of what the person is saying. I know about Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" and think it might have a lot of other useful information. The book I've still got of Tony Attwood's is "A Guide for Parents and Professionals" which my parents got when I was first diagnosed. All the books that on AS that I've read recently have been biographies, not any with practical advise. Thanks again for the references and sorry if I've asked too many questions.

You most definitely haven't.

I've had no luck with online dating. I think aspiness comes through even in the written word. Being too grammatically correct. No short hand, illegible unpuntuated, uncapitalised i, and such. Maybe too much focus on me and not what I can do for the other person. Maybe too polite. I have seen a source that indicates women actually like bad behavior, like saying bluntly you want to have sex with them.

Plenty Of Fish, which I call Plenty Of Sharks has proved to be a totally hideous site for this aspie.

Really? I have noticed people who were obviously atheist or pagan listing their religion as "Christianity" or "Islam" because they are afraid of guys propositioning them for sex.

How will I know if someone is interested? She will be yelling "Tim, if you don't go out with me, I'll blow my brains out!"

Only a very desperate person would want to go out with me.

The easiest way to tell that a woman is interested in you is if you are not interested in her. If you're not interested in her then she'll be interested in you. And if you show interest in her she will immediately lose interest in you. Women are mean that way (or men are stupid that way, take your pick).

I'm not very good with eye contact. An alternative method, I forget where I read it, but I once read that you can test attraction by watching the other person's feet. If they're attracted to you the will subconsciously be inclined to point a foot in your direction.

Like that girl who blushes, then looks away lol

That's cynical. Just because that may be your experience with the women you've dated, doesn't logically indicate that it's true in general. When one person is interested in another, it doesn't mean that the feeling is mutual but it also doesn't mean it can't be.