28 Oct 2009, 7:10 am
Grisha wrote:
On the other hand, although you should never date someone in the "just friends" category, you shouldn't limit yourself to the high end of the attractiveness scale because attraction can grow over time. And by attraction, I don't mean "fondness" or "affection", I mean real physical attraction. I know this from personal experience.
That's been my experience anyway, at least there's some benefit to getting old.
That's been my experience anyway, at least there's some benefit to getting old.
We are the same age and I've noticed something similar with my own aging. When I was younger, middle aged people looked ugly to me. Now that I'm middle aged myself, I find I'm attracted to middle aged men. (I know, I know, SINister, I'm probably making you heave right now
). What used to look ugly now looks attractive. It isn't a lowering of standards, since the attraction is real, it's a changing of them. I see things in middle aged men that I was blind to before when I was younger.
28 Oct 2009, 9:08 am
Janissy wrote:
(I know, I know, SINister, I'm probably making you heave right now ).
).Haha, you're not!
I've seen some decent-looking middle-aged men in "real life," here and there. The thing is, though I thought they were attractive, I wasn't attracted *to them*. I don't think it's a case of anhedonia...it's probably got a lot to do with the fact that I still haven't had many young(er) guys (I never had any when I was young!), and I'll be damned if I resign myself to old men just because I'm "old" - when I haven't had my fill (oh, dear 
) of the cute young(er) men who I really want. 
P.S.: It's SINsister.
Then again, I haven't done any sinning in years, so the nickname's no longer accurate. I should probably go back to being simply "The Sister" (my college nickname), because it's more appropriate (living, as I do, in the cloisters 
)...
28 Oct 2009, 10:29 am
28 Oct 2009, 10:35 am
28 Oct 2009, 10:54 am
28 Oct 2009, 11:00 am
RossMc wrote:
If you're female and you are alone for more than a month, that means that your standards are too high.
...or, conversely, it means you're 6'1", Mensan, probably on the spectrum, and have functioning eyes.
28 Oct 2009, 11:19 am
28 Oct 2009, 12:06 pm
Grisha wrote:
SINsister wrote:
Dating attractive young men was never an option for me, though. Even the unattractive guys shunned me. As I've lamented time and again elsewhere at the forums, the only males who bother with me are bloated retirees and deplorable creeps.
That's utterly baffling to me.
I don't know what to say, except I hope you finally get the insight you need - you certainly deserve it.
Thanks...but I don't think insight will help me, at this point. I'm so tired of all of it that I'm on the verge of giving up and accepting my "fate." Maybe I should get on an SSRI again, so I'm not plagued by my normal-to-overactive libido, anymore.
28 Oct 2009, 12:25 pm
SINsister wrote:
Grisha wrote:
SINsister wrote:
Dating attractive young men was never an option for me, though. Even the unattractive guys shunned me. As I've lamented time and again elsewhere at the forums, the only males who bother with me are bloated retirees and deplorable creeps.
That's utterly baffling to me.
I don't know what to say, except I hope you finally get the insight you need - you certainly deserve it.
Thanks...but I don't think insight will help me, at this point. I'm so tired of all of it that I'm on the verge of giving up and accepting my "fate." Maybe I should get on an SSRI again, so I'm not plagued by my normal-to-overactive libido, anymore.
What would you be "giving up"?
Hope?
Or would you actually stop doing something that you are doing now?
28 Oct 2009, 12:36 pm
SINsister wrote:
...or, conversely, it means you're 6'1", Mensan, probably on the spectrum, and have functioning eyes.
You must be displaying some really off-putting behavior. Judging from the pics in your link, there shouldn't be any other reason you're not being approached daily by a wide variety of men. If you're only being approached by disgusting creeps, it's because they're normally shameless people who are unaffected by these repelling vibes.
To know if you're putting off these vibes sub-consciously, ask yourself this. If a man (average looking) began talking to you in a friendly manner out of the blue, would you:
A) naturally continue the conversation & take it for what it is
OR
B) feel threatened, & try to figure out what his intentions are. Or even assume what he's after & act accordingly.
If the answer resembles B at all, there's your problem.
28 Oct 2009, 12:43 pm
Grisha wrote:
What would you be "giving up"?
Hope?
Or would you actually stop doing something that you are doing now?
Hope?
Or would you actually stop doing something that you are doing now?
Hope. As in, hope of ever having a sexual relationship again, let alone anything else.
28 Oct 2009, 12:51 pm
deadeyexx wrote:
You must be displaying some really off-putting behavior. Judging from the pics in your link, there shouldn't be any other reason you're not being approached daily by a wide variety of men. If you're only being approached by disgusting creeps, it's because they're normally shameless people who are unaffected by these repelling vibes.
To know if you're putting off these vibes sub-consciously, ask yourself this. If a man (average looking) began talking to you in a friendly manner out of the blue, would you:
A) naturally continue the conversation & take it for what it is
OR
B) feel threatened, & try to figure out what his intentions are. Or even assume what he's after & act accordingly.
If the answer resembles B at all, there's your problem.
To know if you're putting off these vibes sub-consciously, ask yourself this. If a man (average looking) began talking to you in a friendly manner out of the blue, would you:
A) naturally continue the conversation & take it for what it is
OR
B) feel threatened, & try to figure out what his intentions are. Or even assume what he's after & act accordingly.
If the answer resembles B at all, there's your problem.
Wow, that's a doozie.
I'd have to select "B," but that's because it never happens! I have terrible social phobia, so I'd not know what to make of it, or how to "naturally" continue a conversation with a stranger, anyway. To reiterate, though, men generally DON'T talk to me out of the blue (creeps at the gym notwithstanding), so I wouldn't know how to act "appropriately" if they did.
28 Oct 2009, 1:18 pm
28 Oct 2009, 1:22 pm
Tim_Tex wrote:
People try to convince me that any standards are too high, and that I should just settle for whoever shows me attention.
Same here - and that ain't happening.
28 Oct 2009, 1:26 pm
28 Oct 2009, 1:33 pm
deadeyexx wrote:
Well, perhaps your vibes are a defense mechanism to avoid this awkward situation.
I struggle with displaying off-putting vibes too. Sometimes they're so strong, that they stop people from talking to me in the first place. I remember a time when a bum asked me for change. I simply looked up at him to see what he was saying, & just from that he could sense I wasn't interested & walked away. I didn't even have to put on an distanful face, as it was already there naturally. To get that kind of reaction from someone with an agenda, I must really repel people trying to be friendly.
One strategy I've found to work was to take the initiative approaching people instead. I'd essentially talk over by repelling body language.
I struggle with displaying off-putting vibes too. Sometimes they're so strong, that they stop people from talking to me in the first place. I remember a time when a bum asked me for change. I simply looked up at him to see what he was saying, & just from that he could sense I wasn't interested & walked away. I didn't even have to put on an distanful face, as it was already there naturally. To get that kind of reaction from someone with an agenda, I must really repel people trying to be friendly.
One strategy I've found to work was to take the initiative approaching people instead. I'd essentially talk over by repelling body language.
How would I know, though? I can't "read" other people's "vibes," nor do I have any idea if I'm putting off repellent "vibes" in others' direction.
I can't approach other people, especially if the people in question are males to whom I'm attracted.
