Feel like its too late for me
Fiz
Veteran
Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,821
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom
enamdar wrote:
I had quite a few attractive popular girls literally chasing me, but nothing serious came of it.
That's more than what I got when I was at school or college, boys generally tended to bully me or ignore me.
enamdar wrote:
Anyway after missing the dating scene all through high school and college, where it supposed to be so easy for anyone to have a harem, unless you're a complete loser omega, I kind of feel hopeless.
Again, I also found this. But it actually improved for me when I went to university and started work, that's if you call getting cheated on by my second boyfriend an improvement lol. But hey, am with a great guy now
enamdar wrote:
It seems as I get older my social opportunities will get even narrower since I wont have the same easy networks with females that school provides, and the workplace will provide far fewer social contacts.
I think this depends on where you work and there will be lots of other people who will encounter this as well as you. Instead of looking at the fewer social contacts as a negative, look at it as a positive. There are less people to get to know, you could possibly make deeper, more meaningful friendships with these people and, because you know them better, maybe one day, if you meet a woman in this way, it could flourish into something else in time....
enamdar wrote:
Plus I feel like I missed out on a lot of the excitement of a boy having his first girl, that comes in the boyhood/ teen years, that feels meaningless and pathetic to a guy in his mid-20s.
I used to feel like this again in that I missed out on the whole first proper boyfriend thing in my teens. However, I look back at all my female friends who were pressurised into having sex with their boyfriends at the age of 13 or whatever for fear they would lose them and be called 'frigid' to boot, the high number of teen couples who ended up having babies at very young ages (9 times out of 10 the father wanted nothing to do with it or accusing his girlfriend of sleeping with someone else) and, in some cases, contracting sexually transmitted infections. Romance among teens and young adults is now all but dead and is now replaced with what I have just described. This is now something I was glad I missed out on.
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Stinkypuppy wrote:
I disagree, I suspect it's #2 (specifically that people don't develop at the same rate, resulting in not being able to handle a relationship) that is a big reason why no relationships have flourished using this method. Attracting the attention of girls is very different from being able to develop some semblance of a romantic relationship with one, and while the OP could attract girls, it doesn't look like he was able to develop anything further from that. #3, while I think is likely to be true in enamdar's case, is only made apparent in retrospect. When you're young you don't realize that things won't always be so easy. At any rate, I don't see #3 as being a fundamental reason for relationship difficulties; instead I think it exacerbates #2 out of a feeling that he wouldn't feel any need to rectify #2.
There is no way to "rectify" #2, it just happens to be (for whatever reason) that girls' hormones tend to kick in earlier than boys' on average. I happened to even be one of the latest among the boys.
This time shift has the inevitable consequence that, if you were to plot the ratio of demand to supply for male attention, there would be a peak somewhere in the teen years. That is, unless the girls go after college boys, which is less likely due to circumstances, and depending on what they do, even illegal.
But, I think you are referring to a different thing, that among boys (or among girls) there are differences in when they start looking for longer relationships, but this goes both ways, in that some actually are MORE looking for something long-term in the beginning, and then when it doesn't work out, they pursue more flings and shorter relationships.
But the point I was trying to make is, in high school the definition of a "relationship" seems to be different than later on, and what people look for in partners is different, and this has great bearing on the fact that guys like me got more attention back then. Can I be sure that those girls who liked me in high school would have gone as far as sex? No. But I consider it quite likely, given that they actually approached me, and in a way that amounted to hitting on me. Now, they may have wanted a serious relationship, I don't know. But even a seripus relationship, by high school standards, was most likely different than it would be by average 25-year-old standards. Relationships back then rarely lasted long for ANYBODY, so even if some were naive enough to think they were ready to get married back then, what they felt was probably different than what an average adult feels when actually getting married.
I know people often like to say that in middle and high school they were not looking for "practice dating", that it was real love they were after. To me, this is just as meaningless as saying that in elementary school, I was not doing practice math, it was "real" math. Now, after learning calculus, I could say that learning multiplication tables was a far cry from what math is really about in my opinion. And in fact, I hated math back then, it was only after getting through algebra that it started to become interesting. But, in elementary school, "math" was synonymous with addition and multiplication facts, because it would never have occurred to me that there were such things as algebra and calculus. The significance of the word "arithmetic" is meaningful only in retrospect. So, us adults who have never had any kind of relationship may in fact think that a "relationship" is something very different from what people think it is who have had several relationships.
biostructure wrote:
Merle wrote:
Just think you're in it for the long term.
Exactly what we DON'T need to hear...
You mean you want me to tell you to:
1. Get into a science/engineering field, join a startup in a dotcom and make some money.
2. From there, attend non-profit gatherings and get on the mailing lists through a few donations.
3. Pick an age range you're willing to date and make yourself available.
4. Be pretty much known as a serial dater.
5. Never take a woman back to your place and make sure when you do have sex that you flush the condom.
Too formulaic and it would never work.
Merle wrote:
biostructure wrote:
Merle wrote:
Just think you're in it for the long term.
Exactly what we DON'T need to hear...
You mean you want me to tell you to:
1. Get into a science/engineering field, join a startup in a dotcom and make some money.
2. From there, attend non-profit gatherings and get on the mailing lists through a few donations.
What do these have to do with it?
3. Pick an age range you're willing to date and make yourself available.
4. Be pretty much known as a serial dater.
5. Never take a woman back to your place and make sure when you do have sex that you flush the condom.
????
Too formulaic and it would never work.
No, I mean we need to hear that there is still time to experiment with relationships, that we're not stuck settling down just because we're relatively late to the game.
biostructure wrote:
No, I mean we need to hear that there is still time to experiment with relationships, that we're not stuck settling down just because we're relatively late to the game.
Totally and completely. You play a different game in your teens, than when you're in your twenties to when you're in your thirties.
I can't speak of forties, but it's definately been fun. I'm only missing out on ever being "married" part.
Merle wrote:
biostructure wrote:
No, I mean we need to hear that there is still time to experiment with relationships, that we're not stuck settling down just because we're relatively late to the game.
Totally and completely. You play a different game in your teens, than when you're in your twenties to when you're in your thirties.
I can't speak of forties, but it's definately been fun. I'm only missing out on ever being "married" part.
Totally and completely what?
biostructure wrote:
Merle wrote:
biostructure wrote:
No, I mean we need to hear that there is still time to experiment with relationships, that we're not stuck settling down just because we're relatively late to the game.
Totally and completely. You play a different game in your teens, than when you're in your twenties to when you're in your thirties.
I can't speak of forties, but it's definately been fun. I'm only missing out on ever being "married" part.
Totally and completely what?
Totally and completely - you have time to experiment with relationships, and aren't stuck settling down. Unless you're 40+, you're definately not even close to being "relatively" late to the game.
CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Janissy wrote:
He claimed that he had many attractive, popular girls literally chasing him. If he has many attractive, popular girls literally chasing him, then he wasn't unable to have a dating life in highschool, he just didn't want one.
Just because they are attractive and popular, doesn't make them compatible with him.
EDIT: Oh I see. What you mean is that he could have chosen to date them anyway even though he had no interest in them. Well...wouldn't that have been 'leading them on'?
Um... if you read the original posters exact words, he stated "I had quite a few attractive popular girls literally chasing me, but nothing serious came of it. "
The bolded bit is implying he would have liked something seious to come of it, so sorry but i'm going to have to disagree with your statements.
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