I think i've accidently screwed up bad

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You have to make your motives clear. If you want to be with the friend yourself, then comments about how someone is wrong for them leave your message up to interpretation. In that instance, the only sort of comments I would make would be about very specific behaviors, and suggesting the friend talk to other people about the relationship.

There are some instances in which an ethical person recuses themselves from judging or interfering. This is one of them.

I feel compelled to point out the she BROUGHT IT UP. She and a good number of my friends also know its my policy to answer any question truthfully. She asked me what I though and I answered then she asked me bunch of questions about my life and why I said what I said that I didnt want to answer. I TOLD her I loved her five months ago before she met this guy and this time I said it to her to explain how I never could hurt her intentionaly. She reguarly (twice a week for 15 months) calls me up or e-mails me and asks about how I am and how works going she even asks some very personal questions. She started this conversation a week ago by asking me via e-mail about my personal life (which I told her I was reluctant to talk about). She previously asked me about her boyfriend and I truthfully answered then with this very same answer. None of this was new information she just reacted differently.

I am angry and mad at myself for how this went down. I'm leaving town for a weeks vacation (previously scheduled) thursday and I think i'll go back to the reservation where I can be alone for a while.

That is of exactly zero comfort to the woman you say it to. They're still hurt, whether you meant it or not. Saying you didn't mean it sounds like an excuse instead of taking responsibility.

Ok HH, do you have any constructive ideas for how to patch things up?

I personaly thnk i've hit a nerve with her by utter accident and flubbed trying to fix the situation.

What is your goal in trying to patch things up? What is it that you would like to happen?

Hale_bopp has a valid point. Yes it can be annoying to be on the receiving end, I've been there too. But falling for someone is pretty normal, not the crime of the century.

There is no freedom of not being offended. There is no freedom from being creeped out.

Words like "stalkerish" are vapid, they represent all that is purely emotive.

A resuption of normal relations would be my goal for the moment.

What is "normal relations"?

I'd suggest, "I was a complete ass. Given that I have feelings for you, it is wrong for me to express any opinions at all on your boyfriends. I never will again." And then stick to that.

I will try some varient of that, minus the ass part as she hates profanity.

Good idea. I don't like interjecting self-loathing remarks one bit, it's very negative and destructive.

I personally don't feel like what you did was out of line. Sure, it was a flub, but certainly nothing serious. I have guy friends that are interested in me, and I can put myself in her place. I regularly have them criticize my relationship and it's merely annoying. Her reaction is indeed one of defense, and it sounds as if she were even baiting you a bit. As much as I hate to admit it, women (and men, when it happens) can be very ignorant of their own subtle mind games and their motivations. She willingly placed herself in a position of 'hurt,' then accused you of causing her harm. There really is something not right about that.

If your intentions were known from day one, this doesn't seem terribly destructive to me. For a woman to keep talking to a guy friend she knows has an interest in her as if he doesn't, then treating him like an abuser when he expresses his opinions thus, is manipulative. And that's pretty much straight from the horse's mouth, as they say.

My advice is to keep being open and direct, plain and simple.

She asked you a question you gave her an honest answer, you've said your sorry even though you didn't really need to.

If she knew that you've had feelings for her for a very long time, then she's in no position to turn around and use that against you when it suits her.

Tbh I I think your actually better off without this person in your life.

Well they both said they loved me.

Well they both said they loved me.

I would suggest you are agonising on it way too much at the moment and tying yourself in knots trying to work out how to make things right.
What's done is done, and to be honest, I do not see a great deal wrong in what you said to her...in the end, only you can know if you said it simply out of caring for her and genuinely feeling he is wrong, or if you said it because you like her yourself.
Whichever it is, you are only human. You made a mistake. You apologised for the mistake and I think, personally, that should be enough,
I would take your time out to let things cool off, for both of you and hope she might perhaps calm down and have time to think about it.
If you are right and she is with the wrong person...well, it is her mistake to make and learn from.

You did nothing wrong whatsoever. You where asked a question, and you responded with a honest truthful answer.

HH is tripping about this for some reason, which is odd. The references to you being creepy and stalkerish probably just indicate HH had a bad encounter with a stalker who was once a friend, or knows someone who did. Unless you actually have stalker leanings, I'd just ignore HH's insults. They're uncalled for, and a bit extreme given the situation as you described.

People don't always react the way we want to what we say and do. They have a host of emotional reactions based on experiences you may have no idea about. The same phrase can mean a hundred different things to as many people. As long as you remain true to yourself, you have done no wrong, especially if you take the extra time and care to attempt to clear up a misunderstanding.

As for the girl, she wanted you to tell her everything was going to be amazing and she had found her happy ending. That's generally what people like hearing. Her reaction indicates that she, for whatever reason, needed you to feel like she had met her soul mate. But you don't. And, the way she phrased her question, you didn't even realize she was speaking directly about her and her boyfriend. You gave an honest answer, you did fine. She flipped out, but that's not your fault. If she didn't want your answer, she shouldn't have asked you.

ROFL. Uh, yeah, you try being a woman and getting through life without a stalker or 20. That's the point. They're not some rare phenomenon.

Any time a guy thinks to himself that a woman has chosen poorly by not choosing him or choosing someone other than him, he's halfway down the road to Stalkerville.