Relationship advice?

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You don't. Either he will or he won't. It's not up to you, and there is no magic combination of things you can do that will make it happen.



Ah, ok. So what you now know is that he wants a relationship of making out but not talking. How this works is that you look at what the person is offering, and decide if you want it or not. If you do, go ahead. If you don't, move on. Picking the person and then trying to talk them into the kind of relationship you want doesn't work.



It's fine. It just means this relationship isn't for you, because knowing a lot about each other isn't what's being offered to you.



Nope. You're just wanting a different kind of relationship from what he's offering.



That's not the issue. You know what's being offered: A whole lot of making out and no real or deep conversation. It doesn't matter why he's offering what he is. All you need to know is what's on the table, and decide if you want it or not.



You don't. That's not being offered.



No. You can ask to be friends if you think being friends with him is something you enjoy. But if it's to look for a particular reaction from him, you're just spinning your wheels.

You're not a fool, honey - you're 18, and this is your first romantic relationship. And you're not expecting too much, too soon. Learning about each other (mostly through conversation) is the whole point of dating.

What would you like to know about him? Think about that for a while....are you curious about his political leanings; hobbies; religious beliefs; siblings; details of his childhood; his desire for children? When you decide what you'd like to know about him, bring those topics up in conversation, as in, "So, tell me about your travels [he recently returned from an extended trip abroad, correct?]...what was your favorite destination? Why did you like it? What were the people like there?" (Obviously, these are just suggestions for conversation starters.)

If he doesn't respond to your questions, or flat-out refuses to engage in conversation, I wouldn't waste your time trying to figure him out. Nobody needs to be in a relationship with someone who's that inscrutable. You seem like a nice girl - if he can't be bothered getting to know you, dump him.

ToadofSteel, please forgive what I said. It usually takes two to have a communication problem - don't take my share of the responsibility, okay? I obviously misinterpreted your statement, and I apologize for that.

What made me so angry was the idea that I would think you're a freak - it doesn't make me much less angry to hear you call yourself a freak. You're not a freak - you need to work on your self-esteem. Please, please work on giving yourself a break. Be kind to yourself, be understanding and forgiving. This is true for NTs as well as Aspies: the outside world can beat all of us down - we have to take the lead in building ourselves up, each and every day. You're worth the effort.

I would agree with HH on this point. Choose someone you can have fun with and who interests you.

(my first bf sounds similar to the man you describe; very good looking, big into the kissing and physical side of things, but he had the personality of a damp dish-cloth and conversation was like getting blood from a stone...)

NEW UPDATE!! !

I sat down with this guy and had a very long, painful conversation. He told me that he wasn't after me for sex and doesn't care if we never do it, he just likes spending time with me. I asked him what he'd classify the relationship as and his response was "just two people getting to know each other" and that all the kissing was probably just because we only really see each other after work at night, when there's not much else to do...not sure about how that works, but I think I can see where he's coming from there.

He also admitted that he has no idea what he wants out of this not-quite-relationship. Apparently he just came out of a year-long relationship four months ago, and while he says that he's completely over it, I'm pretty sure that it's holding him back a lot. I don't have a problem with that because I've been in a similar situation before and I know how he must be feeling, it's just how to make him understand that I'm willing to be patient with him and won't hurt him like she did (she thought he was cheating on her when he wasn't, so her response was to screw one of his friends and make sure he found out about it then blame him for it). So basically what I can surmise is that he doesn't think he's ready for a deep relationship yet, but he's not the type for a shallow/purely physical relationship, so he's feeling very conflicted, especially when he comes over and despite not kissing me with the intention of sleeping with me, his hands unconsciously start wandering.

So, a lot of questions have been answered by our nice long conversation, but I think it also gave me just about as many questions. I think I need to decide now what *I* want from him and what I'm willing to wait for/put up with. Before I was ready to just go with the flow however he directed the relationship, with him being the experienced one, but now it looks like I will have to do some navigating of my own.

Is there anything I have perhaps missed/interpreted wrongly, do you think? I'm merely giving what my perspective on our 'chat' was, but I have been known to interpret such things completely upside-down and backwards before. Thoughts?