it's over...

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A little update now that the (somewhat lessened) shock has passed... it's actually kinda relieving. She wasn't a burden at all, but her lack of certainty in the relationship throughout most of it was so taxing on my mind that not having to deal with that is a decent enough consolation prize...

I'm still feeling a bit depressed in my failure, but such is life. I would feel just as bad if I lost a race or something.

I've quickly returned to the "unlovable loser" I once was, so I guess that does mean I'm really over her...

Because "another woman" exists? One of the reasons I reached down to the age of 17 (whereas previously when I had turned 20 I had imposed a lower age limit of 18 ) was because there are no 18-30 women to be seen anywhere in my life, single or not...

Stop thinking that it was your "inability to have a relationship" that was the problem... maybe it was hers!

yeah course another woman exists! Maybe you should move towns... change unis.. go out with friend more. I mean I don't know where you meet people at ALL.. i really wouldn't mind knowing but if there is a will, there is a way.

Ugh...that's probably not something you really want to ask him for? Not because you won't get what you want but your likely endangering your faith going there.


I don't know if its impossibly rare as much as there's a lot of quirks and idiosyncrasies out there on what can or can't trip people's triggers. In that sense it really is luck.


Likely you both put a good faith attempt into it, I don't think you're going to find that either of you were at fault for anything.

No, it didn't endanger my faith at all. If anything, it reinforced it. I asked god for a chance to make it in a relationship. He gave me exactly what I wanted...


Well I'm going to need to find a woman that is like me in the respect of being turned on by personality traits... a body that is 120 pounds overweight isn't going to attract anybody...

So what am I a selfish succubus because the realtionship I was in, also with another Aspie, I had almost ended many a time, before it wound up on its own, because of severe jealousy issues I harboured toward the guy?

That's harsh and an extremely unfairly stated judgement towards someone you don't even know Brianruns.

As for you Toad, don't get down on yourself. For a while after my breakup, which unlike yours wasn't cordial, I too felt like I wasn't good enough and it was something wrong woth me that caused my relationship to not "work out". Although a lot of people would encourage you to stay within the "Aspie" realm for future dating endeavors, it may not be the best, because though you might share interests/passions/quirks, it may be those very same similarities, in what makes you two "you two", that end up spelling the beginning of the end to the potential relationship if one is more ept at a shared something then the other. In short what I'm saying is just keep your feelers out in both fields as well as the more general world of disabled dating (a great site you can check out and maybe register on is http://www.dating4disabled.com). If you do reg on it look for songbird85 and I'll add you to my buddy list.

It doesn't sound like you got a chance to prove yourself, aside from perhaps that there's no such thing as a chance to prove yourself as its really the wrong way of looking at it?

wow, cool your jets. Are you saying she shouldn't have her own opinion about her life? We don't condone personal attacks on WrongPlanet, Brianruns10

*. Personal attacks.
This includes insinuation, ridicule and personal insults, regardless of whether direct or indirect. Attacking an opinion, belief or philosophy is acceptable, but attacking the person making the comments is not.

Unless ToadOfSteel's ex GF is a WP member it doesn't count as a personal attack. I mean the same could be said for me saying Britney Spears is a trashy ho.

Still a stupid comment though

I don't know if I'd ever be able to date a complete NT though. One thing that made this past relationship so great was that she was blunt and forthright about any problems. That's why the breakup was on good terms: she just told me that she didn't want to do this anymore rather than reveal it to me by making out with another guy in front of me. If there were more normal women that didn't play the stupid mind games, I would consider it. But as it stands, I absolutely need someone that will just tell me if there's an issue rather than get passive-aggressive about it... It's not a judgement on how NT's form relationships... it's just that if I can't even handle a relationship when the partner is blunt and forthright, I definitely won't be able to handle a relationship where mind games are played. I'm not blocking out 99% of the world's population, just pre-screening for women that it wouldn't work out with anyway...

Kiddo, I think maybe you need to concentrate on yourself for a while. You seem to have a really low opinion of yourself...your posts are peppered with comments about not being good enough, how you failed to handle this relationship properly, etc. My hope for you is that you do the work necessary to like yourself better. (I don't know what form that work might take....therapy, meditation, visualization, gym, etc....whatever seems appropriate and effective.)

When you can validate your own self-worth....when you feel good about yourself and you know you have something positive to offer in a relationship, it will be easier to attract new women. This isn't a "spoonful of sugar" type of suggestion - you really seem unhappy, and I think you need to make your own health and happiness your top priority for the time being. Please try to be kinder to yourself...don't take the blame for the failure of this relationship. Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there, and that's nobody's fault. I'm sure that you've met women that you may have liked, but weren't interested in dating - those women weren't to blame because you felt no attraction for them - it just didn't happen. To believe that there is always fault or blame in these situations....IMO, that's believing you have an enormous amount of control. I believe that we each have very little control over the outcome in matters of the heart.

But if I wasnt a failure at life, I would be able to be normal like everyone else. And in that relationship, she made me feel like I was normal and my life actually had some meaning. That's all out the window now, though...


If there was a woman like that (I liked, but didn't want to date), the feeling was always mutual... this is the first time in my life that a woman has even shown any interest in me, and yet still nothing came out of that...

Between 80 and 90% of relationships drop before they ever hit the marriage phase, then AFTER that half of all marriages fail. I think you're in good company with this breakup, even with the NTs.

I think it would be good to follow some advice I gave a while ago. Start a youth group in your church. Form an outreach program, or find another church which already has the youth groups. You have no right to complain if you're not actively doing something to try and address those complaints.

When you've started making efforts to be involved with groups your own age, with women you associate with, then I'll be glad to hear your complaints. Just don't waste our time if you're not going to invest yours.

But you shouldn't assume that an aspie will be like that. When you've met one aspie... you've met one aspie. Same with NTs.

I think you're seriously wasting time worrying about whether or not your next potential GF has an ASD.

I'm worried more about whether or not any particular woman is going to try and play mind games with me or not. Because that kind of stuff is torture for me... and I've never met an NT of either gender that didnt play games like that to some extent.

Okay, so I guess you're right about NT's and AS's both being unique. I'll retract that part of my claims. But I'm still 100% sure that in order to be compatible with me you have to be a particularly blunt woman, AS or not... I can't fix a problem I don't know about, and I'm not going to know the problems you're having with the relationship unless you tell me about them...