Would you ever date a colleague?

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I would not have to see her all the time, but it's definitely a risk of she decided to gossip about me all over the company.



That's the impression I've got, although being an Aspie that doesn't really mean anything.

Still, she explicitly said that she is looking for a new boyfriend shortly after I mentioned I was looking. The reason she gave is because her boyfriend is pretty much always touchy-feely and it gets on her nerves. Considering she gave me more attention (superfluous casual small talk) the last few weeks than I would have expected from someone in her position, it's pretty hard not to see this as a hint.



I don't like to sound vane, but thusfar I've met only one woman who's my intellectual equal and she's married to my best friend. Although I know several women with a master's degree in law or other university degrees, most of them are pretty shallow and care little about intellectual matters besides what they need professionally.

Considering highly educated women also tend to be pretty arrogant (they tend to think they know everything better) and therefore pretty high maintenance, I decided no longer to look at whatever degree or profession they have. Besides that, my last girlfriend was also an administrative assistent and had only a professional high school degree specialised in gardening, however she was still above average intelligence.



She has a very open, joyful and warm personality and she likes animals. Those are all traits I like in a woman. I'll need to go out with her to figure out more.



I've had 5 relationships and each time I thought I'd met the right one, so I don't think I'm in the position to make such an estimate. I used to think I know what I want in a woman, but these days I'm just following my gut feeling and I have no criteria anymore....

Depends on what you mean by 'dating.' She doesn't sound like someone who's actually looking for any kind of serious relationship. If she's got a boyfriend and is openly looking for a new guy to dump him for, you have to ask yourself how you're going to handle it a few weeks or months from now, when you are that guy. Because this clearly presages a pattern of behavior.

If on the other hand, it's a hookup for sex deal - well...personally, I still wouldn't have anything to do with her while she's attached. Bad karma. Let her dump the BF first, then nail her if that's what she wants, but as far as a relationship is concerned, this girl sounds like an emotional train wreck waiting to happen - to you.

The harassment danger may depend on the circumstances of the job. My career was in a business that actually attracted groupies, which was not a problem. But there were a lot of salespeople in the offices next door and I slept with many of them over the years without incident, but it was mostly very casual, no expectations on either side. In fact, when somebody got hurt, it was usually me.


[self-righteous PC Morality Police please keep your indignance to yourselves, I'm too old to care what you think]

Do you like your job? Could you easily find another job if you had to leave this one? The reason it is generally recommended to avoid dating co-workers is that, if things go sour, like if she gets bored/irritated with you just as she is with her current boyfriend, then things can get awkward at work and you may become embroiled in 'office politics' to a much greater extent than you anticipated.

Why is the boyfriend getting on her nerves? How can you be assured that she won't develop the same irritation for you? Will she get bored with you and look for yet another boyfriend, and what will happen then? It seems that her tendency to wander and inability to commit are reason enough for you to be wary, colleague or not.

She's breaking one of the basic rules of relationships by basing her decision to end a relationship on finding another, rather than the current relationship's own faults and merits.

It's stuff like this that makes me wonder just how in the world getting a job is supposed to be able to help me meet women... people keep saying to me "oh just wait until you have a job and you'll be meeting new people", but I don't want my career to end because of a woman.

I would never date a co worker.

Well, one thing getting a job will do is line your pockets with hard-earned cash, a prerequisite for getting a woman serious about a relationship or marriage post-college. No one wants to date someone with no money, regardless of how sparkling and altruistic their personality is. When you have more money, you can do more things, and most importantly for the post-college woman, you can afford a house and kids!

Yes, it's risky to get involved at work, but I've seen a lot of marriages come out of it, including 4 just at one company I worked at. I've met a ton of women who would have been great matches for me, had I not already married the perfect woman for myself. This is in contrast to college, where it was a lot harder to find interested women. I think where you work can help steer you towards people that have the same or similar job skills, outlook on life, level of education, etc. The other part of it is age -- some of these women are almost visibly eager to get married and have kids -- their genes are screaming out for satisfaction.

Normally, I'd say go for it especially if you've got a crappy job anyway, or can easily find another or if you are planning to transfer into a better job. However, in this instance I'd hold back not because she's a co-worker, but because she's basing a decision to break up with someone on other relationship prospects before leaving the the current boyfriend, so don't be surprised if she does the same thing to you.

I wouldn't care if a woman didn't have much money, just as long as her situation isn't the result of a gambling problem or other difficulty with being responsible. It's the person I look at, not the paycheck. But I'm a man.

Last edited by sgrannel on 06 Jan 2010, 3:22 am, edited 2 times in total.

All work ethics aside...

It's a pretty crumby dating tactic to go fishing for the next relationship before ending the current one. I'm not sure whether you really don't have a gf anymore or were just saying that to see what her response would be... But clearly, that's what she is doing.

Whatever--go for it. But I'm just saying imo, that approach isn't laying any decent groundwork. In the very least, it shows you what you can expect from her if things go south.

I am and it's going great!

Well, I go to school with her but I consider a classmate to be a colleague.

Hell yes. In case that's not clear enough... YES!

Okay, so there's a problem with interoffice romances, nepotism, jealously, getting distracted, etc.

But... the chance of you finding the "one" outside of work is greatly less. Plus most people are not in a job longer than 5 years, and most people change careers 3-5 times in their life. Even in a worse case scenario, getting fired, the chance at a successful and happy relationship is diminished if you remove the office secretarial pool as a place to take a dip.

You have few chances to meet potential mates. The office is one of the best spots, for better or worse, and to eliminate your best spot is to limit your options.

Unless of course you're a Don Juan, movie star and/or have women flocking to you. Then the office can be thought of as "off limits". But for most mortals, it's the best chance they have of meeting someone of quality.

1. I tried dating a coworker once and it didn't work out. It made things very awkward for a while. It's generally not recommended.

2. Dude... That situation sounds almost exactly like one I had last year. (Except I didn't have a GF of course). Had this new girl at my work who was very overly flirtatious with me and we texted a lot and the topics kept tilting to sex and she did admit she had a thing for me. However... Problems. One she was 17, and another was that she had a boyfriend. I was getting the impression she was looking to ditch her boyfriend telling me she was getting annoyed with him.

After kind of realizing this, I wasn't comfortable with the way this was going and had to end things with her. It did get a bit complicated at times while trying to end it. I think I would have had bigger problems had I continued with it. She wasn't really all that mature, in fact, she still isn't.

Thing is, I'd be really be careful with some girl who wants to ditch her current boyfriend for another. It just doesn't feel right to me.