Range, don't worry, I used to be this way with social skill advice (perhaps before I got to this site though) and got a similar sense that I was putting people off, seeming a bit strident, etc.
Your right that people working on, say, having better clothing, grooming better, knowing how to speak like themselves but in a manner that actually translates in to 'NT' with class and charisma - these things are important. At the same time, NT's though, I don't think they're doing a little better than we are (as a group) but not *so* much better. Plenty of them I know have wives running off without giving things a shot at correction or husbands cheating like crazy, a spouse that perhaps has uncompromising ideals on something that they waited to break until they already had kids - the relationship world is quite a scary place because you find out just how often people who would even seem like they have it together are really only wearing a mask - if your really unlucky that mask doesn't come down until you already have a ring on their finger, shared assets, it creeps me out every time I hear horror stories from friends, acquaintances, whether its this, an over-controlling spouse, its adults essentially behaving like preteen brats behind closed doors where the stakes are high enough that you'd really think they're ill upstairs.
That said some guys here do play the PUA game, I think that's fine if they want to attain an understanding of how it works, though I look at roadgames posts and I have to agree, from all of my own experience, whether your an NT or Aspie, who you'll be attractive to is not within your control. If a guy looks like an old Toby McGwire character - he's going to pick up a certain type of girl, if he's not into that type or has a different sort of personality than what society would dictate that a guy who looks that way is supposed to have - he's likely SOL, as in no matter how much he tries to display his real self - society's got him typecast, there no breaking free of it. When I think about that (yes, that's partly my own story), look at a lot of guys on here who seem to have it together but can't land anyone, vs. guys who are on here who seem to be complete wrecks or sound like they're mere kids in writing but land women constantly - I think its exactly that, external/deterministic factors taking their toll, either seemingly unearned success or undeserved failure. This whole game of who's attracted to who, its extremely basal. Some of our self-examination is useful when it helps us break a little bit of new ground or absolve ourselves of an issue that we pounded on ourselves for but really didn't have that much weight, as for pounding on ourselves with the examination though - we have to remember that its not fully real, given a different appearance or set of mannerisms the world could completely lift the wall for no other reason than impression (ie. it is a double standard, its not fully our fault, then again its no one's fault).
That's probably why I try to stay away from giving dating advice or how to land people - the world will treat people that differently by who they are that often enough scrubbing themselves up will only elucidate what level or part of the genetic cast system they're in. The advice is pretty easy as well - dress well, take care of yourself, try to be successful and have goals, be polite but never talk to women as anything less than an equal (on a horizontal level) and engage them as a social equal, there are girls who seemingly want to be talked down to or mistreated but that's baggage that's never a god situation to step into and gratify. Pretty much as aspies we ultimately need a woman who has her head on straight, a lot of us will go for a long time looking for that simply because women have about as much luck finding guys of a similar caliber.
While I'm definitely not a big Doug Giles fan (share some politics - just not the religion) he did say something at a point that made a lot of sense: picking the right partner is the second biggest decision that you'll make in your life, it WILL either make or break you. I've seen that constantly, completely agree, and I'm still holding out simply because its either on or it isn't, and if it isn't at this point in my life I don't really want much to do with it.
25 Mar 2010, 5:05 pm
