Importance of your name?

Post Reply New Topic

If I thought my name made any difference, I would just be kidding myself on to distract me from the reality.

I hate my real first name too. I use one of my middle names online and I like it better. I also had the experience of there being a song with my first name in it when I was in HS and having ppl tease me with it...

~Kate

While I agree that this is a perfect example of the shallowness and stupidity of "normal" people, I also know that there's some truth to it, and that unless we deliberately make an effort to NOT be influenced by it there is an unconscious tendency to begin categorizing people almost instantly based on their name. We all do it or are capable of doing it regardless of the extent to which we want to admit it.

Aside from the phonemic aspects (eg listening to a Thai woman speak Thai, or a Frenchman speak French, is more pleasing to most English speakers than listening to Mandarin Chinese or Slavic languages) there are other things that create this tendency--psychological and/or cultural.

Psychologically speaking....if we associate negative (or positive, of course) experiences/feelings with particular individuals then it would seem logical that there exists the possibility that we may have a strong tendency to react from a gut level--even fleetingly--towards other people bearing the same name as life unfolds.

Culturally....how many kids get named Adolf anymore? I'm sure that there are some, but not many. And then there are those names that can be ambiguous to some people--Tracy, for example, can be male or female, etc. Personally I very much like most of those "either way" names, but I know lots of people who say that they hate them....and just like not getting enough sleep or having been in a fight with one's partner can affect the way that one treats others they encounter as the day unfolds, starting off on a "foot" of confusion or irritation can color one's speech/mannerisms enough to influence the whole first impression thing...and then it all goes uphill or downhill from there.

I found the Kevin example citing towards the beginning of this thread to be very interesting...because reflecting on it, I found it to be true in my own life!

And how many times have we each heard the expression, "You don't look like a [name]" or "You don't seem like a [name]"?

For folks on here who are inclined to feel fires of disgust and hatred burning based on this topic and its implications....well....this is one of those NT things, like having to learn to say "Hello, how are you?" as part of the daily social ritual when 99 percent of the time we don't really care what they answer is, and vice versa when directed at us, as "proof" that we aren't arrogant or whatever the NTs are inclined to say about us. In other words, like it or not....but what you do with/about it is going to influence the quality of your life and your mind, so it's best to just deal with it rather than get too worked up over it.

I've found that NT behaviors are indeed pathetically predictable and vulnerable to manipulation....but darn easy to imitate, and if imitation is what it takes to make my own life/day more pleasant and peaceful (as opposed to "gonna get you nowhere but lower" reactivity/behavior/grudges). Over the years, rather than let the worst of NT behavior patterns end up getting the best of me, I've found that things go a whole lot better by turning the whole thing into a mildly to moderately amusing game. Sometimes--as tiresome as it can be--it's as easy as flipping a switch to do/say "the right thing." Letting go of unproductive anger, frustration, etc, is one of the first steps toward making our own lives easier. Trust me--or not, I don't care! --I'm from the been there/done that camp: fiercely proud of the strengths that being an Aspy lends to me....and I've also found that co-opting "their rules" is usually the key to maintaining the upper hand in the NT world that we have to live in.

The article that the OP linked to -

Telling a woman she's attractive when you've just met her - yes that is a turnoff. Why? Because most of the time it tells her that is the reason you want to be with her.

So a woman can think one of two things. 1. He sees me on a day I'm at less than my best and it's over. or 2. He wants a one night stand or is creepy/a lech.

And it's goodbye. You might get away with picking one thing to compliment, though. Her jewelry or her eyes, or something that in other words isn't so vague, and won't change because she's feeling bloated. Lol

Names? Could care less. And having the name George or Paul didn't seem to hurt those Beatles any.

Women liking 'bad boys' more? Not the smarter or should I say wiser women.

But women go through a phase of wanting to date without commitment too and that's why they pick the wild ones. Same as some guys want the loose women. Same thing. It's just that us 'nice girls' are not raised to admit it even to ourselves. It's a bigger mistake to get into a relationship with those bad boys, believe me. Ugh. (But that's what trying to put a 'nice' facade on it will result in, and end in tears. Lol)

Once women 'grow up' a bit (no matter their age - some never do and those are the cougars in some cases, the 45 yr old woman in the club) they go for more stable guys and then, they want a nice guy.

In a club or other pickup joint, though, you want to try out your witty banter, not 'come meet mom.' So yeah in a way that's true. Edgy might be a better word than 'bad' though. Women don't consciously want to be mistreated no matter how many articles say so.

If I meet a girl who has the same name as my ex I automatically dislike her so I suppose the whole name thing could be a possibility....

My name is more feminine then masculine so............I don't know?

I can't believe my *eyes.*... I feel exactly the same way!! ! I only knew 3 people in my whole life with my name, it's unisex and foreign and old fashioned and my parents got it off a Shakespeare play. There was also a stupid movie which came out with it a few years after I was born and I get endless lame jokes about it! People ask me rude questions like 'are you jewish?' and 'are you a real Australian?' (I don't have a problem with Jewish people but that's not the point, I wouldn't ask someone that if i didn't know them.. oh and yes I am a 'real' Australian).. and yes I want to change my name to my middle name but I one of my friends has it and it would be wierd...alana I'm wondering if we have the same name?

Oh and for the record, I find names very important personally, although it doesn't completely
outweigh someones attractiveness. Eg. someone can have an awesome name and be the biggest loser in the world, and my friends don't all hve awesome names, but an attractive name to an attractive face is icing on the cake. Names are very powerful I think e.g. The difference in between Mumfred (dull and boring) and Kane (I guess its a bit more masculine), or for intance, or Romeo (stereotypically sexy, foreign) and George. Try to imagine a cheesy romance novel with the main character called Maud. Digressing a bit, people bagged out Australia for a while because our prime minister is called Kevin...which over here is the name your uncle or your next door neighbor would have and is slightly boganny (australian answer to redneck). Oh and sorry if anyone has any of the names I've bagged out :/

Scott means "tattoo" in Gaelic. My last name means "merchant" in Dutch/German. So, if that makes me a tattoo merchant, what does that mean? LOL

Ha ha that's awesome. My name literally translates as:

Lion flower Easter. That's even worse than tattoo merchant

I know what a tattoo merchant is. That would be someone who owns a tattoo shop and sells tattoos. Could imply someone who is creative and entrepreneurial. Lion flower easter. Quite interesting. Not really sure where the connection is in all that, unless taken from a Christian context. Easter being a Christian holiday. The lily being the flower most commonly associated with Easter. Lion being the king and if referred to as King of the Jews, then Jesus Christ. That is how I interpreted your literally translated name. Could it be interpreted in a non-religious way? Curious.

Yeah i'm the same, I'm automatically not attracted to guys with the same name as my ex, its a psychological thing, not the persons fault but its just how it is.

That's funny. I only seem to wind up (successfully) dating girls who have names which start with the letters J-K-L. Not only is it right in the middle of the alphabet, they're just grouped sequentially. The further away from the J-K-L triplet, the shorter the relationship.

Could possibly be, my middle name is Rose so that throws the lily out lol but apart from that nice interpretation!

Thank you, thank you, bowing.....

My name sucks.

To anyone that is really unhappy with their name - change it! There is a lot of meaning and associative power in names, so if your associations are negative just wipe the slate clean. I had a roommate who did just that, he had a last name he despised and he wasn't too cool with how his parents had operated. He thought about it for a while and came up with a new middle and last name that had favorable symbolic associations, saw a judge and had it legalized. He was psyched the day he came back from the court or wherever and it was official.
I think if your parents were not cool it can feel very empowering to simply dump what they had in mind and take that ugly word out of the mouths of all the people you haven't met yet. (Picture that first time introducing yourself with your new name to a new acquaintance - that will be their first impression, not that old ugly name.)
I like my name and my parents enough to hang onto it, but just to try it out I have introduced myself with a different name in certain cliques of people I only hang out with occasionally. It definitely has a different psychological feel to give someone a "fake" name. In fact for a while I had three names going and had trouble remembering who I said I was to whom, some of whom knew each other. I eventually told all the cooler people my real name.

I like my name.. flows so very nicely.. just not when my mom called me by my first and middle names.. Never a good thing.