Why do some people cut off their friendships when...

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To follow up on Hale_Bopp's point, there is a school of thought that believes friendships with the opposite sex are something to be shared by a couple - rather than pursued individually by each partner. The idea is to not put oneself in a position to develop inappropriate emotional attachments to a member of the opposite sex, a.k.a., having an "emotional affair." An emotional affair may lead to a sexual affair, but even if it doesn't, it has the potential to weaken the couples' own emotional bond, and damage their relationship.

Does every friendship with a member of the opposite sex present this "temptation?" No. But that's the tricky part....you don't always know if/when a harmless friendship will develop into something deeper. So the question you might ask yourself of a friendship with a person of the opposite sex is whether it has the potential to weaken your primary relationship. If it does, pursuing that friendship is probably not in the best interest of your partner. However....it's a complicated issue, that typically can be approached in a lot of different ways.

But keep in mind the situation I'm describing is not one in which one partner demands the other partner cut off all contact with members of the opposite sex - that can definitely be a sign of abusive and controlling behavior. Instead, I'm referring to a decision that couples come to together, that's acceptable to both partners.

I think I understand what you're saying, HopeGrows. There are many valid reasons why somebody would have problems with their partner's opposite sex friends, but they are specific, related to that individual's behaviour. (Keeping a friend around as a "safety net", someone waiting around for relationship troubles or even trying to create them in order to make a move, a friend disliking your partner and acting rude towards them and so on. I've seen plenty such cases and I wouldn't ask anybody to put up with it). But it's strange to reject someone based solely on their gender without giving them a chance and assuming from the start they endanger your relationship.

I'm a bit disturbed by people who think a man and a woman can't be just friends, without anything sexual or romantic waiting to happen (I don't mean you, Hope). I've been best friends with this guy for 15 years and see it as extremely improbable to suddenly develop any romantic feelings for him. We've been through a lot together and he never created any problems - he was always very nice and polite with my husband and in time they developed a great friendship of their own. It would really seem extremely unfair and cruel if someone would ask me to cut all contact just because he's a man.

It's like one minute, they turn to you for advice. But once they start dating someone, suddenly any attempt to contact them is considered stalking, even if that wasn't your intent. And oftentimes, you get no warning.

Not chatting as much with said friends as when single, that I can understand. But having a partner doesn't have to mean sidelining everyone else.

I had a very good friend, and she was very open and friendly, and told me everything. But when she found someone else, she cut contact, blocked me from IM, and stopped replying to my e-mails.

At the beginning of the correspondence, she promised that she would "never disappear without a reason".

Eventually, I had a friend talk to her because I was concerned, and wouldn't answer me directly. Instead of treating me like a concerned friend, she treated me as if I was an abusive ex-partner, going to the point of threatening legal action if she saw me in person and not by "pure complete chance".

I don't have her address, and I was over 100 miles away, so how would any encounter not be by chance?

i don't befriend guys and my boyfriend dosent befriend girls. it took me awhile to see his logic on this but after all my "friends" started hitting on me i relized he was right. guys and girls cant be friends it just dosent work.

I even had a gay guy (or a guy who told me he was gay) try and kiss me in collage. i was very angry at him because he had been fooling me for years. and i though it was quite manipulative to pretend to be gay like that. i even tried to help him come out of the closet in high school. he had been fooling me for years. or he realized he was bi. either was he shouldn't have done that.

so long story short it is the mutual rule in our relationship to not befriend the opposite sex and i am quite comfortable with it. i like it better this way (less drama). my parents have lots of friends of the opposite sex but i suspect my dad has affairs. so it is not a very good example.

Suffice to say, I have a good friend, and she's a married woman. Her son has autism. She lives A STREET AWAY from me yet I have not seen her in about a year, because of her husband.

I think insecurity or a jealous/controlling partner is the most likely reason.

I always thought that was weird too. Just because a man and a woman are friends, doesn't ALWAYS mean they'll get 2gether eventually.

luckily i have no friends so it's not an issue!

I echo that: saintetienne

For Sure;
Geeze, for AS'ers we need all the friends we can get.

STAT:
if your significant other demands you not see an individual well that is an even trade, but if they demand 2, 3! now their friend ship is in jepordy because I need more friends than I do lover.

I have 1 friend that keeps a good tab on my overall well being, and sinceerely trys to help.

PLEA to all CONTROLers
HOW could any of us afford to loose even one friend...