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Who here has never been in a relationship?

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SamwiseGamgee
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14 Apr 2010, 12:37 am

I've never been in a relationship or on a date or anything like that. Not even close. All the male friends I've ever had were gay, and the two lesbians I've known were slightly psychotic so I wasn't about to try and date them.


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14 Apr 2010, 12:40 am

MrDiamondMind wrote:
therange wrote:
her splitting up with you will just make you depressed also with an obsession with her.

you REALLY are better off not knowing what relationships are like until you meet a girl that is crazy about you, and would do anything to keep you, so you don't have to worry about that sort of thing (which is the norm.)


Ha! That failed. I do know this depression and obsession of which you speak regardless of never having a SO. Let's just say I almost had one. Look at that, I got the terrible side effects without snorting the cocaine.


Actually its not the same. Obsessing over someone you've never had any intimacy with is not a relationship and its completely different. I've been in both situations and being with someone is much much more than just obsessing over them, so Range is right, losing them is a stab in the heart.

If you're heartbroken over someone you've liked never been with, you need professional help because that isn't normal.



GoatOnFire
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14 Apr 2010, 12:52 am

MrDiamondMind wrote:
I have been told by a good number of people that I am very attractive, and have received many signs of high interest. It's just that I have social anxiety disorder on top of my AS, and not to brag, but also a considerably higher than average I.Q. This is what makes it so exceedingly difficult.

To answer your original question, you are not alone in this. You sound like a clone of me, same age even.

Were they doing cloning in the 80's? :pr: :pl: :huh:


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MrDiamondMind
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14 Apr 2010, 1:25 am

Quote:
If you're heartbroken over someone you've liked never been with, you need professional help because that isn't normal.


Let's just say I have a very powerful, out-of-control imagination. After having flirted with this girl (chemistry partner in college) I would go home and think about it... and heavily extrapolate it.

Quote:
To answer your original question, you are not alone in this. You sound like a clone of me, same age even.

Were they doing cloning in the 80's?


Cool. It's nice knowing there are people very similar to me (even though I didn't reveal much yet). It's very rare when I encounter a person who I consider to be my near-equal.



auntblabby
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14 Apr 2010, 2:03 am

MrDiamondMind wrote:
auntblabby, I am not "nobody's idea of mate material". I have been told by a good number of people that I am very attractive, and have received many signs of high interest. It's just that I have social anxiety disorder on top of my AS, and not to brag, but also a considerably higher than average I.Q. This is what makes it so exceedingly difficult.


sorry, "MrDiamondMind", i was only referring to myself when i said i was "nobody's idea of mate material." i just didn't phrase the paragraph clearly in this respect, and i didn't believe that somebody would take it as an insult from me, when that was the furthest thing from my mind.



MrDiamondMind
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14 Apr 2010, 2:21 am

Quote:
sorry, "MrDiamondMind", i was only referring to myself when i said i was "nobody's idea of mate material." i just didn't phrase the paragraph clearly in this respect, and i didn't believe that somebody would take it as an insult from me, when that was the furthest thing from my mind.


Um... this is an AS forum; I thought we all knew that we're known for misreading things. It's even harder online. Sorry.

Also, I don't call myself MrDiamondMind because I think my thoughts are precious. I call myself that because it's very hard to change the shape of a diamond, and it's very hard to change my mindset as well.



Tim_Tex
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14 Apr 2010, 2:32 am

I have been in two relationships.

My advice: Just be yourself, practice basic grooming, and just have a good time.


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CockneyRebel
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14 Apr 2010, 3:49 am

I've never been in a relationship, and it doesn't bother me. Less strings to tie me down. More time for me to engage in The 60s, and listen to The Kinks. 8)

I will never see the point of living up to the expectations of the NT world, in order to be with a man, either. A man that I have nothing in common, with.


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MrDiamondMind
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14 Apr 2010, 4:15 am

I really like the attitude you hold, CockneyRebel, but for me it is currently impossible to not care about such matters, no matter how hard I try.



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14 Apr 2010, 5:56 am

I was in that boat (no kisses, no dates, no nothing) until I turned 19. I understand where you're coming from when you say you're attractive and have people interested in you, but things don't work. I've been single 2 years now (since my first relationship mentioned above at age 19, lasted 7 months) but not because of lack of interest. As another poster mentioned, I can't stand the preliminaries of dating and thus avoid them at all costs, and I also don't seem to get attracted to people very often (as in maybe one person a year if I'm lucky), and chances are the one person I actually get attracted to is the one who doesn't like me back.


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b9
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14 Apr 2010, 5:59 am

Quote:
Who here has never been in a relationship?


i have no idea. i would have to know everyone on this site to answer that.



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14 Apr 2010, 7:26 am

Me.

I am getting to the point where I find it difficult to imagine ever being in a relationship. I live alone. I feel like my natural default setting is alone. It is a big scary thing for me when I start to feel attracted to someone. I don't know what to do. I dislike situations I have never been in before. I am ok once I have been through something and I understand what is expected of me. i.e. I hate the first few weeks of a new job, but after a few months have passed and I get into a routine and I know what is expected of me I feel more comfortable because I know what I am doing.

What scares me about a relationship is that if I get to the point where someone I really like, likes me too and wants to have a relationship, I won't know what to do. I expect he will be about my age he will have been in a relationship before and understand what happens, but I will be clueless.

I am beginning to think that I will never be in a relationship.

I once fell for someone I worked with. We spent almost everyday together, but never outside of the workplace. I feel broken-hearted and I miss him. We don't work together anymore and since then he is now in a relationship. I often wonder what would have happened if I had told him how I felt. But I don't seem to exude warmth or affection, so I just don't think guys can pick up on how I feel about them because they just can't see it because I can't show it.



b9
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14 Apr 2010, 7:39 am

i have nothing to offer anyone and my soul is barren.
the only person interested in me is me and i am losing interest in me as i get older.

the only thing that keeps me alive is my instinct to breathe.
it is very hard to refuse to breathe.

but i am complacent with all of that.

i am healthy enough to breathe easily and so it is no effort for me to stay alive.

i am sleep talking and i will get happier and refute this post sometime soon



DemonAbyss10
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14 Apr 2010, 9:39 am

GoatOnFire wrote:
MrDiamondMind wrote:
I have been told by a good number of people that I am very attractive, and have received many signs of high interest. It's just that I have social anxiety disorder on top of my AS, and not to brag, but also a considerably higher than average I.Q. This is what makes it so exceedingly difficult.

To answer your original question, you are not alone in this. You sound like a clone of me, same age even.

Were they doing cloning in the 80's? :pr: :pl: :huh:


oh look, another clone here as well.

I do get the attention. but I am too oblivious to act upon it. Well, that and the Social Anxiety as well. I can say I can definately loosen up a bit after a beer or two, a shot of liquor or two, after having a vicodin, or after having a small amount of hash :/

I am definately finding the whole temporary usage of controlled substances to help push yourself out of anxiety as an interesting concept. I have known people it has worked for, and so far, it has been helping here. The key is dont trash yourself, only use a small amount.


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HopeGrows
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14 Apr 2010, 10:25 am

Bataar wrote:
Honestly, the way that comes natural to me, barring any kind of social norms would be the following:

Approach girl and say Hi then ask if she likes X (X being something I'm interested in). If she says yes, I would ask a follow up question about that topic. If she said no, I would ask if she likes Y. I would repeat until either she says she does like or is interested in something that I find interesting or else I would determine that we don't share enough interests and that trying to maintain a coversation and develop something further would be an exercise in futility.

I just find it hard to believe that a girl wouldn't be weirded out by some random guy walking up to her and start asking her a bunch of check list questions.


@Bataar, your approach seems a bit limiting to me. It kinda goes back to an impression I have of some Aspie guys' approach to dating: they tend to think in terms of how they could integrate a woman into their life/interests, rather than thinking about the other side of that issue: the new interests a woman could introduce them to. I guess you have to consider if you're open to broadening your interests in order to pursue a relationship. So instead of running through your list of interests, perhaps ask the young lady about her interests? (I'm not referring to special interests here....just subjects, hobbies, etc. that you may find casually interesting.)


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machf
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14 Apr 2010, 10:43 am

therange wrote:
Ironically, focusing on your passions (whatever they are) will allow you to in time (it might be 10 years from now, but it will happen) to meet someone that's right for you.

Or it may actually prevent you from doing so. Choose those passions wisely, try to find some things to do where you'll actually have a chance to meet members of the opposite sex.

Quote:
Women at your age are just looking to "have fun."


Not all of them do, and I guess that's just the sort of woman he's looking for.
Quote:
Do you expect to marry at your age?

I guess what he wants is to start having some relationships that may eventually lead to marriage at a later time...