Fear of kissing/making out...

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To Tsiiki and Seradpi

I'm new here and at the age of 52 (married) I have a wife who is exactly the same. We're undergoing therapy for a number of issues, but I wondered how you got on Tsiiki, and Seradpi, what your researches turned up? I'd really love to know.

It is one of the things that reduces the intimacy in our lives and I wish we'd resolved this issue when we were 18. (Yes we've been together that long!)

Thanks!

I'm a Paleo-Aspie too welcome to WP!

Kissing definitely freaks me out. I'm not really the type to make-out. It seems somehow more intimate than sex itself.

Personally, I love kissing and could do it for hours. But for women, it does seem to be more intimate than sex - I've heard that many prostitutes will do anything except kiss - at least that's how it was on an old X-Files episode I remember seeing...

I can't stand physical contact, so kissing is pretty much off the table. More of a physical impediment than a fear, I think. I will just get really anxious and angry, unless I am pretty out of it. It kind of sucks...

It's a face thing, for me at least. I have issues with being touched at all, but the face even moreso. It's hard to explain.

That's actually really sad

I'd offer a (virtual) hug, but that would be counterproductive, wouldn't it?

I dislike being touched myself, especially by starngers, but in a romantic context it actually seems to add to the pleasure I feel more than it would otherwise...

Having a face that close to me would bring me a lot of anxiety... I'd hopefully be with an understanding guy who could help me through it with patient practise. XD

Ok... so... I was wondering if anyone else has this fear?

I'm completely and utterly petrified of it... ever since I was about 6 and heard about germs for the first time, stopped kissing my family members and refused to let them kiss me... and its just gotten so completely disgusting to me, that seeing it on tv makes me cringe, and reading about it, and on forums I start gagging if it gets in depth... start gagging if a dog licks me... nevertheless a human... just not going to happen >_<;;


But beyond that... its a fear, a phobia even, that I've accepted as part of me... I'm not going to suffer and try to get through it... its way too disgusting and scary and ewww... >_<! !! just accepted it as the way things are...

Unfortunately, so many people in this society seem to love doing this disgusting act, that I'm scared to date, because I don't want this situation to come up... and don't want try (and fail) to explain why I won't... nor do I want to force the other person to have to deal with it... its not their fault I'm phobic of it, and if they enjoy it, that's not fair of me to require they can't do it >_< so'd rather let them find someone else who'd be more open minded...


...least that's how I generally feel about it; unfortunately (or is it fortunately?), there's someone I like, and we're just getting closer and closer and closer... I'm not sure exactly what to do now... we aren't dating... yet... but we're hanging out a fair bit, and getting closer than mere friends... so I'm scared that this will turn into dating (despite the fact I like him, and I think he likes me... least I'm pretty sure he does)... and don't really want to let him down or get into the situation where I have to explain how I refuse to kiss...

But... I still want to hang out with him, and if it weren't for this phobia, all my other "reasons" for not dating... could be put aside and I could go through with it (because its not *JUST* kissing that makes me reluctant to date; kissing's just a very big one)... I think I could do the rest... the snuggling, and coddling, and sex even.... but not the kissing stuff... so maybe its dealable for another?

Does anyone else refuse to kiss/make out, but has a bf/gf? How'd you tell them? If not, but sympathetic/empathetic... what would you do? This guy is pretty cool (I'm... not attracted to him, physically (I'm pretty sure I'm asexual...), but emotionally/mentally he's an amazingly awesome and nice person, and he'd probably understand and go with it... but just feels... so wrong forcing a constraint on him... and I also feel like... he's a really good person... like sickeningly so... nice to everyone, good natured, never really depressed, fun, etc.... where I'm a total spazz, and try to make things funny/amusing during the day to get through (around others), but alone I'm seriously, sometimes suicidally, depressed, and just all out feel like a f*** up... so don't really want him to see my bad sides either; but one of my biggest bad sides is this... serious phobia of making out-- because its such a human activity, that most ppl do... that makes me feel subhuman >_<)

I'm scared of it, but for different reasons. I'm 31 and have never done it. I'm worried that the first time I do it, making a huge assumption that I actually do get a chance to do it someday, I'll embarass myself horribly.