Aspie women in relationships

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charade
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14 Jul 2010, 11:25 am

Kiseki wrote:

Well, I've NEVER been in a relationship. So what's wrong with me? I can't even imagine loving someone enough to give up my free time for them. Nevermind the space of my room.

This is exactly how I felt for the longest time. And then I met the guy I'm with now, and I can't believe how much happier and fulfilled I am. When the right person comes along, I feel like everything changes. You can hardly breath when they aren't with you!

Haha, oh my god, I'm disgusting.

Kiseki
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14 Jul 2010, 11:28 am

charade wrote:

Kiseki wrote:

Well, I've NEVER been in a relationship. So what's wrong with me? I can't even imagine loving someone enough to give up my free time for them. Nevermind the space of my room.

Yes, you are. I'm gonna vomit :lol:

Well, I'd LIKE to feel that some day but I guess I'm quite cynical and too used to being alone now.

happymusic
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14 Jul 2010, 11:48 am

charade wrote:

Kiseki wrote:

Well, I've NEVER been in a relationship. So what's wrong with me? I can't even imagine loving someone enough to give up my free time for them. Nevermind the space of my room.

Yes, but you are the best kind of disgusting.

Northeastern292
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14 Jul 2010, 11:58 am

bewarethebob wrote:

happymusic wrote:

Kiseki wrote:

Well, I've NEVER been in a relationship. So what's wrong with me? I can't even imagine loving someone enough to give up my free time for them. Nevermind the space of my room.

hahaha - I know what you mean. When my husband and I first moved in together we had separate rooms. Then his bed was in my room. Then we got a queen sized bed and my first thought was, "oh this is not going to work".

and whoever came up with the idea to take a slow progression like that, is a genius hahaha

I've heard people do that. I would, except I like cuddling.

bewarethebob
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14 Jul 2010, 12:01 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:

bewarethebob wrote:

happymusic wrote:

Kiseki wrote:

Well, I've NEVER been in a relationship. So what's wrong with me? I can't even imagine loving someone enough to give up my free time for them. Nevermind the space of my room.

and whoever came up with the idea to take a slow progression like that, is a genius hahaha

I've heard people do that. I would, except I like cuddling.

I like cudding too

but what has the bed size or location have to do with that?

The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Jul 2010, 12:54 pm

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

It seems aspie girls have pretty good social skills (compared to guys), and have no problem establishing and maintaining relationships, unless they weigh 400 lbs or something. There don't seem to be any single ones. That is my assessment. Any single aspie women here willing to prove me wrong?

People, society ....and men are more tolerant toward social ineptness in women , their social ineptness is often explained as shyness or timidity or even obedience , men love that. Men feel as their protectors.

On the other hand, people , society , men AND women are very intolerant toward social ineptness in man, often explain as lack of confidence or dorkness. Women feel that those men can't protect them.

I assure you that I said above is 100% true, I can even give you concrete examples:

- My coworker is female and she's the most social inept , life-inexperienced and shy person that I have ever seen : She was used to genuinely CRY and get depressed when she feels uncomfortable around people, she once cried in front of me because she was not feeling comfortable in that crowdy restaurant.

Yet , despite all the odd things she has, she had tons of bfs in the past and now she currently has a one too after only 6 months of breaking up with her ex.

I always saw socially inept girls yet with bfs.

I am socially inept like her (but I don't cry lol) and nearly life-inexperienced like her, yet I had no gf and no real relationship and I am even 4 years older than her. The only explanation of this difference is the gender.

Wrackspurt
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14 Jul 2010, 4:27 pm

Not all woman on the spectrum fit into this box you lot are attempting to create here. Am I pursued endlessly or even regularly? No. Easier for me to date if I wanted to because I'm female? No.

I'm female, grew up a tomboy (thin/modelish, not butch, but not cheerleader type) had all male friends (who told me liked me at one time or another ). I'm still alone. I choose to be to a certain extent. I simply know what I'm looking for and am willing to wait for it rather than settle. Some date anyone and try to adjust to other people, I'm not one of them. I don't fear being alone.. in fact I rather like it, if that changes I'd be all for it, but for now ... I am what I am.

mv
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14 Jul 2010, 4:31 pm

Ditto what Wrackspurt wrote. In addition, I find it very hard to form attachments to/feel affection for people unless specific circumstances are just right. People call me 'picky' but with my differences I just can't handle everyday interactions in a protracted setting.

Also, I'm in my 40's and divorced, with kids, so the dating pool is very different for me than from what I perceive others on this thread to be talking about...

bewarethebob
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14 Jul 2010, 5:28 pm

face of boo, you are very right.
Men are seen as needing to be perfect, and if they arent, no relationship for them.

hale_bopp
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14 Jul 2010, 5:35 pm

bewarethebob wrote:

face of boo, you are very right.
Men are seen as needing to be perfect, and if they arent, no relationship for them.

lol.

Its the women who are expected to be prefect before they're taken seriously. Hairless, pretty, groomed or else they "aren't attractive".

Sivri
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14 Jul 2010, 5:39 pm

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

Sivri wrote:

I've always had a lot of trouble finding a person to be with, because I don't think I am attractive at all, and it kind of shows.
But more so when a miracle do happen, I have problems with finding someone who can actually stand to be with me for longer periods of time, usually it only takes a few months before the guy is backing off. I've not been in a relationship with another aspie, but have tried a few times with a person that have had something mental. I can't say it makes it any easier, only that the persons who have something themselves seems to be more accepting and tolerant.

Compare that to me. I have never had a relationship, ever, never mind multiple ones. Most adolescent relationships only last a few months anyway, so you're no different from most neurotypicals there.

There is quite alot of adolescent relationships that lasts for like half a year up to several years, atleast thats what I can see amongst the people I know that shares my age, aspie or neotypical.
When I say that they are short, it is because the guys simply can't live with my quirks. I'm very picky with food for example, and I tend to hang in the same habits wich they find tiresome. I've been cheated on twice aswell where I haven't had a living clue they didn't feel for me anymore, untill they left me.
These days I don't feel like I want to be in a relationship, because I feel I have to tie myself down too much to one person, and depend on the person to understand me. I don't like it when people go clingy as it tends to happen when people are in love., where you constantly spend time together and talk together, I need some time/space to just disconnect from the whole social aspect and just be me.

Daemonic-Jackal
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14 Jul 2010, 5:51 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

bewarethebob wrote:

face of boo, you are very right.
Men are seen as needing to be perfect, and if they arent, no relationship for them.

lol.

Its the women who are expected to be prefect before they're taken seriously. Hairless, pretty, groomed or else they "aren't attractive".

You read far too much into media myth.

By hairless I'm also guessing you don't mean bald. :lol:

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Last edited by Daemonic-Jackal on 14 Jul 2010, 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pistonhead
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14 Jul 2010, 5:52 pm

It is true though, I don't think someone lacking in those features is attractive.

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LordoftheMonkeys
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14 Jul 2010, 6:14 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

bewarethebob wrote:

face of boo, you are very right.
Men are seen as needing to be perfect, and if they arent, no relationship for them.

lol.

Its the women who are expected to be prefect before they're taken seriously. Hairless, pretty, groomed or else they "aren't attractive".

I still think women have it more easier in this respect. It's easier for someone to make themselves better-looking than it is to improve their personality, and it's easier for women to improve their looks than it is for men. All they have to do is put on eyeliner and do their hair, while men have to spend hours every day lifting weights. And there's nothing a man can do about his face, other than I suppose put on eyeliner to go for the old androgynous look.

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Wrackspurt
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14 Jul 2010, 6:25 pm

hale_bopp wrote:

bewarethebob wrote:

face of boo, you are very right.
Men are seen as needing to be perfect, and if they arent, no relationship for them.

lol.

Its the women who are expected to be prefect before they're taken seriously. Hairless, pretty, groomed or else they "aren't attractive".

That's why not shaving our legs can make for effective birth control.

hale_bopp
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14 Jul 2010, 6:28 pm

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

it's easier for women to improve their looks than it is for men. All they have to do is put on eyeliner and do their hair, while men have to spend hours every day lifting weights. And there's nothing a man can do about his face, other than I suppose put on eyeliner to go for the old androgynous look.

Men can be hairy and not "ripped" and still get a gf.

If a girl was hairy she would repel men.

I excersise 5 times a week, weights etc, get hair ripped out painfully etc to try to look good. It is NOT easier.

There is nothing a woman can do about her face either unless she gets surgery.

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