25 Jul 2010, 8:25 pm
25 Jul 2010, 9:33 pm
25 Jul 2010, 9:36 pm
25 Jul 2010, 9:46 pm
Lene wrote:
I would have been a bit pissed off that you'd lied about never having a crush on your friend. Honesty is vital to me in a relationship, and perhaps a better response would have been to tell him to stop asking and refuse to give an answer in the first place.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
Yeah he has trust issues. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him and other things of that nature. But I felt as if I had to pay for her mistakes you know? He never trusted me in the first place, he pretty much trusts no human except his brother. He doesn't hate bisexual people or anything like that, but he was really unfair to me when he would ask me questions, and a lot of the things he said were out of line; almost as if I were an animal willing to screw any good looking person I saw.
When I was with him I didn't feel as if I was bisexual. I did lie to him about liking my friend when I was in middle school because I know he would never let me talk to her if he knew that. She is one of those once in a lifetime friends. She stuck with me through years of heavy depression and being bullied. And if he knew that I liked her years ago, he would probably always ask me questions any time I was hanging out with another female (family or not) in an interrogative manner like he did about my male friends. I'm the type of person that could never cheat on someone, but I guess that one lie made all of his suspicious resurface about the past.
Thanks everyone for the replies so far
25 Jul 2010, 9:51 pm
Ambrose_Rotten wrote:
Willard wrote:
Stellar wrote:
And surprise, he's an atheist so it puzzles me even more. Thank you.
He's an atheist and judging you for your sexuality!? Why, because being bi is a SIN? 
Bottom line: Ex lover, says he wants to be a friend, but snoops into personal information and judges you for it. If he's just a friend, why is he checking up on you, and how could this information possibly 'hurt' him in any way? If he's just a 'friend', what does he care if you make out with a giraffe? Its no skin off his nose one way or the other. This person is not your friend, and is an immature, nosy, selfish ass to boot.
Of course, if you were to learn any lesson from this, it should probably be to stop revealing personal information that you wouldn't want someone holding against you, on the internet.
Willard has a point. If he feels this "shocked" and "hurt" about information related to your love-life, it's obvious he was interested in more than just friendship.
Of course, he may just get over it... If you can get him to realize that snooping into your life isn't making him any happier, and it certainly isn't making you happier, he might give you some space.
I'm working on trying to talk to him. At first he wouldn't talk to me at all, but now he's opening up to it. I actually showed him this thread, because maybe you guys can help me to help him see another point of view. I really care about him and I want him to be happy. He's not a bad guy, just some of the things he does are a little meh..I don't know a word for it. He started smoking again and he lost a lot of weight since we broke up and I'm worried about him. So I really hope he'll let me be here for him. I'm the one who asked if we could be friends when he contacted me. But if he still has romantic feelings for me then I guess it seems unfair to ask him for that?
25 Jul 2010, 9:55 pm
25 Jul 2010, 9:56 pm
Stellar wrote:
Lene wrote:
I would have been a bit pissed off that you'd lied about never having a crush on your friend. Honesty is vital to me in a relationship, and perhaps a better response would have been to tell him to stop asking and refuse to give an answer in the first place.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
Yeah he has trust issues. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him and other things of that nature. But I felt as if I had to pay for her mistakes you know? He never trusted me in the first place, he pretty much trusts no human except his brother. He doesn't hate bisexual people or anything like that, but he was really unfair to me when he would ask me questions, and a lot of the things he said were out of line; almost as if I were an animal willing to screw any good looking person I saw.
When I was with him I didn't feel as if I was bisexual. I did lie to him about liking my friend when I was in middle school because I know he would never let me talk to her if he knew that. She is one of those once in a lifetime friends. She stuck with me through years of heavy depression and being bullied. And if he knew that I liked her years ago, he would probably always ask me questions any time I was hanging out with another female (family or not) in an interrogative manner like he did about my male friends. I'm the type of person that could never cheat on someone, but I guess that one lie made all of his suspicious resurface about the past.
Thanks everyone for the replies so far
Yeah, you're better off without him.
25 Jul 2010, 10:00 pm
25 Jul 2010, 10:05 pm
25 Jul 2010, 10:17 pm
t0
Veteran
Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 726
Location: The 4 Corners of the 4th Dimension
25 Jul 2010, 10:35 pm
25 Jul 2010, 11:43 pm
26 Jul 2010, 12:46 am
hale_bopp wrote:
t0 wrote:
Friends don't judge friends.
They do. I've judged friends of mine who have cheated on their partners.
But I think this guy is being too sensitive - obsessing over something stupid in middle school. Did you explain to him that you thought he would react negatively if you told him the truth?
I explained it to him a lot of times
I know every one is saying that I'm better off without him, but there is good about him too. I just want to try to be here for him while he's sad, if he lets me. Thanks to everyone who replied to this thread, they really helped.
26 Jul 2010, 1:30 am
26 Jul 2010, 1:35 am
26 Jul 2010, 1:40 am
Stellar wrote:
Lene wrote:
I would have been a bit pissed off that you'd lied about never having a crush on your friend. Honesty is vital to me in a relationship, and perhaps a better response would have been to tell him to stop asking and refuse to give an answer in the first place.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
But you're not dating anymore. He has no right to pry or ask questions now that you've broken up. (you could argue he never did, but I do think it's important to be honest about the past when you're dating someone).
He sounds very controlling and like he still thinks you're 'his' property. I would block him and refuse to contact him again if I were you.
edit: I answered 'maybe' just because if I asked my bf something, I would hope he would tell me the truth, not a 'white lie'. Even if I found out after we broke up, I don't know if I would feel any less betrayed.
If he's asking questions that are probing, it's because he had trust issues. Lying to someone with trust issues just makes things worse. Perhaps if you explained things as you have to us you might salvage the friendship (if you want it) but it does sound like he still wants to be more than friends.
Yeah he has trust issues. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him and other things of that nature. But I felt as if I had to pay for her mistakes you know? He never trusted me in the first place, he pretty much trusts no human except his brother. He doesn't hate bisexual people or anything like that, but he was really unfair to me when he would ask me questions, and a lot of the things he said were out of line; almost as if I were an animal willing to screw any good looking person I saw.
When I was with him I didn't feel as if I was bisexual. I did lie to him about liking my friend when I was in middle school because I know he would never let me talk to her if he knew that. She is one of those once in a lifetime friends. She stuck with me through years of heavy depression and being bullied. And if he knew that I liked her years ago, he would probably always ask me questions any time I was hanging out with another female (family or not) in an interrogative manner like he did about my male friends. I'm the type of person that could never cheat on someone, but I guess that one lie made all of his suspicious resurface about the past.
Thanks everyone for the replies so far
After reading this I am not sure anymore. In fact it's those type of people I don't trust because then I end up getting hurt by them because I find them to be judgmental and they take things the wrong way and they never listen. So I avoid them like a plague. One bad experiance was enough and I find they are messed up people and act like bullies and they can never see they were the bad guy.
