Giving up on my aspie.......

Page 2 of 2 [ 26 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Laz
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Dec 2005
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,540
Location: Dave's Toilet

04 Sep 2010, 5:21 am

This is the price you pay for putting too much emotional baggage into a future which never materialises. You have been infatuated with a fantasy and it is now dawning on you that what you have been holding out for is not going to come true.

Move on from the situation don't hold out for other people. The greatest let downs and most unreliable part of your life will always be other people, chin up, move on.

Good luck

Pandoran-March
Raven
Raven

Joined: 13 May 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 103

04 Sep 2010, 6:14 am

Justagirl wrote:

When we do try to talk, he gets nervous and has to leave when there is nothing more to say.

When talking is all we can do, we don't have much choice.

In relationships I always got around that by cuddling or making out.
When you don't know what else to say it can be a great way to express yourself.

Just be aware that you're probably going to have to make the first move in this.
I still tend to ask someone if I can kiss them before I actually do so...

_________________
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
~ Albert Einstein

Mark198423
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Jul 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,974
Location: Salford, England

04 Sep 2010, 12:02 pm

Pandoran-March wrote:

Justagirl wrote:

When we do try to talk, he gets nervous and has to leave when there is nothing more to say.

I'm like this too! Once I was comfortable with my ex, i'd often be sitting holding her or kissing her - much more than talking to her.

I'd freeze if i'd just had a nerve-wrecking conversation regarding my feelings and was expected to then make an intimate move when the conversation has dried. I'd want to but it's not in my nature. If she'd initiated it though, things would be different!

Brianruns10
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,089

04 Sep 2010, 12:30 pm

I wish i could find this guy and punch him to knock some sense into him. I'd give my soul for a girl to express the kind of affection for me that you, Justagirl, have expressed for him.

He's a damned fool, and having thought more about it, you are right to DTMFA.

I hope you find someone who can appreciate what you have to offer.

BR

Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

04 Sep 2010, 12:31 pm

Justagirl wrote:

On top of that, all of his good friends are females, and he has become very very close to one of them. It seems that they meet each other everyday.

I understand that in your situation there were other problems besides this, so this is more a general statement than something aimed at you, but I don't get what the trouble is with guys having female friends. It may be grounds to suspect something if he's seeing this one girl everyday, but unless you have evidence he's cheating on you, it's irrational to be too upset about it IMO.

More to the point, it's even more irrational to be upset by the mere fact that his good friends are females. More than that, its possessive. My good friends are females, but they're just that: friends.

Last edited by Asp-Z on 04 Sep 2010, 2:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jono
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,677
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

04 Sep 2010, 2:39 pm

Justagirl wrote:

Thank you guys so much for your empathy. It means a lot to me.

Actually the problem is not really about the "first move" as I made it clear that I adore him. However, it is that he feels pressured and cannot be himself in front of me because of the romantic attraction. When we do try to talk, he gets nervous and has to leave when there is nothing more to say. I made every attempt to be his friend first, but they failed.

It is also that his best friend is female and they hang out everyday. There is no space for me as he is not even comfortable with me on friendship level.
m
Maybe for him it's best to move to a romantic level from a friendship level, in this case, this best friend of his is a good candidate for a future marriage. They are also both classical musicians and i am not, so anyway, I will give up.

At learned a lot about Asperger's, and I am sure this would be helpful sometime!! !!

I still think you should ask him on a date if you haven't been on one. If you have a common interest with him that you can talk about, then try talking about that and then he may become more comfortable. If you want to give up though, it's your choice.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,664
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

04 Sep 2010, 2:41 pm

Justagirl wrote:

Your problem has nothing to do with AS, it's a frequent thing that happens to everyone.

Your guy had found someone else who shares his greatest interest: classical music.

Do you excel any of his interest? I doubt.

That alone would create a strong bond between them , a bond that you can't break unless.....unless if you excel in one of his interests.

I once had a crash on a doctor girl but she kept talking to this brave young doctor guy. Later, I found one that she likes him.

Me being a non-doctor, I realized that it's a lost battle already.

Justagirl
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 17 Jan 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27

13 Sep 2010, 1:23 am

So anyway, I gave up on my aspie.

But now he seems to be opening up to me and even asked me out on a night out with his friends!! !

I can totally be myself now in front of him since I stopped having any kind of expectations. I said to myself, he is not meant to be my boyfriend, so let's just be nice to him....

Then all of the sudden I noticed we are so comfortable with each other, even flrting. I said I would help him with his project he has to do for school. He even told me straught out that he is a very shy person.

I think he just needs a lot of time to get to know me and know that i am not a judgemental person and he wants to make sure i accept all he is for who he is first before taking any big steps...

Aspie_Peelo
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 7 Nov 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 1

08 Nov 2010, 9:47 pm

To justagirl: Im happy that things seem to be going good between you and your aspie =) and I hope all goes well, but if it doesn't, then you need to do whats right for you and move on (this is coming from an aspie), but before doing that, I suggest to try the "aproaching" and "initiative" method, maybe all he needs is to feel confortable with you, and all could go well..

and just so you'll know, us aspies may be different, and some things don't come as natural as to others, but we learn to adapt, cheers!

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

09 Nov 2010, 12:33 am

I think you are just going to have to be a little more explicit with him and, as others suggested, make the first move.

You don't have to jump on him and suck his tongue out of his throat, but you might take his hand and tell him the type of relationship you want to have with him and that you understand he has some difficulties and will be patient with him.

If that's what you want to do anyway.

Page 2 of 2 [ 26 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

Giving up on my aspie....... Post Reply New Topic

Giving up on my aspie.......