Being asked "What are you thinking?"

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This^

It annoys me too.

Thanks for explaining it like that.

Although I would like to think that I don't have a problem with taking things literally (because I've always understood metaphor and allegory and love puns), it's in cases like this where I realize that I do.

What I would like for NTs to understand is that for some of us, even knowing all that you said, we don't like being asked questions that we're not supposed to actually answer. It's like I'm hard-wired to answer questions whether I want to or not. If someone asks me "How are you doing?" I know most people just want me to respond "Fine, how are you?" but it takes a lot of effort not to give an honest (as I would interpret it) answer to a direct question. My saving grace is that when I am fond of a person, I'm happy to see them, and can honestly answer "Happy" whenever they ask, because I tend to live in the present- at least as far as my emotions go. So some people assume I'm one of the happiest people they know- but that's as much a reflection of how I feel about them as anything.

hey ElfMusic, I understand. Even though I am NT, I also tend to be very honest and often end up really explaining how I am doing instead of just saying "I am good". The question is: does the person in front of you know that you are an Aspie and take things literally? If that person knows and knows that you are bothered by this question, then it is not right towards you if she/he keeps asking. If not, he/she is just using a language that is used by NTs every day. This is a language that we are hard wired to use. We actually have to work to undo it. I actually wonder from a society point of you, if this type of language (the NT not so direct one) has evolved to mitigate and smooth relationships, to kind of reduce conflict. You have to admit that being direct can often cause conflicts.

Yes, it's very normal for women to ask this for a few reasons.

Whether she will admit to it or not, NT women in general have an ingrained biological instinct which is associated with maintaining the wellbeing of their mates and children.

This instinct is, getting as much information as possible on the state of the person. They would theoretically use this information to tailor to their mate or children's needs. Even if a woman isn't particularly maternal, most still have this instinct to do frequent status checks on their mates. She has a deep seated biological need to know if you are happy, sad, upset, content, depressed, etc. She also need to know your views, thoughts, and dreams for much the same reason, and also because much of a relationship for a woman revolves around the ability to have a deep intellectual and emotional connection to their partner.

Remember, men who cheat usually do it for sex, thrill, or as an escape from problems in life. Women who cheat usually do it because their partner did not full-fill them intellectually or emotionally. Sometimes they do it for the same reasons men do, but not nearly as much.

Anyway though, if you've been dating for a while and she is not the person you would share your deepest thoughts with, you might consider she may not be the person for you at all.

I am terrible at saying "What are you thinking?" I do it all the time. I cant stop. Oh well. I dont mean any harm by it.I am just really interested in what people are doing. I dont expect people to tell me about their private thoughts. I just like to talk to people and find out where they are at, and what they are finding interesting, even if it is planning to cook something, or analysing IT code... whatever. I feel lonely sometimes and want to know how someone is experiencing the world.

Hi All, thanks for all of your replies. After reading everyone's thoughts, and thinking about it some more, I think it would be helpful if she just asked me this in a different way. I know it sounds silly but if she asked me "What's on your mind?" instead of "What are you thinking?" I think it would seem a lot less intrusive to me and make me feel a lot less defensive - the former just seems like a reasonable question for normal conversation, the latter seems like an inquisition or an interrogation, at least in the tone of voice she always asks. Like really I don't mind trying to share, I just don't want it to be demanded of me.