DAMN WOMAN REJECTED ME :D

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I think in your case, acting on moral/logical ground was better than risking losing your virginity with possible risks - such as getting into a conflict with the men this girl associates with.

I was in that situation, I almost gave it up to this girl but she used me for a hotel room - twice. Now, I'll try to get a feel for a woman's intentions if it boiled down to that point.

this just makes me curious as to what your intentions towards her were?

She was drunk and making advances towards me. Me, being the somewhat socially inept but wanting to lose his virginity played along with it.

I agree,you are probably better off without her. However Ive also been through the whole flirting with you while she has a boyfriend and then ending up with someone else(usually a prick) and its hard to get over being used like that.


I hope you can find a girl who appreciates you soon(and hopefully she isnt already taken).

she got what she needed (a place to sleep) but you didn't get what you needed (to lose your virginity). I remember those days well. By the time I was desperate for a safe place to sleep I would have the boys buy me a drink until I could make myself sleep with some guy just for the opportunity to sleep in a bed, again. I often blessed those men and boys that didn't make too much of an issue of my drunken come ons and had the savvy to treat me like a sister caught in the same circumstances. Being so free to just use someone like a hotel room is usually because going home is barely an option. After a night of sleep and a hot shower and something substantial eaten, I was often much better able to be a willing companion in any sort of sexual exchange. But being honest about the relationship and keeping the expectations of such an encounter based on reality of the circumstances comes with experience.t Communicating with someone to actually agree on the parameters of that exchange before coitus actually happens, going to talk to them about ensuring proper protection is being followed for safer sex?

At the very least, had offered her a place to sleep with no intentions of taking advantage of her drunken come-ons, you wouldn't feel like she used you. No body likes feeling like that. She might not have felt like that, either but desperation makes entrepreneurs of us all.

expectations are just pre-resentments.

Merle

P.S. if it was me that slept in your room those two times without ****ing you, I apologize and thank you for your generous hospitality.

im not a virgin. I made the mistake years ago to sleep with another woman who cheated on me.

2 of my gf's cheated on me, the 3rd left me because I lost my father, and this girl who i was intrested in led me on.

maybe it's the sort of girls you chose to have relationships with, d'ya think?

Bob, that sucks. and Boo is right, she is not worth you getting upset over. Just remeber if she ever comes crawling back, show her the door. I hope you can do that for her own sake.

Damn woman was clearly all wrong for you, so you had a lucky escape!

True, don't over-generalise. Not all. But there are some men and women who are bad news (relationship-wise) to some people. Recognising that someone is unsuitable for you, because of their behaviour, attitude or motivations is a good thing! Don't be angry about it. be glad.


Do you? Really?

Perhaps what you think you are angry about is not what you actually are angry about - and perhaps being angry is not the best way to be - it is almost impossible to learn anything when influenced by disruptive emotional states, so being angry means you might not learn anything beneficial from this experience.

Do you have a right to be angry because a person is 'the way they are'?
Or are you actually angry at yourself, for mistaking (or prematurely assuming) that they were not 'the way you thought them to be'.


So she presented her interest, and you defined your boundaries. That's good.


No, it's not. You would have thought ... ie YOU assumed that she needed what you had to offer, but since she didn't take you up on your offer, she obviously was looking for something else. If she had hooked up with you, when you were not what she needed - that would have been leading you on. If she recognised and respected that your approach was not the 'drama' she wanted, then you may be over-reacting. People try each other out, to see if they fit. She recognised that you two didn't fit. That's good, isn't it?

Are you misinterpreting disappointment as anger?


Clearly she was not looking for the same thing you are - otherwise she would be with you, not with an ass.
It's really hard to imagine that not everyone wants a straight-forward uncomplicated relationship, but some people really need all kinds of drama. Many aspies learn that the hard way, and can spend years wondering why people behave the way they do.
So she wasn't the person you thought she was. She was not the kind of person you wanted her to be. And therefore she was not a person who would be good for you to be with.

It's a valuable lesson - if you learn it. Believe what people do - not what they say.
Do not turn what-ifs and possibilities into expectations. Do not place more belief into a situation than the situation deserves. If people mean what they say, they will act to demonstrate the truth of what they say.

If you think that she purposefully made statements to you that misrepresented her intentions, then yes, it is ok to be angry, to tell the person you are angry - but once you've done that you need to move on. Being angry won't change her, but it might change you, and make you less able to see the truth in people in the future. Don't let anger fester, because you will carry that with you - recognise that you were too quick to believe, and learn from it. Lose the anger, learn some caution and learn to realise that other people really do things for different reasons than you. Carry that with you, instead of anger. It might help you recognise a good person for you.

Breathe a huge sigh of relief that you didn't end up with a 'tricky' girlfriend, and set your sights on the next potential candidate to be 'the wonderful girl that bewarethebob would really like to be with'.

True.


True.


True.


True.

This is the common theme. Aspies (male and female) end up finding people (or being found by people) who are all wrong for them - and then we spend lots of thought, worry and anguish trying to figure out what went wrong.

We should put our energy into looking for (and actually plucking up the nerve to talk to) the good people, not trying to figure out the wrong ones.

Im angry about who she is, not at myself.

but otherwise yeah. pretty much. I do have a right to be angry, may not be worth it, may not be logical, but I definatly have a right to be.

But yes, the common theme, wrong woman for me.
lesson learned. moveing on.

But yeah, I do count this as leading me on. and I do believe that I CAN in fact b***h about the fact she chose an ass over me hahahaha.

wont help, but makes me feel better.

I read all the posts, but I have to admit I am still a little confused. She sounds wacky though and she probably has terrible self esteem. I'd avoid her like the plague. I hope the next one works out better.

Agreed