This is what I hate most about my AS.

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Women usually don't have the same problems as men, i.e. they are forced to socialize by guys hitting on them all the time from very early on, guys are not. Most AS guys are shy/lonely loser type, like any girl is going to go for that. I have a theory that the better looking, less fat and less fashion inept the AS guy is, the better his life turns out.

Major problems in guys are:

-Lack of social skills required to initiate bonds with females in order to acquire sex and companionship.
-Bullied at school
-hates school because work is boring and/or is picked on every class
-Fucked up parental upbringing

I'm sure there's more but those are a few ones that stick out to me. Does anyone know of any suicidal aspie girls/teens or women?

Many parents of AS children are nutjobs themselves, or have a history of nutjobs in their family. My mother and grandmother are part of a christian cult for instance.

This makes things more difficult.. being 'hit on' isn't always done in a nice way. Sometimes the gesture is used to dominate rather than 'woo'. I was also a late bloomer so it wasn't till after highschool that men expressed any interest in me.

Vice verser.. I don't understand why it's assumed aspie women aren't shy and awkward. Guys might not mind this trait in women but they are more likely to be either really protective of her [they find it indearing] or they might abuse her [easy to dominate]. Aspies can be very vulnerable relationship wise regardless of gender.

That may also be one peticular type of AS rather than an image thing.

I've had all of these problems in excess.. especially the getting picked on part. I also had selective muteness which prevented me defending myself.

I have been one.

True. My family is full of musos, photographers and.. beekeepers. I turned out to be an artist [the last one was a great aunt]. We are all very different from eachother but all eccentric.

I've read that female aspies tend to be able to cover up their differences better. Some of this may be related to how girls are socialised. For example, a girl might have obsessions but they're more likely to be directed at people than objects or abstract topics if this is how they've been brought up.

But as to whether aspie females are better able to adapt and be mentally healthy, I think it's a bit short-sighted when conclusions are drawn on the basis of suicide statistics alone, or on external appearances. Suicide and mental health issues are often assumed to correlated but they're not. More males commit suicide than females but the overwhelming majority of people presenting with mental illnesses are female. Also, people can cover up their problems very well if they've been taught to repress their true feelings - and I assume many aspies are taught this, and some may take it too far. But going by the text in question - Tony Attwood's for Parents and Professionals book, it seems that these conclusions are indeed being made on short-sighted observation. The general consensus is that female aspies have a better prognosis, but how is this conclusion is reached? As far as I'm aware, most research into AS doesn't even acknowledge the existance of adult aspies, so how can anyone know for sure the answer to this?

Mordy you said "Most AS guys are shy/lonely loser type, like any girl is going to go for that."

It really annoys me how so many people on this board make broad generalizations about people with AS based on gender, so that they fit the image they have of themselves. If you think you are a shy loser type (somehow I think you do) feel free to say that, but don't stereotype others. I think it's discouraging to people who read these boards and it doesn't contribute anything to the discussion. Also I don't see how a guy who has never met a female with AS can make broad statements about how women with AS are. IF a women wants to say she feels a certain way about herself, fine, but I don't think anybody is interested in reading one guy's stereotypical, uninformed view of the world.

yeah me 2 b-cause i don't even have a gf yet! and my mission this summer is 2 find a summer love b4 the summer ends

Look AS is based around social difficulties, these communication difficulties effect your relationships and how others percieve you. And I made a general comment that aspie women are forced into more opportunities for socialization simply by being women, if you doubt this, go ask any moderately attractive woman how many times she's been hit in during the week. Even ugly girls get lots of responses, and do not have problems acquiring sex.

Women have more opportunities for socialization then guys, simply by being women inour culture, if you doubt this, you're simply being dishonest. I was not trying to stereotype everyone, but I've met enough aspies to know that many aspies fall along certain lines because of their socialization difficulties.

I didn't say women with AS are perfect, but the primary problem of aspie males is having a significant other, the literature documents that many asperger men have problems with starting and maintaining relationsips. The fact is there is probably a large population of AS women who will never be diagnosed simply because they've been more or less largely socialized to the point where it's not a hindrance in their lives.

I tried to commit suicide, and I might eventually commit suicide in the future. My depression is just too raw. Depression is just a cover for loneliness and that what it is, it is not a chemical imbalance in the brain, exercise and diet cannot help with this type of depression simply because it cannot help with loneliness.

Meditation might be an answer, it certainly is better then many NTs prescription of commonsense ideas like being happy about being single with the freedom. I am an aspie I like programming a lot. Of course I would like to spend all day and all night programming on a computer, but the pain of loneliness does not allow me to do this I have to find it looking for someone, it is expansive and depressing and I have to smile all through it and pretend I am enjoying myself.

The question is how old are you, what do you have going for you, do you socialize often, etc... do you still have depression, or how did you solve your problems? Just because you've attempted suicide gives you some idea about what its like, it still doesn't give you the full perspective of what its like to live in another persons body with different chemistry.

yep



Or, where it is a hindrance but not a disabling one. They just think they're kinda socially dense.

Being one of those guys I'm not so sure about that, if anything I think there's two other types of guys who will always do better than me regardless of how much I might be able to ratchet up social skills, prove my maturity, my masculinity, or whatever:

1). The AS guy who's ultra straight-edge, dresses the part, looks the part, and pretty much the classic nice guy going for the classic nice girl, odds are he'll probably find his future wife in church if he's inclined in that direction and likely she'll be one of those really cute fair yuppy red-heads or blondes who's ultra nice and compassionate. A lot of guys who are in this situation are in the reciprocal to where I'm at - they often have a hard time making friends but ending up with girlfriends tends not to be as tough. My hypothesis on these guys is they're exactly what they look like, the women who take an interest are getting exactly what they bargained for on first glance, and the messages of identity all line up and check out to where AS itself doesn't throw up as much turbulance.

2). The guy who's all about the superficials, low emotional quotient, little or no depth, real cheeseball sense of humor (mixed with lack of understanding and condescending attitude toward people who aren't keeping their view of the world that simple) - lots of women love that in NT guys and it might stand to reason that a lot of the aspie guys who are like that might be some of the first served. I don't think its shallowness in women, just that they prefer guys who can make em laugh a lot, will spit out jokes and do stupid things even if they crash and burn at it it's better than nothing and even confidence founded in blindness to what's going on around you is better than awareness and less confidence - and again, they're AS is hidden in a way to where they're acting and thinking like NT's, the AS just accentuates certain things but not too much else - everything pretty much checks out.

ie. it seems like the more inside the box your personality is and the more you just fit an archetype which your AS traits are something that's just expected of you via who you come off as being then your going to probably attract exactly who would want you in the first place and of course any of the crap you might throw at em they already had worked into the math before the relationship even started just because they knew what they wanted and saw it spelled out real clear and concise.

As for the guy with AS who does a good job of passing himself off as being in the cool crowd but has to work hard to cover up his moments when his nervous system just won't let it happen, the guy who might be innocent cute outwardly but have that center where he's craving the harder side of life, the guy who maybe comes off like he should be in group 1 that I listed above but hangs with the thugs and stoners and kinda is one at heart, it's far more than likely going to happen that the women who would have wanted him for who he is inside will probably dislike him on first glance and by the time they figure out what his personality is - too late, damage already done. That and the girls who go for that first group might find him adorable untill they find out...oh, he parties with so-in-so and has done or tried x, y, and z drugs and listens to x y and z styles of music - I guess he's not nice after all... lol, crazy enough this is a society where if you have AS it seems like its really hard to get approval from the opposit sex unless you wear the whole hat and act like who you look like you should be on first glance, listen to the type of music that someone who you look like should by stereotype, have the type or personality that a person who looks like you should by stereotype, and in general live the life 360 that people think you would at a first glance. Probably sounds pretty wack but from my own experience it seems like getting into the relationship world is a 'how far inside the conformist box are you' kind of game. When you have a lot of layers and complexity to your personality with AS and especially if you talk from your head rather than your gut (ie. base your conversations or jokes off tangible angles but can't come up with the random emotional dialog other people do) you as much in sh-- creek as the guys who are real obesquious, still 8 in the head, and funny thing is they still might have a girlfriend before you ever will because compassion might grab someone with their regard and they'll probably be less picky, in your spot you'll care too much about what the quality of what your getting, the intangibles and subliminal quirks will fry you when it comes to the kind of woman you want, and in the end you could easily go all the way to the grave by yourself - whether thats a good or bad thing though when you really think about the realities of our society, hard to say.

yeah me 2.......

This is exactly the same with me.



Same here.

I know more girls with ASD that have had mental breakdowns then men. that isn't to say that men don't its to say women are more prone to things like depression and ASD just esaperates that! also having men hit on you is hard because i cant' read peoples faces or body i can't understand the motive a man has on me. I can't read there faces or body meaning i can't tell when a man likes me. i also can't read situations so i have been in vunrable situations with men that i regrette. at the end of the day it not that one sex is better at socilizing then the other its that we have different social rules. like it must be hard for men to know where the line is to how far you touch a man that slap on the sholder is meant to be a good thing? But for women just imagine guys if you had to be carful with everyone person of the opposite sex as your behavious could be mis read. Im not even safe with people at church beleive i have had 68 year old men offer me sex outwardly/ then i have the problem of not knowing what to say to such things. And not only that is im so vunrable that i don't often trust men on the whole. Being a girl i feel vunrable. but not no more then men just in different areas. I can display emotions but often the worng ones to how i feel and i am affectionate but dn't know where to stop. I don't know how to have a relationship and i tend to try and keep out of crowded situations. its not like my ASD really means im more vunrable form a normal person without asd. I just have different challenges. i don't tend to fancy people as well i have to train myself to feel sexual towards a man and then its hard to turn that off. (feeling sexual is different to being sexual) i don't tend to have sex with the boyfriends i go out with and feel if i was in that sort of realtioship i would be so obsessed with STD'S that it drive him crazy. but so called normal girls are in a different possition and often get themselves into more trouble then i have ever. like getting pragnant at an ealiy age peer presure with drugs i never had anyof that cos i didn't understand how to fit into the norm so didn't bother about what other people thought of what i ware of behaive,. people thought i was backward cos i sway but was confused cos im bright. even tho being a quiet sort of person i am bubble and outgoing and tend to love others but people often take the mick out of that. i dunno its hard for us all

I was like jmoney

Had friends I went out with but could not bond with a girl. Eventually found one (she found me really).

techstepgenr8tion
I am your type 1 kind - very strait edged "stick in the mud". My wife is a red-head too.

What I hate most is not being able to have a good argument/fight with her. She might lash out if she is upset about something, but I don't see she is upset and just needs a hug or I take things the wrong way and it escalates. When I found out about AS I felt sad for her.

Mordy wrote:
I have a theory that the better looking, less fat and less fashion inept the AS guy is, the better his life turns out.
Mordy's theory fits me too. If my fashion is inept, it is too formal.

I hate I have to work so hard at maintaining friends/acquantances. It seems they never call first. I have too. Then I worry I dag them too much.

I'm female and I've had all of those problems (except for the last one) (if you substitute the word "males" for "females" in the first sentence. Why should those problems be exclusive to males?
If anyone thinks that the first one shouldn't be a problem for me because guys should/would approach me, i have 2 things to say
1. Bulls***
2. In high school, most of the boys (and girls) thought I was a freak and would never have approached me. Even if they had, I would have wanted nothing to do with the majority of them.

Both of these types of men sound awful. I am completely repelled from the first type of person and just uninterested in the second type. Both types are, of course, low on emotional intelligence and depth.