How did you find girlfriends

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No idea! When I finally find one, I'll let you know how!

Well not much really goes on on facebook. Or at least not that I've seen. It can be useful though to keep in touch with people, and people can find you through it and get in contact if they want to. Doesn't take much time or effort to maintain an account and check it now and then.



Maybe learning some body langauge/social skills is something you need to do. You can 'disarm' people's vigilance by making appropriate, friendly actions.

I respect your pragmatism, but I don't think I could date someone I wasn't attracted to at all. There has to be at least something there, and I'm thinking maybe that's what you mean -- that they weren't your first pick, but that they were good enough. Am I right?

Yep -- anything of value is usually going to be a lot of work -- you get out of life what you put into it. I would say this also applies to your issues finding a job -- if you are consistently getting turned down, it's time to turn to an outside expert to see what you might be doing wrong. How you dress, how you talk in the interview, how you answer the questions -- it all makes a difference, and none of us are born knowing this, we have to learn from other people. I hope this doesn't sound condescending or patronizing, but sometimes we don't know when to look for help from an expert when we badly need it.

On that same point -- Any woman you date after college is going to want a guy with a job, so it is best to get on top of this now. Women want a guy with a job who can provide for the eventual family, or who can at least pay for their half of the date (and preferably pay for the whole dinner/outing). I stress this because I see the same theme here from Aspie guys who aren't gainfully employed, yet wonder why they don't have a GF.

Your musical tastes sound very familiar to my own, a bit ecclectic -- yes, it is somewhat of a social handicap to not like R&B/hip-hop, but I predict that as you get older, you may find that your musical tastes further expand to like even that. In the interim, there are definitely women out there with those same eclectic tastes -- you have to go out and find them.

I hope I came off above - I don't mean to lecture or condescend, I just remember having exactly the same problem you have right now, and the pain and misery I went through.

I think you will find that once you get out of the under-25 age bracket (assuming you are younger than 25), and get a good job, it gets a lot easier to find a woman who wants you for you. Others will chime in and disagree at this contention, but I think that if you really grill them, you'll find that many of them don't do what it takes to get what they want. You want to make an omelet, you need to break some eggs.

You've made some interesting points here though in Engand I've seen plenty of girls going out with men who don't work (because they're lazy and can't be bothered). Of course, women like that are not really going to suit me. I'm getting the job issue sorted anyway and should be able to get something - even if it's voluntary work - before I've graduated from university.



Maybe it is a social handicap for me but I'd rather work harder for a woman who shares the same tastes/values as me than lower my standards just for the sake of the majority.

That aside, it looks like most people who replied to this thread have been successful with online dating. I guess this is going to be a game of failing 100 times in order to succeed once (not that I have anything against that).

Yes! This is one of my themes. Most guys who don't have a GF don't meet nearly enough women. The success rate for most guys in terms of eligible women they meet, I estimate, it anywhere between 1-5% for most. Meaning, out of all of the women you meet who are in the age range you want, what you look for, etc., maybe 10 out of 100 will actually be interested in you, and out of that group, maybe 5 are ones you are interested in.

Want success? Make it a point to meet as many women as you can, and don't get hung up on a certain one until she shows some promise.

"Good enough" is very close, but not 100% right. It's related to something you yourself pointed out in another thread. Namely, it's completely unrealistic for a guy with plain looks and subpar social skills to seek out a socially popular, model looking girl. I was well aware of that since puberty kicked in, but didn't fully implement my current girlfriend-seeking method until year 2004. I now go for girls who I expect to be in the same situation as me, as far as the dating life is concerned. It took me years to perfect my method, and even now, it has flaws, but it serves me well enough. I had a few great relationships, where I got plenty of physical affection and more, and gave great romance and commitment in return.

My method can be explained by a TCP/IP analogy. Much like a DNS server or a hosts file maps domain names onto IP addresses, I have the ability to map my responses to stereotypical "hot" girls onto girls who are in my league. 'Cause the only alternative is being alone for a long time. With all that said, I never use those girls for sex, although I do expect it in the relationship. (Never had a girl withhold it.) As long as the relationship lasts, I see being romantic as my responsibility as a boyfriend, thus providing the best relationships they can find.

I got my first three dates over OKcupid.com. None of them lasted long, but they were valuable learning experiences. My current girlfriend of almost 2 years, I met in person, by chance, through a former roommate.

I was attracted to her because she shared some of my interests and also thought for herself. She is a strong woman, and sweet and adorably dorky at the same time. She's also studying the same thing as I am -- electrical engineering. How often can you find a girl like that?

This is interesting even though your maths is a bit patchy. 1-5% = as much as 1 in 100 or as little as 1 in 20. I would be pretty happy if my success rate was as much as 5% or 1 in 20. When it comes to what girls like you and which of those you would stick with, that never happens to me because I won't chat to a girl (online or IRL) if I don't like her in the first place.



In my city? Does not compute. Though I wish finding the right woman was as easy as matching hostnames to IP addresses. Sadly, not all the single women in the world are on the same online dating site. In my opinion, some of the best ones are just too shy to go out and meet other people.