Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Girl's interested in me, advise please!

Page 2 of 2 [ 29 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

Janissy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 May 2009
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,450
Location: x

05 Nov 2010, 3:39 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Find something to do together, like homework, so you have something to talk about and you won't have to engage her in smalltalk. Common interests or common tasks are crucial, or you'd just sit there awkwardly silent.

.


This is a good idea. Also the other idea about asking her about herself. Telling her that you aren't that good with smalltalk is a gamble. It could be endearing. It could be refreshingly honest. It could be off-putting. It all depends on the girl. But doing stuff together (like homework) and asking her about herself are safe bets.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

05 Nov 2010, 3:42 pm

cmjust0 wrote:
Asp-Z wrote:
Found out today that a girl a year above me in college is interested in me! Hell yeah! :P


I just noticed this...so, you're in college? How old are the two of you?


I'm 16, she's either 17 or 18.

Janissy wrote:
Dilbert wrote:
Find something to do together, like homework, so you have something to talk about and you won't have to engage her in smalltalk. Common interests or common tasks are crucial, or you'd just sit there awkwardly silent.

.


This is a good idea. Also the other idea about asking her about herself. Telling her that you aren't that good with smalltalk is a gamble. It could be endearing. It could be refreshingly honest. It could be off-putting. It all depends on the girl. But doing stuff together (like homework) and asking her about herself are safe bets.


Thanks :)



Dilbert
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,728
Location: 47°36'N 122°20'W

05 Nov 2010, 3:59 pm

Janissy wrote:
Dilbert wrote:
Find something to do together, like homework, so you have something to talk about and you won't have to engage her in smalltalk. Common interests or common tasks are crucial, or you'd just sit there awkwardly silent.

.


This is a good idea. Also the other idea about asking her about herself. Telling her that you aren't that good with smalltalk is a gamble. It could be endearing. It could be refreshingly honest. It could be off-putting. It all depends on the girl. But doing stuff together (like homework) and asking her about herself are safe bets.


Yes! Some women would run away (often literally!) from a guy with poor social or communication skills. Others would find it cute. :) Others still would hold onto such a guy because they were cheated on in the past and they are looking for someone who would be more loyal. Everyone is different.

Actually... OP if you want to turn this into something long term you might as well tell her early because she will figure it out herself anyway. Not a direct bombshell like "I'm socially awkward and my communication skills suck! Yay me!" No. You could say something like: I'm a little shy and it takes me a while to warm up to people. Which is true.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

05 Nov 2010, 4:06 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Janissy wrote:
Dilbert wrote:
Find something to do together, like homework, so you have something to talk about and you won't have to engage her in smalltalk. Common interests or common tasks are crucial, or you'd just sit there awkwardly silent.

.


This is a good idea. Also the other idea about asking her about herself. Telling her that you aren't that good with smalltalk is a gamble. It could be endearing. It could be refreshingly honest. It could be off-putting. It all depends on the girl. But doing stuff together (like homework) and asking her about herself are safe bets.


Yes! Some women would run away (often literally!) from a guy with poor social or communication skills. Others would find it cute. :) Others still would hold onto such a guy because they were cheated on in the past and they are looking for someone who would be more loyal. Everyone is different.

Actually... OP if you want to turn this into something long term you might as well tell her early because she will figure it out herself anyway. Not a direct bombshell like "I'm socially awkward and my communication skills suck! Yay me!" No. You could say something like: I'm a little shy and it takes me a while to warm up to people. Which is true.


Seeing as she's interested in me, I doubt she has much problem with socially awkward/shy guys TBH, especially since we've never really talked before today so she must have started liking me when she saw me just sitting alone on the computer, since that's what I do all day when I'm not in lessons :P



Dilbert
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,728
Location: 47°36'N 122°20'W

05 Nov 2010, 4:13 pm

Cool!

Remember, being confident is the most important thing!

Don't stammer and look away when you are asking her out. Don't act guilty. Don't act as if she's got something you want.

She wants to get to know you too! Act as if you've got something she wants. 8)



Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

05 Nov 2010, 6:04 pm

Pistonhead wrote:
Stick it in the hole! Oh wait you said a girl was interested in you not that you needed help resetting your Tamagotchi :lol:


I wish I had my Tamagotchi, I would totally play with it now. :lol:


OP, I agree with emlion. I think the whole, "I dunno what to say" is kind of charming. It lets her know that you're nervous, which could put her at ease since she's interested and wondering what you think of her. Go for it dood! :)



Faidin
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 105
Location: Oklahoma

05 Nov 2010, 6:38 pm

Yep, but since she is interested - don't forget to make your 'move' in the sense she is probably going to expect at some point.



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

05 Nov 2010, 11:19 pm

cmjust0 wrote:
Something that most women -- in my experience, anyway -- absolutely DO find attractive is honesty. It's not like he has to say "Please don't take my silence as a lack of interest," nor does he have to say "I dunno what to say."

How about "chit chat blah blah blah...blah....soooo, yeah.......awkward silence....smile...eye contact...."Sorry...I've never been very good at this sorta thing"...laughter...

I don't think I know a woman who wouldn't find that "cute," and if they don't, then they're probably not gonna work out for him anyway.

YES. endearing. like a puppy. awwwww, shucks.

cmjust0 wrote:
I'm awkward, and I'm not super attractive or anything, but I've never had much trouble getting into relationships.. I'm 32, I've been married twice, and both my wives were HOT. I never really thought to try and hide or "overcome" my awkwardness.. I just own it and try to keep a sense of humor about it...if you can laugh at yourself, other people will laugh *with you* and women like a guy they can laugh with. So, own it..

Actually, don't just own it -- rock the f*ck out of it. Case nobody's noticed (despite the countless wildly-popular Aspie derived TV characters these days like House, Bones, that guy from Criminal Minds, etc) awkward people are totally "in" these days. :)

ROCK IT.

yes, my husband (NT) has dyslexia and used to have social phobia/anxiety. he worked his awkwardness to the hilt, and it was very effective. he still gets women to do stuff for him all the time. he flirts by drawing attention to his imperfections somehow.

cmjust0 wrote:
ETA -- I think this post is really the result of seeing thread after thread after thread of one spectrum person giving another spectrum person advice to NOT be themselves.. Not being yourself won't cure awkwardness -- it will lead to more awkwardness. So, be yourselves, people. Get to know yourselves, and accept yourselves, and keep a sense of humor about your differences, then BE YOURSELVES. Genuine people appreciate other genuine people, no matter if they're NTs or Aspies or whatever...

Be genuine, and you'll be more comfortable, and more comfort usually leads to less awkwardness. :)

agreed. really, really good advice.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

05 Nov 2010, 11:22 pm

oh, and Asp-Z... yay for you!! !! ! :cheers:


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

06 Nov 2010, 5:05 am

Thanks everyone! :)



Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

06 Nov 2010, 8:35 am

Asp-Z wrote:
Thanks everyone! :)


No problem. Go get her, tiger! :wink:



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

09 Nov 2010, 10:26 am

Just to update everyone: I haven't been able to talk to her because I haven't seen her around (and thanks to my Aspieness, I might not even remember her face when I do see her :oops: ), but she's added me on Facebook, so I wrote "Hey :)" on her wall and she liked it.



Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

09 Nov 2010, 2:12 pm

Asp-Z wrote:
Just to update everyone: I haven't been able to talk to her because I haven't seen her around (and thanks to my Aspieness, I might not even remember her face when I do see her :oops: ), but she's added me on Facebook, so I wrote "Hey :)" on her wall and she liked it.


Awwww, how cute. Well, Facebook can be a valuable tool so maybe you could use it to possibly arrange a meeting of some kind. ^_^