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its all new to me

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CrinklyCrustacean
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11 Nov 2010, 3:55 am

roadGames wrote:
I think the big question is: have you had sex with her yet?

If not, then she's not your girlfriend yet (unless she's a virgin and really inexperienced). Date her for at least a few more weeks (go on many dates) and bang it out a few times. If you think you love her, then ask her if she wants to try a relationship with you.


Sex is neither a good test of, nor a good foundation for, a relationship.

cmjust0 wrote:
As others mentioned, what you want to work toward is an unspoken understanding that you're seeing each other exclusively. You'll eventually have the DTR -- "Define The Relationship" -- talk. It's a talk that every "adult" couple has, whether they realize it or not. The DTR is almost never a straight-up talk...sometimes it's just the guy or gal saying they're glad the other's their girlfriend/boyfriend and then holding their breath...and sometimes it's a huge fight because the guy's casually introduced the woman he's been dating for MONTHS as his "friend."


All that hurt could have been prevented by asking the question directly.



Aspie1
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11 Nov 2010, 8:39 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Sex is neither a good test of, nor a good foundation for, a relationship.

That's where you're mistaken. Sex may not be a good foundation, but it's a great test. Unlike men, who, in desperation, might have sex with any woman who offers it, regardless of his feelings toward her, women will NEVER have sex with a man they're not attracted to, unless he's filthy rich, and even then, it's attraction to wealth. So, if the OP already had sex with the girl he's dating, only then he can be 100% sure that she likes him, and is therefore safe to consider his girlfriend. If you think sex is too intimate to be a test, French kissing is a good benchmark too, because the same concepts would apply. If they at least kissed, then she likes him; otherwise, it's questionable.

I'm now at a point where I "require" kissing no later than the second date (third date if the dates are less a week apart). Taking the above concepts into consideration, it's designed to prevent myself from wasting time on a girl who may like me only as a friend.

I suppose that this is one of the areas where men have an advantage. If something physical is happening, a man can be assured that the woman likes him. But a woman would need to wonder whether then man's feeling are genuine or desperation-driven.



cmjust0
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11 Nov 2010, 10:13 am

roadGames wrote:
I think the big question is: have you had sex with her yet?

If not, then she's not your girlfriend yet (unless she's a virgin and really inexperienced). Date her for at least a few more weeks (go on many dates) and bang it out a few times. If you think you love her, then ask her if she wants to try a relationship with you.


So your idea of the natural progression is sex, then love, THEN a relationship?

:roll:



cmjust0
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11 Nov 2010, 10:14 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
cmjust0 wrote:
As others mentioned, what you want to work toward is an unspoken understanding that you're seeing each other exclusively. You'll eventually have the DTR -- "Define The Relationship" -- talk. It's a talk that every "adult" couple has, whether they realize it or not. The DTR is almost never a straight-up talk...sometimes it's just the guy or gal saying they're glad the other's their girlfriend/boyfriend and then holding their breath...and sometimes it's a huge fight because the guy's casually introduced the woman he's been dating for MONTHS as his "friend."


All that hurt could have been prevented by asking the question directly.


Agreed...which is why I started that post with:

cmjust0 wrote:
What's ironic is that being "too mature" to ask almost always leads to a bunch of ret*d awkwardness that *would* be better solved by simply asking "Will you be my girlfriend?"


:D



killernat
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11 Nov 2010, 5:19 pm

i dont like the idea of sex being the base or test of a relationship mostly because im picky about sleeping with girls i want a relationship with (no she is not a virgin)(i have fooled around with girls in the past but i didn't want a relationship)
it does make a good bench mark of a relationship but due to school (we go to two separate colleges) and live far apart so we really cant get together more than once a week but we are talking constantly via IM



killernat
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15 Nov 2010, 1:24 am

well any way i basically just asked her
"is it ok if i concider you my girl friend"
it was just a little awkward but she responded by saying that she wanted to ask me too so it went well and it was very nice the rest of the night



cmjust0
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15 Nov 2010, 12:45 pm

Hey, man...whatever works. :D