If a partner doesn't lead to happiness...

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A partner doesn't bring happiness. Look at the average married couple, and then try and tell me with a straight face that a partner brings happiness. The married couple will claim they are happy, but everyone can see they aren't. Marriage is religious in scope, so if you aren't a superstitious person, then marriage will not bring happiness. Maybe a partner will, but how many partners are OK with just being partners? Even dating someone is stressful. Do this, do that. If I really care about someone, I'll help them because I care about them, not because I'm obligated since we are "official" True benevolence does not come with any incurring debt, cost, or any other form of obligation. Too much stress.

If you aren't satisfied with who you are, you will never be happy. And if you don't know who you are, then you can't be satisfied, right?

someone once told me about getting my first kiss

"it will happen when you least expect it"
for awhile, I didn't really buy it, then it happened, I am still single, but these little steps have really made me smile in the past few days
when you're desperate people know, and they don't like it, and I had no thoughts that day to try and hook up, and I was gifted, not once but twice.
a girlfriend isn't like a dragonball, she won't wish away your problems and you two will be happy, you need to get out in the world and meet people, make mistakes and learn
yeah I don't know the name of the girl who I got my first kiss from but I don't really care, it was the fact it happened and I got it to happen, she wanted to kiss me, and that feeling was better then the actual kiss itself
(second base however...I donno lol)

Being promoted at work makes me feel happier and fufilled.
See - more than my relationship makes me realise i'm a good person or whatnot!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

And I'm happy that I'm doing well in my classes, despite the heavy workload. I managed to pass all my senior comprehensive exams and secured an internship. Go me.

*UT3 Announcer voice* THREADJACKED!

Weewooweewooo. Sorry to threadjack. *hands thread back to Toad*

& Yayay, Erisad!

Yeah, sorry Toad. D:

I know, it makes me so happy. ^.^

We shall be good girls now.
Much love for Toad as an apology.
:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

I think it's true for most people that having someone in your life makes you feel more at ease and more fulfilled. Telling you to immerse yourself in your passions is decent advice, since in the meantime, until you find someone who makes you feel appreciated, it's something you can devote your attention to and that can give you some satisfaction. But all you can do to alleviate this normal and expected feeling of loneliness and detachment is to just keep looking, as discouraging as it may be. there's someone out there for everyone, as trite as that may sound.

Keep in mind, though, that other people want to be with you if there's something in it for them. What you really want, I think, is to connect with someone so you can fulfill their needs for appreciation and companionship, and not only yours. With that in mind, you can try to approach meeting someone with the mindset that you have something to offer them and that you want to give them, like your caring and companionship, and I think you will find that to be the most useful approach. If you are down on yourself and don't feel that you have anything to offer, that will make the path more difficult. So, be kind to yourself first.

Yes, and that's why I worry about them.



As someone else has said in some other thread, for various reasons girls with low self-esteem can still attract certain kind of people but not guys with low self-esteem. I don't want to get into another argument about who has it easier men or women, but I really think unless Toad comes into terms with the fact he may be single for the rest of life, life for him will suck big time.

To all those telling me to seek help: I've been going to a therapist weekly for 8 months now, but it doesn't seem to be helping my actual state. What it is good for is that it gives me someone that I can speak to confidentially and won't judge me (like a few people on this forum tend to do whenever I post).

It's a little bit of both actually. I give everything I can at my church. For a while that in and of itself was enough. But slowly over time, people increasingly took me for granted. I'm ready to give everything I have into a relationship, and all I want is some token shred of appreciation that what I'm doing has an impact. Is that too vampiric for you?

I don't want to do any drugs. I was on Prozac for 2 years in high school, and it felt me feel "fake happy", that is, happy for no reason. And it felt particularly uncomfortable to feel that way. Compare that to when I had a relationship last year: it was the same feeling of happiness, but it felt genuine. I had someone to offer my heart to, and who genuinely appreciated me for me, as opposed to just what I can do.

I'm a guy that will work for appreciation (that said, money is always nice). I was more passionate about my technical work when people were always thanking me for my time. The passion died out when people just started assuming I could just handle it.

Except now you just sound like a douchebag... I don't want to be one of those. I live in New Jersey, after all... I don't want to become the stereotypical New Jerseyan...


Pictured above: a stereotypical New Jerseyan...


Don't worry about it. Just try to not get too bubbly in this thread... to me it just feels like you're rubbing it in. Other than that, you're always welcome

So you think you are better than me now huh? Are stereotypical New Jerseyans happy?

Watch Jersey Shore and decide for yourself. Or don't... you'll save brain cells that way.

Believe me I wouldn't watch anything on MTV unless I just wanted to watch horrible acting and scripting for the lulz.

Seriously though, take it into consideration. If you can't beat the happy jerks, join them.

Look at someone like "The Situation", he's an idiot who probably couldn't do most things to save his life yet women FLOCK to him and are ready to give them the only thing valuable they have (affection/sex/love).

Why is that?

As for New Jersey, it is probably my least favorite state, right up there with Massachusetts.

Having a partner does not lead to happiness.

Last edited by RICKY5 on 17 Nov 2010, 7:04 am, edited 2 times in total.

I think haveing a partner can bring satisfaction in the way that haveing children can, in that it fulfills a human need and gives one companionship and a loving interaction. However just as people are happy (and often more so) without children people can be happy with out relationships.

I find following zen principles of trying to be in the 'present moment' that is trying not to worry or think about the past or the future but keep bringing ones thoughts back to what one is doing, very helpful. When I feel bad I often find it helpful to go into nature, the garden or a walk and I look at the little birds and their bright eyes and vigorous life and it makes me feel happy.

You might find Vicktor Frankls book 'mans search for meaning' helpful as he talks about how he found meaning and bits of joy in a concentration camp. That was very helpful to me as if he could be positive about that then I have no excuses not to find the joy in the little things.

I think looseing love and heart break and unrequited love are very painful experinces which hurt so badly but just not haveing someone is not so bad. I dont know any solutions to the pain of heart break except to carry on as best as one can untill the wound heals.