How to improve your chances with women.

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I think there is a direct correlation between introverted men with low self-esteem and depression and wanting a girlfriend. (Disclaimer: I'm not saying the only guys that would ever want a girlfriend are clouded by low self-esteem and depression.) However, from what I noticed on this board and other boards, they seem to have false idea of what a relationship entails.

A few years ago when I was still depressed, I told a girl I was talking to online about my problems, and she told me that it would turn most women off at this age because they're looking for fun. I didn't understand what she meant at the time, but after being around women, now I do. Contrary to what the media wants you to believe, young women want a fun, confident guy that they can share memories with and go out with on weekends and stuff like that.

I have an online friend (who I've met before in person too) that's been dating a guy for over a year. She mentioned how eventually she wants to move to LA. I asked her what the bf thought about that. She said 'I don't want to think about that now. Him and I aren't permanent, we're just having fun, and when the time comes, we'll discuss it." This is a very high-class woman, too.

This mythical girlfriend for the depressed, LSE Aspie male, doesn't exist. And the irony is, if he took care of his mental health, he likely wouldn't want a girlfriend for that reason anyway. If he still wanted a girlfriend, it would be to share her company and to enjoy being around a woman.

This is why I've always stressed taking care of your mental health...any depression, self-esteem problems, first. It's not healthy to obsess over wanting a girlfriend. It makes perfect logical sense...you see guys at a young age in high school walking around with a girl holding hands,and you see in on tv and the movies, and it makes you want it even more, and you begin to question yourself for not being able to get a girlfriend. But when you obsess over it, you end up like Sodini or like a member formerly on the board in his 40s who was banned for blaming all of his problems on life over women.

I guess the alternative would be for him to say "I just let you cry on my shoulder because I like to be close to you and fantasize about sleeping with you." Would that be preferable? I would hope that instead, she could read between the lines (as we guys are often asked to do in the reverse of this situation) and understand why this happened.

I don't think a friendship where one party wants more than the other does, or believes that it is more than it is, is a valid one or a good idea.

A few years ago when I was still depressed, I told a girl I was talking to online about my problems, and she told me that it would turn most women off at this age because they're looking for fun. I didn't understand what she meant at the time, but after being around women, now I do. Contrary to what the media wants you to believe, young women want a fun, confident guy that they can share memories with and go out with on weekends and stuff like that.

You're only 18 you have plenty of time. And you'll likely end up with a woman like yourself...soft-spoken, introverted, homebody.

7.)If a woman that you aren't dating or sleeping with is telling you about her problems, it means that you're essentially in the friend zone. She views you as understanding like one of her female friends. If you sense she's just using you for a shoulder to cry on, a cab, etc., just cut her off. No explanation necessary. If it's a true friend but you find her bringing her problems to you, tell her simply "Maybe you should be talking to one of your girl friends about this." She will respect you and treat you like a potential dating interest.

Niles, what are your sources of this information?

Niles, what are your sources of this information?

The other points all make sense, but this one I don't understand at all. If she trusts me enough to tell me about her problems, then surely that's a good thing? Why would it mean I'm in the friend zone?

And why should I turn away a true friend that comes to me for emotional support? I wouldn't see that as respect worthy, I'd see that as thouroughly immature and unfriendly. Why would anyone want to go out with a partner who isn't willing or able to provide emotional support when it is needed?

I don't understand this!

because you're not her friend you're a sponge, GET OUT OF THERE!! !
if you are in the friend zone, you will NEVER EVER date her, trust me