What is it about Aspie women that men can't stand?

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I find this curious, since I am the opposite. I don't attract many guys (that I'm aware of) but those I do tend to be really into me and stay that way. I always figured this to be because I am noticeably Aspie-ish, thus repelling most men and appealing to a select few. Perhaps it is because I don't wear much of a metaphorical mask--men are not too surprised by what they find when they get to know me a little better. If this is the case, that mask you mention might be the culprit. Or perhaps you're just more physically attractive than I am, so you attract a lot of men who are more interested in you for your looks who change their minds when they get to know you better.

Communication style is a problem for all of us. I think most of us are good at heart but have a difficult time portraying it in ways that it will communicate correctly.

As for some of the things said in the second and third posts: being too cerebral, using too many big words or being to specific/detail oriented, guys get that too. NT's seem quite particular about what they'd deem excessive anything.

That's what I meant.

Hmmmm, not quite sure i know what you're talking about
my GF's an aspie and personally i think she's simply awesome (& also just very adorable)
we'll have been together 1 year next month. I her

I think everyone is capable of learning, the bigger restriction I think is how far that knowledge can take them.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kua9bN8Pb_Y[/youtube]

Crap, when I figure out what I'm doing wrong I'll tell ya. I also have very little trouble attracting men initially even though I'm in my 40s and I'm okay but not drop dead gorgeous, but for some reason I get the "it's not going to work out" crap too. And I never know exactly why, even with my 25+ year marriage. If I hear "you didn't do anything wrong BUT" one more f*cking time I swear I'm going to need to be put in the looney bin.

~Kate

Yeah I've seen a bunch of messed up things too! Man is just an illogical creature!

I wouldn't get too scared about "scaring guys off" you are who you are. Just be yourself!

Finding the "right" or "compatible" person takes time. You can increase your chances by dating lots of people. When you feel it time then get serious you'll kind of know in your gut. Not butterflies or anything just understanding, respect, and friendship.

P.S.
My wife is a self-righteous know it all and so am I!

I think that's it. I can relate to the thing of seeming too weird and only attracting men who like that.

She could take the initiative and find a man who is interested in her quietly, but doesn't show it. There's probably some man interested in her personality as much as her looks.

the complaints i've gotten from the 7 guys who've (all) dumped me, are as follows:
too shy/quiet
distant
dumb (this isn't true of aspie girls, but many NTs will assume someone is stupid if they have poor social skills)
indecisive about where to go/things to do
insecure


it seems to me that some aspie girls actually exhibit "super female" behavior. or at least i think i do. i'm really shy and dreamy, and kind of submissive. i don't think guys want that in a girl.

The want a girl who at least pulls and pushes back. If a girl's utterly inanimate and just goes along with anything there's nothing there to trip their triggers. Chemistry is largely built on knowing how to seductively knock someone off balance a little, make em feel like you've got em and then set em back on their feet to remind them that they'll have to work a little to get back to that point. Make em task TOO much and you either have a guy walk or have someone who gets way too obsequious, if your matching the amounts that he does it though - unless he's a bit odd (in which case - good riddens) your right where you want to be.

Mirroring is an asset as well, its something I've seen NT women do a lot, and of course break from it just enough to show him that your under your own authority BUT - you like his style and you want his subconscious mind to grab onto that fact.

Both aspie men and women seem to have the same kind of problem in relationships with NT partners. I think the biggest problem is non-verbal communication issues inherent with Asperger's because without picking up those signals, you will not know what he expects from you in the relationship unless he directly tells you. An aspie partner may understand you better because of his own issues, otherwise you will need to have an NT man who is willing understand you and help you get through it.

The funniest thing is aspies like you guys who talk the talk online and you give out the impression your quite socially capable and have little in the way of problems often turn out to be blissfully unaware of how their behaviour comes across to others. I find with these kind of characters you meet them in the flesh and you simply turn out to be just as bad as the people who you complain about.

It's absolutely hillarious to meet people like that. Their not quite as high up on the pecking ladder as they would like to think they are. Everything people say about themselves you have to take with a great big fist of salt on here. Amazing how people can become so disconnected between their percieved self and their actual self.

I see people with learning disability do this sort of stuff all the time they think their so "with it" and "independent" that they are one of the support staff their so convinced that they are better and above their own peers. I find it rather amusing how this behaviour interprets into autism

I haven't known a lot of diagnosed or obviously Aspie women, but from the one I remember (who was very pretty and otherwise attractive), the issues were:

1. Complete disregard for social niceties -- things like smiling at people you work with but barely know (people like to be acknowledged), entering the elevator without waiting for the people inside to get out, thus almost trampling them in the process.

2. Arguing way past the point of effectiveness or relevancy -- I do see this on these boards a lot, particularly with one or two specific people (not to be named) -- Winning a point isn't everything. You can win the battle and "lose the war."

3. Dressing -- either dressing in a way that seems idiosyncratic or not paying attention to clothes at all. Believe it or not, NT's have a uniform for everything, even hanging out.

Hi Abbey,

Having not spoken to you before, I can't comment on where you are going wrong. But I'll throw in my two cents to try and help.

I've only ever met 2 women with AS and without going into detail both were horrible horrible individuals who thought the condition entitled them to behave however they liked. Obviously that kind of attitude is ill advised although I'm sure you already knew that.

I won't comment on anymore AS/NT comparisons as I think the majority of it is complete b*llocks tbh and everyone should be judged on their own merits. (too many people on this forum from both genders read too much into it and that in turn I think holds them back a bit) But here's a few things that would put me off a woman.

Arrogance - Acting as if you are too good for someone or having a 'my way or the highway' syle attitude. We won't stick around for along if that's the case or if someone acts like a complete know it all.

Indecisiveness - If we think we are being messed around, or being used as a stopgap, we'll start looking elsewhere or end the relationship.

Reading too much into every little thing - This becomes a headache very quickly and one that neither gender shall wish to tolerate for too long from their other half. (although everyone is occasionally guilty of this)

Raw Stupidity - Contrary to what some women on here think, most of us men don't like bimbos who can't hold a conversation, some of us actually like the challenge of being with someone intelligent. I must add that when I'm referring to 'Raw Stupidity' I'm not talking about someone who is occasionally slow, I mean someone who is completely out of touch with reality or delibrately plays dumb thinking they are being clever in the process. At the same time, be careful when to draw the line, nobody likes someone who thinks they have all the answers, all the time.

Double Standards/Hypocrisy - Again this can be applied to both genders but anyone who regularly moves the goalposts, when it suits them or applies different rules for different people. Now that does make me genuinely angry.

I probably sound like I've been a bit brutal here, but hope this can help.

Last edited by Daemonic-Jackal on 01 Dec 2010, 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Women with aspergers are:

Negative:
-Self centered
-bitchy (often)
-Often live in another world
-adopt radical ideologies
-Often mentally ill
-Often too crazy to be helped

Other:
-Don't like being touched
-Don't like being hugged
-Don't like cuddling
-Never express feelings of joy or love
-Very flat emotional expression
-Often speak in monotone
-Hide or subdue their emotions
-Are not very happy or girly(excitable)